@diddle that's so rude they wouldn't let B back into see A without you fibbing! i would have fibbed too! our NICU had a "no siblings" rule but they make exceptions for multiples who got home faster, they even had a pack n play set up for A next to B's cot, i thought that was really sweet. everywhere should do that
i hate when people say “i wish i have/had twins”
- Thread starter diddle
- Start date
@lisas they said that B couldn’t be there because i risk getting him sick too. the thing is that A was hospitalized due to feeding issues, severe reflux and poor weight gain. it’s not like he had anything contagious. i was like “oh so should i not see at all then? because when i go home, i still run the risk of giving him hospital germs.” i asked to see their hospital policy for parents of multiples, they didn’t have one 
sorry i absolutely will be a “karen” about those things…
sorry i absolutely will be a “karen” about those things…smileytahnee
New member
@diddle It feels a little tone deaf to me. Twin pregnancy is high risk no matter what extra complications you may encounter. I think everyone wants an uneventful pregnancy and well, this isn't it lol. I feel like it's romanticised a lot and many people just don't have a realistic picture of what it all entails. And I think that's what bothers me most. The "I want this" without even knowing a damn thing about it. Acting like it's all rainbows and sunshine.
It's funny, I'm typing this while I'm on my way to yet another appointment lol. I was at the hospital 3-4 days ago. And even when the tests are good, you never stop worrying. But yeah, "must be nice".
It's funny, I'm typing this while I'm on my way to yet another appointment lol. I was at the hospital 3-4 days ago. And even when the tests are good, you never stop worrying. But yeah, "must be nice".
mwoolstrum
New member
@smileytahnee This is a great point, and I wanted to expand on that and add that I think pregnancy with singletons is romanticized! Pregnancy and motherhood in general are. No one expects complications and they don’t think about how hard being pregnant is because as a whole, not a lot of people talk about how bad it can be.
When I found out I was having twins, my first thoughts were of prematurity, NICU time, and cerebral palsy. However, I am a pediatric occupational therapist, so I work with that population a lot. I didn’t think about the cute matching outfits and other positives of twins until probably close to 32 weeks. I had a terrible pregnancy, and wouldn’t wish a twin pregnancy on anyone.
When I found out I was having twins, my first thoughts were of prematurity, NICU time, and cerebral palsy. However, I am a pediatric occupational therapist, so I work with that population a lot. I didn’t think about the cute matching outfits and other positives of twins until probably close to 32 weeks. I had a terrible pregnancy, and wouldn’t wish a twin pregnancy on anyone.
@mwoolstrum to expand on this, since i am studying medicine currently and kinda always had the knack for educating myself on certain areas; when i found out i was having twins, and they were my first children, and i had thalassemia (i got diagnosed while pregnant), i thought i would be the cause of my children’s hospitalization 
mwoolstrum
New member
jerrhhhhli
New member
@smileytahnee This is me!!! Of course they cannot know my personal history, but twin pregnancies being high risk + higher risk for premature birth (which is never "nice") - I seriously do expect people to know this. This naivety bothered me especially during the very hard and difficult times. One time I heard that, I was just released from hospital were I spend 5 weeks with my newborns while my oldest kid was at home. I tried REALLY hard no to run this granny over with my double pram...
Edit: spelling
Edit: spelling
freeyourself
New member
@diddle I find it preferable to "you've got your hands full", "double trouble", "rather you than me" etc. Most of the people who say they wish they had twins don't ever see the hard bits, so they do have a romanticised view of being a parent of multiples. Try not to overthink it, you are unlikely to see these people again.
randalthor1604
New member
So now I won’t have to imagine doing it with two at one time, I will get to live it.slsheppard
New member
@diddle I also hate it. My boys are 11 months today, and i still hate it. We’re like a freaking circus act when we go anywhere. And i get it, the novelty of it is cute, especially when our 2 year old daughter is with us. I just get so mad when people are like omg twins?! And another so close in age?! Like i didn’t expect twins, yes they were spontaneously conceived and no it’s not your business.
I get that all multiple pregnancies are high risk. Add to it the complications i had during pregnancy and delivery and my age at the time (37). I don’t expect everyone to know that, but my coworkers who had to deal with me going to 67284 doc appts and being remote with special approval cause i couldn’t get behind the wheel of a car with my giant belly. And all the time I’ve missed for them being sick or just needing 6738824 extra doc appts and then seeing how miserable i was - and then saying they want twins. Wouldn’t it be neat? Their mom wants grand babies. So give her grand babies one at a time. I love my boys and it’s really neat that we have twins and a single so close in age….NOW. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
It destroyed my body. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m still dealing with it now almost a year post partum. I have zero PTO because they’re always sick or need doc appts. My entire paycheck is daycare cause infants are $$$$ to put in care and we have 2 of them. We needed to buy new cars cause we couldn’t fit 3 seats in ours. We need to move because we outgrew our house overnight.
I also literally lost my mind when they were newborns. I also thought about hospitalizing myself, but i couldn’t leave my husband alone with 2 newborns and a toddler. I thought i was going certifiably crazy due to exhaustion. For MONTHS. They’re 11 months old now and they still don’t sleep. I’m on meds, i have a therapist. No one thinks about these things.
I had baby a vaginally, and then baby b flipped and i had to have an emergency c section. So i had double the recovery. I needed blood and iron transfusions. We have no familial help. No “village”. It’s just us. It is literally a shit show clusterfuck dumpster fire DAILY.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s getting easier now that they’re almost a year and can eat food and are more mobile and we can bathe them together, but EVERYTHING is still a production. And if one more person tells me they had 2 kids close in age, that they get it, they understand why it’s like…no you effing don’t. And you never will.
Idc if people think it’s tone deaf or disagree, how you feel is how you feel, and it’s hard. Everyday. Every day is hard.
I get that all multiple pregnancies are high risk. Add to it the complications i had during pregnancy and delivery and my age at the time (37). I don’t expect everyone to know that, but my coworkers who had to deal with me going to 67284 doc appts and being remote with special approval cause i couldn’t get behind the wheel of a car with my giant belly. And all the time I’ve missed for them being sick or just needing 6738824 extra doc appts and then seeing how miserable i was - and then saying they want twins. Wouldn’t it be neat? Their mom wants grand babies. So give her grand babies one at a time. I love my boys and it’s really neat that we have twins and a single so close in age….NOW. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
It destroyed my body. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m still dealing with it now almost a year post partum. I have zero PTO because they’re always sick or need doc appts. My entire paycheck is daycare cause infants are $$$$ to put in care and we have 2 of them. We needed to buy new cars cause we couldn’t fit 3 seats in ours. We need to move because we outgrew our house overnight.
I also literally lost my mind when they were newborns. I also thought about hospitalizing myself, but i couldn’t leave my husband alone with 2 newborns and a toddler. I thought i was going certifiably crazy due to exhaustion. For MONTHS. They’re 11 months old now and they still don’t sleep. I’m on meds, i have a therapist. No one thinks about these things.
I had baby a vaginally, and then baby b flipped and i had to have an emergency c section. So i had double the recovery. I needed blood and iron transfusions. We have no familial help. No “village”. It’s just us. It is literally a shit show clusterfuck dumpster fire DAILY.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s getting easier now that they’re almost a year and can eat food and are more mobile and we can bathe them together, but EVERYTHING is still a production. And if one more person tells me they had 2 kids close in age, that they get it, they understand why it’s like…no you effing don’t. And you never will.
Idc if people think it’s tone deaf or disagree, how you feel is how you feel, and it’s hard. Everyday. Every day is hard.
@slsheppard to piggy back off you, its weird how all twin parents aren’t “allowed” to air out their grievances without having to preface “i love my children” beforehand
. i KNOW i chose this life but not really!! i found out they were twins pretty late, i live in NYC so i was having trouble finding an OBGYN and had to wait awhile to get an ultrasound. they were all saying that they’re at capacity, to find another clinic. (isn’t that funny, major city, but trouble finding care lmfao). i found out at 13 weeks i think? and i found out in the ER due to bleeding, my apt for an ultrasound was a few weeks after. so if i didn’t go to the ER i would’ve found out at almost the halfway point.
. i KNOW i chose this life but not really!! i found out they were twins pretty late, i live in NYC so i was having trouble finding an OBGYN and had to wait awhile to get an ultrasound. they were all saying that they’re at capacity, to find another clinic. (isn’t that funny, major city, but trouble finding care lmfao). i found out at 13 weeks i think? and i found out in the ER due to bleeding, my apt for an ultrasound was a few weeks after. so if i didn’t go to the ER i would’ve found out at almost the halfway point.@diddle I’ve had my fair share of people saying stupid shit to me about twins, my body, etc. I’ve realized I just can’t waste energy caring on what other people say or think anymore. It is just too exhausting to be annoyed all the time like that. So my biggest advice… take a deep breath, smile, say thank you and keep yourself moving!
cookie1720
New member
@diddle People make one of two comments, and both can bother me for different reasons. One being the “I wish I had twins”, which I feel like they’ve never thought about the reality of having twins and just like the idea of twins. The other is “oh I could never do that” and like “good, hope you don’t have to.” But the flip side of both of these comments is that “twins are a blessing, I wish you had twins too so we could share in the joy of it!” And “thank you for recognizing that what I’m doing is hard!” I’d rather have my 2 chill babies than some of my friends wild singletons, and I had a more uneventful pregnancy that a lot of my friends who had singleton pregnancies. I went to 37 weeks and had a pretty chill induction and delivery. I have friends who had GD, preeclampsia, emergency surgeries to fix problems cause by their labor and delivery, month long hospital stays when their baby caught a life threatening disease. My point is pregnancy is hard. Motherhood is hard. It’s really easy to get into a comparison game, especially when people don’t understand our unique struggles.
@diddle Honestly I wish I did still have twins. I’m currently 13 weeks and one of my babies passed at 9 weeks. It’s been the most heart breaking thing I’ve ever experienced. I mourn the loss of life every day. I’m seeing a MFM doctor now and I’m nervous and scared for Baby A now. The anxiety is the worse
it’s just so scary and I wish I could skip to the part where I have my healthy baby.@diddle My MoDi twin pregnancy sucked. like SUCKED. i had a complete previa multiple severe bleeding issues then i had a "borderline but not borderline because that doesn't exist" accreta hemorrhaged and almost lost my uterus during the emergency c section we had because they developed TAPS at 32 weeks. All in the midst of early covid while my ER doc husband was working like a dog and scared to touch me. I never went out the first year (again, covid) but i bet i would've felt similarly. take heart though it absolutely does get easier. my response to the "i want to have twins!" "i always wanted twins!" blah blah blah has always been "i wouldn't wish it on anyone but i wouldn't trade it for the world." and i absolutely mean it.
unclesampatriot
New member
@diddle Oof, we didn't even have the pregnancy issues or hospitalizations like you all did and I still tell people this is harder than basic training was. We're at 11 months and it's still hard. Our twin A will not sleep through the night still and wants to be held all the time. When people tell me they wosh they had twins just say, "no you don't".
@diddle I feel exactly the same way. People often assume it’s a buy one get one free - but my twin pregnancy was way way more than twice as hard than my first with singleton and the first few months were also more than double hard. It’s exponential! And I felt the same way as you - like u would die from the exhaustion. I got out of breath from doing nothing, every muscle hurt.
(Btw - I also got a depression and anxiety so I started antipressives after two months and it has really helped me.)
(Btw - I also got a depression and anxiety so I started antipressives after two months and it has really helped me.)
mrsticky005
New member
@diddle My (well meaning) sister in law sighed and said “oh you’re so lucky. I prayed for twins.” Like, good for you sis, but I didn’t. I love them and I want them and I’d be devastated if anything happened to them. But I didn’t want this. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t pray to instantly be higher risk for every scary thing to happen in pregnancy. I wanted 2 children total, not 2 at once. (This is my second pregnancy) I never, ever pictured this.
I go to a pretty small OB, so I feel like a circus freak “oh you’re our twin mama!” Like, yay. That’s my whole identity now. I’m exhausted, I throw up so hard I burst all the blood vessels in my face, I can’t keep up with my 3 year old. I already have low iron and can’t keep myself properly hydrated. I feel dizzy and nauseous all the time. Please, keep telling me how “lucky” I am….
10 weeks pregnant with di/di twins. I do feel lucky that they are the lowest risk type of twins to have. I feel less lucky that my OB has said that gestational diabetes is basically guaranteed since I had it in my first pregnancy and this time there’s 2 placentas.
I’m starting to feel “excited” for them. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel “lucky” to be a twin mom.
I go to a pretty small OB, so I feel like a circus freak “oh you’re our twin mama!” Like, yay. That’s my whole identity now. I’m exhausted, I throw up so hard I burst all the blood vessels in my face, I can’t keep up with my 3 year old. I already have low iron and can’t keep myself properly hydrated. I feel dizzy and nauseous all the time. Please, keep telling me how “lucky” I am….
10 weeks pregnant with di/di twins. I do feel lucky that they are the lowest risk type of twins to have. I feel less lucky that my OB has said that gestational diabetes is basically guaranteed since I had it in my first pregnancy and this time there’s 2 placentas.
I’m starting to feel “excited” for them. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel “lucky” to be a twin mom.