I hate the notion that SAHPs are gold diggers/lazy

[madenew1989]

@daryle If someone ever came at me with this I'd laugh my ass off. My husband's an E6 with 16 years. His salary is public information. Gold digger to someone who doesn't even make 80k. Ha!

 

[denise1961]

@madenew1989 Maybe it's just because I live in Florida and the cost of living here is so high but even 80k with a family on one income isn't enough to be a gold digger lol maybe 80k if I was just a stay at home wife not a stay at home mom

 

[madenew1989]

@denise1961 I don't count 80k as it either. We live in Maryland. The col here is just nuts for not reason. I'm just saying he doesn't even make that so I am def not gold digging.

 

[stateemil]

@madenew1989 Same lol my husband is a mechanic

 

[kiddo2014]

@madenew1989 My boyfriend is a line cook. I'd probably laugh and ask them to help me find the gold I'm digging.

 

[katrina2017]

@daryle Yea I had someone on another sub basically call me that. I usually don’t get offended that way by a stranger but that really got me.

 

[rainbow35]

@katrina2017 They have no idea what they're talking about don't let it get to you! None of my jobs have been anywhere near as difficult as this and I have worked nonstop 18 shifts in a hospital before. The only job I can see maybe being more difficult is teaching or daycare staff having loads of kids at once.

 

[seanjm]

@rainbow35 As someone who has worked in daycare, I think being a SAHP is harder because you don't get breaks. I would come into work having had free time, a good night of rest, coworkers I can chat with, and scheduled breaks throughout the day. I had a private room to eat my lunch where no one bothered me, I was always able to fully get ready for my day and then rest when I got home, and with so many kids they really do entertain themselves. Even in the baby room where things could get really stressful, you had more teachers to rely on to help. Being a SAHP is definitely more challenging.

 

[ayopaul]

@rainbow35 Yeah I just left a full professorship in chemistry. This is so much harder.

 

[joiner007]

@rainbow35 I was an in home drop in daycare for 5 years. I had up to 8 kids on my own and 12 if I had my assistant. This included 2 babies. SAHMming for 2 is harder. I didn’t expect that to be the case but it is.

 

[ezek1234]

@daryle Agreed. I’ve been getting lots of questions about what’s next (when my son isn’t even 1 yet!). “Gee I don’t know but our house actually gets cleaned for the first time in 10 years and we get regular home cooked nutritious meals so maybe I’ll keep doing that??”

Why do people care so much about things that have nothing to do with them?

 

[darlene1]

@ezek1234 My third is just now turning three and my oldest is 8, people have just now stopped asking what I’m going to do when they’re all in school. I felt like I always needed an answer. Why?!

 

[katrina2017]

@daryle I think there are a lot of ways to be a SAHP and many SAHP in a variety of financial situations.

 

[theweebabyjesus]

@katrina2017 Yeah, SAHP is often the best financial move, it's not a "privilege" it's just one way of doing things.

 

[nevadabest]

@theweebabyjesus And paying someone else to raise your children isn’t the right decisions.

 

[kiddo2014]

@katrina2017 This. We had to choose between me staying home or us paying $300 more per week for daycare than I brought home when we got surprised with #3.

I'm exhausted, I miss work, I'm touched out, they're too loud and I end up dealing with sensory overload and PTSD triggers. But damn if those little smiles aren't amazing.

 

[sherryleaper]

@daryle I’m a SAHM with two young boys and a baby on the way and I worry so much about not being good enough or achieving enough. However, I’ve never had anyone say anything negative to me about being a SAHP and my husband always thanks me for all the hard work I do. So I’m always so shocked to hear that there are people still out there judging mums or dads for staying at home with their kids! Try to remember that people that make comments like this have some sort of issue or unhappiness in their own life, so they say these things to try to make you feel crappy too.

 

[bautam]

@daryle My ex SIL gave a comment when my kids were young about how she wished she had the luxury to stay home instead of work. While giving me a side look. Meanwhile, I'm here with two toddlers and chronic pain.

She did work but also dropped off her kid at Grandma's to clean and had two days to herself because of the custody agreement.

I lost all respect for her from that day on.

 

[akags]

@naty

Her kid who was 3 just randomly ran off and she couldnt find her...she was like "oh well someone will find her." She was so relaxed bc she had 3 or 4 people there helping her.

...wow lol. I can't imagine just not being bothered by the fact that you can't find your kid???

But I also totally understand what you're feeling. I have 2 kids and I literally keep a mental list of which parks are okay for us, and which ones are too big/spread out. I have to be able to keep both kids in my eyeline at all times, and there are a lot of places that just don't work for that. When my husband is able to go out with us, it is SO much easier because we can each just stay with one kid. And yeah if we had even more adults, then it'd be even better lol.

it was because I was always "on". Its such a different world and the fact that people think its easier or that I am lazy is annoying.

Such a hard part of being a SAHP. There's just no breaks, there's no "end of the day", it's just nonstop. And even when you can get someone to watch the kids and get time for yourself, it's so easy to feel guilty about it. Like nobody else feels guilty about taking breaks at their job, or having weekends off, but if when I take 2 hours out of a whole week to go out without the kids, I get stuck feeling like I'm a bad mom or that I'm inconveniencing my husband or something. Blah.

 

[bautam]

@akags This. It's so... Straining. It only gets somewhat better when they start school.