@ericthesinner Our son is the same age as your daughter. He was diagnosed with ADHD last year, not saying your daughter has adhd this is just info, and he acts a lot like your daughter. I’m the mom and yeah, he’s worse for me than for my husband. I feel all of this. I noticed sensory issues with our son at a very young age. He’s always been particular about noise level (in regards to music/tv/crowds not himself lol) and water temperature. The water temp is the biggest one but that’s mostly related to showering/bathing.
Anyways, I’m not on the other side of this telling you it’ll get better. I’m in the mess of it with you, we both are. It’s a roller coaster of they do things like make toast and then the next day write on your MIL’s car in permanent marker…yes, that happened today. It’s hard and sometimes it feels like every day brings a new challenge with it. Getting your kid help is the very first step but don’t neglect yourselves in the midst of this. Parenting is hard as it is but if you two need therapy to help yourselves cope with the behaviors and the difficulty please do so. It’s absolutely worth it!
I didn’t care for some of the books my sons therapist suggested but my best friend lent me the book,” How to handle a hard-to-handle kid.” Honestly, amazing and so validating even in just the first chapter. You’re not alone but I know how lonely it is. I’ve sobbed on my husbands chest feeling like a failure and that I’m failing our kid. The majority of mental illness runs on my side of the family and I’m pretty certain I have adhd as well (hoping to be diagnosed soon). It’s hard not to blame yourself or to start blaming your kid.
You love your kiddo a ton that’s obvious from your post. Getting them and yourselves help is the best thing you can do in this situation. Also, try to remember that your kid doesn’t have any control over these intense waves of emotions. She’s not doing it to make you angry or be malicious. Her brain and her body chemistry are working against her and she’s left with the fall out and feeling even more lost than you guys. This loss of self control is uncomfortable, frustrating, and for some kids just plain painful. Be gentle with her and with yourself.
Some advice!!
Highly recommend breathing exercises.
One on one time with each parent as you are able with a baby around.
A punching bag. Not kidding. I got our kid an inflatable Jurassic World one and he loves punching it.
Always get down to her level when she starts to escalate. Tell her,” deep breath in and out, in and out. Now, hold your tongue to the roof of your mouth and count to 10. Now one more deep breath. Let’s try again.”
Talk to her about how she can make a better decision next time she’s in a situation. Make sure she knows she’s allowed to express her emotions she’s just not allowed to do it in a disrespectful or harmful way.
Screaming into a pillow can be helpful. When I was younger I’d take fruit that was starting to turn and throw it against our backyard brick wall to help relieve stress/anger.
Kids yoga! They have some (cartoon themed) yoga and meditation on YouTube for kids these days.
that’s why this sub is a favorite of mine. Majority of the people in here are very kind and thoughtful.