@godsdj1 I appreciate what you said. I was physically and emotionally abused every day of my childhood and I’ll take that experience to my grave. I’ve never hit nor ever will any of my kids. I certainly yell but the biggest difference is that I actually love and respect my children. I just don’t have the tools mentally to know how to be more patient or understanding from a toddler’s perspective. My wife is more stubborn that anyone I’ve ever met and I just don’t see us coming back together as a couple. She only cares about the kids. We are just co-parents and roommates now. I’ve never been so unhappy with nearly every corner of my life. Imprisoned is the word I would describe all of this. Sure, it could always be worse. Sure, life is short. Sure, first world problems.
katrina2017
New member
@darthklim Nah man she needs to either letting you have heavy input on how bed time should go and how it can be improved, or she can handle bed time on her own. If she steps in to your night and gets involved, I would walk out and insist she took over since she clearly wants to be in control. It took two people to make these kids, not sure why she thinks she can call the shots one hundred percent on how to raise them, except for the fact that she probably knows you will LET HER get away with it.
I feel like this probably isn’t an isolated incident and she treats you like this all the time though, so you might want to insist on marriage counseling if you want any hope of ever improving things overall, heck I would even lie and frame it as let’s go to counseling so they can help me not suck so much as a husband just so she agrees to go tbh.
I feel like this probably isn’t an isolated incident and she treats you like this all the time though, so you might want to insist on marriage counseling if you want any hope of ever improving things overall, heck I would even lie and frame it as let’s go to counseling so they can help me not suck so much as a husband just so she agrees to go tbh.
@darthklim Do you have a schedule for your son? I think it helps when children understand what happens next and keeps them calm and in control. My daughter is three and we watch a show together after dinner, read books, bath time, and get ready for bed. Consistency is key 
@darthklim If you're consistent, your wife obviously isnt. You and your wife need to work together on parenting as a team. With two different parental styles, is most likely why the child isn't cooperating.
@darthklim I'm SAHM and have two kids, 2 and 5.
We used to do bath time at night but realized it wasn't working for us so we changed it. It's pretty crazy, but hear me out.
My oldest goes to kindergarten from 8:30 till 2. I pick oldest up with the youngest. When we get home, they go straight for the bath, both of them.
Now our bedtime routine is brushing teeth starting at around 6:30, first potty, putting on pj's, song, cuddles, etc. and I'm closing the bedroom door at 7:10~20. At around 7:45~8, oldest asks for potty/snack/any other excuse their Machiavelli mind can come up with. Oldest is allowed potty and water or I don't open the safety gate to their room. It took a while for this to work. Starting when oldest was about 3. Now, at 5, oldest still asks for things, but I think it's more on principle because they never get it and they don't throw a tantrum anymore. The key is consistency and sitting down on the floor next to the safety gate with your phone very pointedly ignoring the screams. When they saw (after about 8 f-ing months) that screaming didn't do anything, they began negotiating. That took about another few months. Now, they ask for X, Y or Z, I say no, they say fine, they ask for potty, they go and go back to their room and even closes the door themselves.
I'm not saying this is for you, but taking one of the tasks away from the routine might reduce the time.
I would also recommend talking with your partner about agreeing on a single parenting strategy and applying it together. You both have to be doing the same thing if you want the routine to move more smoothly.
We used to do bath time at night but realized it wasn't working for us so we changed it. It's pretty crazy, but hear me out.
My oldest goes to kindergarten from 8:30 till 2. I pick oldest up with the youngest. When we get home, they go straight for the bath, both of them.
Now our bedtime routine is brushing teeth starting at around 6:30, first potty, putting on pj's, song, cuddles, etc. and I'm closing the bedroom door at 7:10~20. At around 7:45~8, oldest asks for potty/snack/any other excuse their Machiavelli mind can come up with. Oldest is allowed potty and water or I don't open the safety gate to their room. It took a while for this to work. Starting when oldest was about 3. Now, at 5, oldest still asks for things, but I think it's more on principle because they never get it and they don't throw a tantrum anymore. The key is consistency and sitting down on the floor next to the safety gate with your phone very pointedly ignoring the screams. When they saw (after about 8 f-ing months) that screaming didn't do anything, they began negotiating. That took about another few months. Now, they ask for X, Y or Z, I say no, they say fine, they ask for potty, they go and go back to their room and even closes the door themselves.
I'm not saying this is for you, but taking one of the tasks away from the routine might reduce the time.
I would also recommend talking with your partner about agreeing on a single parenting strategy and applying it together. You both have to be doing the same thing if you want the routine to move more smoothly.
@darthklim You may want to talk to your wife about shortening the routine. Yes we bathe every night, but in totality the entire event from bath to bed is 30 minutes. We get bath, yogurt pouch, 10 mins of wind down, teeth brush, one short book and bed. I don’t care how wired my son is. He goes to bed right on time, whether he is ready to or not. Sometimes he may talk and play a little in his crib and that’s fine but bed time is non negotiable.
nathandavis
New member
@darthklim I shortened my toddlers bedtime routine and they started staying tucked in and going to sleep so fast. I used to have a longer routine- much like yours minus the potty attempts as they are still in diapers (my twins are two- I’m waiting a bit longer for full on potty training). Now we play and read or sing after dinner, then we have a bath if we’re going to, and then go to their room and immediately have jammies, diapers, and bed. If they’re still too energetic by bedtime I have them “get the wiggles out”- basically just wiggle as crazy as they can until they’re worn out lol. Then it’s “ok, time to tuck in now!” And we get them in bed, tuck in, give I love yous and kisses and nigh-nights, and then I shut the light off, shut the door, and leave. Bedtime is 7pm (and will stay that way as long as it is reasonable to do so).
I would do baths every night except right now our water heater is out so I have to heat it with the wood stove or in a stock pot on my kitchen stove. So right now baths are like twice or three times a week until we get that taken care of lol.
Oh! Another thing that helped is taking 90% of the toys out of their room and setting up a play area in the living room (or if you guys have a spare room, that would work too). I have a small space behind my L shaped couch that is mostly unused unless someone’s going into the office. I have a spare coffee table, toy organizer and small book shelf, and their play kitchen etc back there for them. The only toys in their room are some of their stuffies, soft dolls, and a set of cloth blocks. I know my kiddos are a bit younger than yours but it sounds like your son is just really overstimulated and overtired by bedtime. He probably just needs an earlier and simpler bedtime, and less distractions. I had to work with a sleep consultant with my twins a couple times just so I was sleeping at all and I learned a lot from them!
I would do baths every night except right now our water heater is out so I have to heat it with the wood stove or in a stock pot on my kitchen stove. So right now baths are like twice or three times a week until we get that taken care of lol.
Oh! Another thing that helped is taking 90% of the toys out of their room and setting up a play area in the living room (or if you guys have a spare room, that would work too). I have a small space behind my L shaped couch that is mostly unused unless someone’s going into the office. I have a spare coffee table, toy organizer and small book shelf, and their play kitchen etc back there for them. The only toys in their room are some of their stuffies, soft dolls, and a set of cloth blocks. I know my kiddos are a bit younger than yours but it sounds like your son is just really overstimulated and overtired by bedtime. He probably just needs an earlier and simpler bedtime, and less distractions. I had to work with a sleep consultant with my twins a couple times just so I was sleeping at all and I learned a lot from them!