Income keeps going up but husband doesn’t want to outsource any chores

[richmondjema]

@gembeldolar Kid ain’t even 1 yet. This scenario is going to get worse as soon as that kid starts leaving toys and random shit everywhere.

The single worst mistake I’ve ever made was buying too much house. Non stop cleaning. Deep depression. Wish we had the funds to hire a housekeeper. Instead, I’m selling this house for a smaller one. Life is to short to clean all the fkn time.

 

[kfuller2]

@gembeldolar My husband has/had a very similar mentality when it comes to money specifically. He came from a poor household and he has always struggled with the idea that we actually make enough money to survive and leisure items. He’s always afraid to use money from savings (which we never have), due to the fact there could be a real emergency, in his eyes like a tree falling on the house etc that would bankrupt us. His parents were very bad with money and it is very clear he has trauma because of this. He has gotten A LOT better but it is something we actively work on. I hope that this is not the case for your husband - but some men don’t want help either- it’s a stereotype but I know a lot of men that would rather suffer than “ask” for help.

 

[kwright1]

@gembeldolar Yes there's a point at which your time is more valuable than the cost of the work.

 

[midwestpride]

@gembeldolar Omg I feel for you. I have had a cleaner since my 20s and couldn't even really afford it then, but they mean so much to my quality of life, especially when you add more people to the equation. I still remember the first time I really cleaned my own place way back when. I noted how long it took me. Then I figured the math out on how much I got paid hourly. Right then I found a cleaner and never stopped. My time is worth more than what it costs to clean my entire home. Luckily my husband was very much on board with this when he came into the picture and I'm pretty sure having one has been a contribution to our marriage. One less discussion about who is gonna do the toilets!

I would tell your husband you need this, not only for your sanity but bc you cherish your time and work hard to have some of it dedicated to doing what you want. And that's not cleaning. I guarantee you after just one cleaning, your husband will be like yeah, this is great.

 

[sarahtoo]

@gembeldolar Have you broken it down for him in terms of dollars? What does he make/hour? That it is what his time is worth. Same goes for you. Now add up what you are spending on chores currently. Bet it’s a lot!

If a landscaper and housekeeper charge less per hour than you currently make, and you have the disposable income to make it feasible, that’s a pretty solid argument.

 

[wearethechristiangems]

@gembeldolar This isn’t a two yes’s, one no situation. If you want to hire a cleaner, you can hire a cleaner. Your husband doesn’t need to be involved in that decision.

 

[dp1986]

@gembeldolar I am your husband. I just could not spend the money - it seemed like a waste. One time my husband calculated the hours I spend on chores vs my hourly wage. Still I would not budge.

But slowly I’m coming to my senses I guess - I can see that we have more money than time.

So my advice: let your husband see the rational calculation, but understand it is an emotional issue for him. It will take another emotional issue (a lack of time with family that hurts him, for instance) to get over it.

 

[jesus_save_me]

@gembeldolar I convinced my husband on lawn service by calculating how much it “cost” him to do it based on his own hourly salary versus the cost of having the service do it.

 

[mormonmartini]

@gembeldolar Wait I’m supposed to be waxing my floors ???

 

[dbchleqz01]

@gembeldolar So tell him he needs to stop running. If he cares that much about not hiring someone - let him prove it. Give up all that free time to do chores.

I strongly suspect he won’t. But I’m curious.

 

[atroposheart]

@gembeldolar What?? I live in the city so not a hugh lawn...but almost everyone around me uses a lawn service. $70 per month April-October.

Why are you letting this be his decision only. Get some quotes, hire the service and tell him this is happening.

 

[ellenego]

@gembeldolar Hi OP, my family (dual income) is not high income but certainly upper middle class. As we can both climbed the ladder of our respective fields, we have began outsourcing some of the more tedious or just time-consuming tasks, to include house cleaning. While hesitant at first - my husband (32M) grew up with an amazing SAHM who meticulously kept the home clean in addition to caring for her children - I reframed the change to us “paying” for our quality time together.

In the same way we book a babysitter for a date night, booking cleaners purchases your leisure time back. For example, I work from home on Fridays, and book our cleaners 1-2x a month. So on booked Friday, they come in around noon, deep clean the places that need it and by 2-3 PM, they are done. My husband comes home to a clean home and everyone is happy. Now my Saturday morning is filled with family time, cooking, toddler gym class, or whatever else we want to do instead of an all-hands-on-deck scrubbing/vacuuming/dusting session. I still pick up during the week and clean when something is dirty, but the burden isn’t on me to spend all my free time cleaning. Quality time with our family, especially young kiddos, is so short lived!

 

[jl090812]

@gembeldolar My mom was a cleaning lady. We ate BECAUSE people hired a cleaning service. We paid our bills because someone hired her. Maybe his brain just hasn’t clicked for that yet?

When I reached the income level where I could hire someone, I asked my mom about the differences between her good and bad clients to make sure I’d be a good one.

 

[r_annett]

@gembeldolar Why don’t you just hire these people yourself? What’s he gonna do when the cleaning lady shows up? Doubt he’ll turn her away. Then he’ll see how great it is.

 

[kc02]

@gembeldolar This is very similar to my relationship, including the working class background of my husband. I love my husband, and we have a great relationship, but we have fought a lot about spending money to make household tasks easier in the last few years. One of the sticking points for my husband, that he admits is illogical, is that he wants his kids to see what “hard work” is. Here, hard work is doing physical labor, like cleaning toilets. My husband saw his parents doing this growing up, and it taught him discipline and the value of money. But, we are now living in an upper class community where people still work super hard, it’s just at white collar jobs. For my husband, it seems like this type of work doesn’t really count because it’s not backbreaking physical labor. In the end, we still don’t have cleaners, my husband does all the cleaning instead