@gembeldolar You need to spend as much time on your hobby as he does running 1000 miles per year. Even if that hobby is movies and pedicures. And he can keep the kids, as I assume you do when he's running.
Income keeps going up but husband doesn’t want to outsource any chores
- Thread starter gembeldolar
- Start date
trulyconverted
New member
@gembeldolar This sounds like my husband and I. While we don’t end up spending a ton a free time cleaning the house just gets dirtier than I’d like and I never feel like it’s presentable for folks to drop by. We both work full time and I’m currently pregnant so I don’t feel quite as guilty having a messy house, but I still wish he’d just get over his hang ups and let me hire somebody— we’ve got the money. He says he doesn’t like the idea of a stranger in our home, but I feel like there’s got to be something else to it. Personally, I think he just has much lower cleanliness standards and doesn’t understand that I want things to be better than they currently are.
gembeldolar
New member
@trulyconverted Yeah it’s crazy bc our house is not disgusting or anything. But it’s only fully clean right before company, and id like it to be cleaner more often.
But I don’t want to do it. I’ll never do it as well or quickly as a professional.
But I don’t want to do it. I’ll never do it as well or quickly as a professional.
eeswarchandra
New member
@gembeldolar I would suggest you do it on a “trial basis” to see how it goes and lists the reasons you need it for the next few months. Hopefully, he sees the value and you can stick with it without a major drama.
I’m confused why his mom being a cleaner makes him not want to hire a cleaner. Was she treated poorly? I think it’s worth talking that part out a bit. If anything, hiring a cleaner does help someone with their small business.
I’m confused why his mom being a cleaner makes him not want to hire a cleaner. Was she treated poorly? I think it’s worth talking that part out a bit. If anything, hiring a cleaner does help someone with their small business.
joshsburroughs
New member
@gembeldolar This is a hard one for folks who grow up without help and then find themselves in a position to afford it, can take a bit to get your head around. I’d position this as a cost associated with having a high income job that is demanding, and something also necessary when you have young kids due to the insane demands on your time.
gembeldolar
New member
@joshsburroughs Yes totally! And why do we have to work hard in every aspect of our life? There’s no cookie for the person that is the most overworked and had the least amount of fun
sherlockpwns
New member
@gembeldolar My husband was against cleaners before we got fantastic cleaners and now he would rather cut on going out then them
gembeldolar
New member
@sherlockpwns That seems to be the consensus among husbands here! Which is reassuring
@gembeldolar Work out how much time you guys spend on cleaning.
Now put a dollar figure on that based on your salary.
If say your combined salary is 300k, then an hour of cleaning costs $105.
Does it cost you $105 an hour for a cleaner? Probably not.
In other words, you are literally LOSING MONEY if you do it yourself.
Time is money and if you're both high income earners, than your time technically costs more.
Put it in that fashion and see if that changes his view.
Now put a dollar figure on that based on your salary.
If say your combined salary is 300k, then an hour of cleaning costs $105.
Does it cost you $105 an hour for a cleaner? Probably not.
In other words, you are literally LOSING MONEY if you do it yourself.
Time is money and if you're both high income earners, than your time technically costs more.
Put it in that fashion and see if that changes his view.
timothythe2nd
New member
@gembeldolar We also look at it as: how much is my time worth? So maybe you don’t spend actual money for a lawn service, but your husband spends 8hrs a week on lawn/landscape care…how much money does he make in one normal workday? Probably more than it would be for one day of lawn service to mow, trim, weed whack, whatever. So are you actually saving money?
@gembeldolar All of my working mom friends have cleaners - none of their husband's wanted cleaners. But now they have them, they won't be without them. Its a necessity. I just have learned to live with the mess since my husband refuses to have someone come into our house, also he will clean floors and do dishes. If he didn't do any household chores, you bet I would get a cleaner in
gembeldolar
New member
christiancinemaproduction
New member
@gembeldolar We have cleaners landscapers, and a handyman because we have decided that since both of us work and our kids go to daycare that we have very few hours of family each week and we’ve decided to prioritize spending time with our kids over cleaning the house.
I Would make a list of every single thing that has to get done in the house each month and then tell him which you will be able to help with, and which things you do not have the bandwidth to participate in.
Ask him how much he will be able to take over 100% including the mental load. Make really clear assignments, written down so there’s no questions. Tell him anything that doesn’t get done by the end of the month needs to be outsourced.
Then make plans for your weekends. Be explicit with him. “I would rather read my book this weekend than scrub the floor”. I am prioritizing taking the kids to the park over doing the laundry”. Help him to see where you are re-prioritizing.
You could also see if he’d do a trial run. Hire a cleaner one time and see what he thinks. “We are able to take the kids to a museum on Saturday because we have outsourced our usual Saturday cleaning.
If you are picking away at things during the week, he might not even realize half of the things that you’re doing. Make your workload known and just like you would do at work, tell him your plate is too full.
I Would make a list of every single thing that has to get done in the house each month and then tell him which you will be able to help with, and which things you do not have the bandwidth to participate in.
Ask him how much he will be able to take over 100% including the mental load. Make really clear assignments, written down so there’s no questions. Tell him anything that doesn’t get done by the end of the month needs to be outsourced.
Then make plans for your weekends. Be explicit with him. “I would rather read my book this weekend than scrub the floor”. I am prioritizing taking the kids to the park over doing the laundry”. Help him to see where you are re-prioritizing.
You could also see if he’d do a trial run. Hire a cleaner one time and see what he thinks. “We are able to take the kids to a museum on Saturday because we have outsourced our usual Saturday cleaning.
If you are picking away at things during the week, he might not even realize half of the things that you’re doing. Make your workload known and just like you would do at work, tell him your plate is too full.
@christiancinemaproduction Holy shit seconding the handyman thing. I actually told my husband I hired a handyman to get all the random 1-2 hour tasks done after we remodeled a good chunk of our house and had some odds & ends to tie up. I did it thinking that it would spur him to do those things 
which completely backfired haha but we spent like $2000 to get a years’ worth of weekend projects done. It was so glorious!!!
which completely backfired haha but we spent like $2000 to get a years’ worth of weekend projects done. It was so glorious!!!christiancinemaproduction
New member
His 30 minute projects would take us 3 hours and an entire weekend day.gembeldolar
New member
@christiancinemaproduction That’s so true to our situation too!
Ballprk, how much % of your income do you spend on outsourcing? I’m trying to gut check what feels reasonable, though I know that different for everyone
Ballprk, how much % of your income do you spend on outsourcing? I’m trying to gut check what feels reasonable, though I know that different for everyone
gembeldolar
New member
@christiancinemaproduction That actually sounds like a total steal and I’m literally daydreaming of a similar situation.
Maybe we just think it’s more expensive than it is?
Maybe we just think it’s more expensive than it is?
christiancinemaproduction
New member
@gembeldolar My best advice is to ask your neighbors for recommendations. That's how we found everyone. Get quotes and see how you can fit it into your budget.
iamsaved79
New member
@gembeldolar I had this debate with my husband. I told him I needed something to change for my mental health and for our relationship (we were fighting a lot). We agreed to try a few of his strategies (clean more/be more efficient...) and if they didn't work to try a cleaner. It took a lot of discussing and debating but ultimately he understood it was important to me (the mess didn't weigh on him like it does for me). Once we tried it he agreed it helped a lot. We settled on a more basic cleaning package as a middle ground for us.
On a completely different note we got a robot vacuum and mop we love! That might be a way to take the pressure off if specifically hiring a regular expense is hard.
On a completely different note we got a robot vacuum and mop we love! That might be a way to take the pressure off if specifically hiring a regular expense is hard.
gembeldolar
New member
@iamsaved79 Tell me more about this more basic cleaning package!
I’ve thought that for our home we only use about 1/2 of it regularly right now, and the other half about once a month. So we don’t need a whole house deep clean twice a month
I’ve thought that for our home we only use about 1/2 of it regularly right now, and the other half about once a month. So we don’t need a whole house deep clean twice a month