javaholic1618
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@katrina2017 Holy fuck and here I was thinking my little 3yo was devil's reincarnation.. but tbf we've never given her snacks before bed.. if she doesn't eat then she stays hungry, you need to learn about consequences:/
I’m at a loss with my 7 year old
- Thread starter ericthesinner
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katrina2017
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@javaholic1618 Oh, you have no clue how quick I would make this girl regret the life she chose if I could.
Her mom enables it so badly. She did it with her ex, too.
Didn't know it would be this hard raising a step-child.
Can't fucking wait until she matures and realizes "I was a terrible child. Maybe I should stop"
Also: 3 year old? Haha. You're just getting started.
Her mom enables it so badly. She did it with her ex, too.
Didn't know it would be this hard raising a step-child.
Can't fucking wait until she matures and realizes "I was a terrible child. Maybe I should stop"
Also: 3 year old? Haha. You're just getting started.
judithwiegand
New member
@ericthesinner On YouTube, search for the video “Be The Pond.” It’s a good introduction to mindfulness for kids. it’s something you’ll need to revisit/practice regularly for any real benefit but it might help if it speaks to your kid. Good luck!
ericthesinner
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katrina2017
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@ericthesinner Just curious after your edit… does she have an iPhone?
ericthesinner
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@ericthesinner Makes more sense lol
katrina2017
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@ericthesinner We experienced the same issue when our daughter was 7. Now 10, she’s much calmer and more cooperative at home. Probably the thing that helped most was putting controls on the Wi-Fi and devices to limit screen time.
lakeview13
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@katrina2017 My kid is a turd when he uses a tablet. Too bad it 'broke'
ericthesinner
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@katrina2017 Something we are looking into also!
bleedingknight
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@ericthesinner Went through something similar. Don’t try to rationalize or calmly explain what seems so obvious to you. She wants to feel like her feelings and to a certain extent the way she deals with them are ok, no matter how bewildering it seems to you. Also might be tied to a singular event that she hasn’t been able to process. One of our daughters went through something similar. During a gym class her best best friend, in her eyes, “betrayed” my daughter by teaming up with someone else to somehow get her “out” during some game. When she told me about this thru tears I spent a lot of time trying to make her understand the idea that it was just a game, that people even her best friend have the right to play however they want and basically telling her not to overreact. Needless to say this made it worse. What she actually needed at the time was to feel like her reaction to the “betrayal” was perfectly normal and just as important to give her a signal that I would always be a safe and receptive audience for her to tell me about ANYTHING that bothers/confuses/angers/saddens her. I had a long talk with her and apologized for her not feeling that I was taking her sadness/disappointment seriously. The next day I was at my desk in the office and saw a folded up piece of paper. It said “I love you and I trust you” with a drawing of a heart, flower and two stick figures representing she and I. One of the proudest moments of my life.
Just remember. At that age, HOW they act out is oftentimes just a distraction. The key is to keep encouraging open communication without badgering. The root cause will eventually slip out. They actually want to tell you and they will feel much better once they do.
Be strong and be present! You got this.
Just remember. At that age, HOW they act out is oftentimes just a distraction. The key is to keep encouraging open communication without badgering. The root cause will eventually slip out. They actually want to tell you and they will feel much better once they do.
Be strong and be present! You got this.
@bleedingknight Yea, definitely consider that a singular event could be underpinning her emotional outbursts. I went through a loooong period of highly emotional behavior when I was younger because I had been sexually assaulted at 5 and didn't know how to communicate what had happened to me. I hope and pray nothing that extreme has happened to your daughter OP.
zeelizardglue
New member
@ericthesinner So, we have a 7 yo and this is EXACTLY the behavior we see.
We’ve had him evaluated, and diagnosed with ADHD, but he’s not medically on the autism spectrum.
And boy he is attention deficit, while his brother is a couch potato, he can’t sit and watch for more than 2 minutes before he starts playing amazingly creative games of pretend, when he eats he runs back and forth from the table to take a bite :|
His School special Ed. Team and teacher has been amazing and they’re working with a 1-1 (school supplied) on regulating emotions, modeling appropriate behavior, “zone” regulation and problem solving.
Plus, his teacher (he’s not in a special classroom) is a goddamn GEM 90% of her class schedule is emotional and social growth, rather than rote memorization of addition tables, or w/e.
The school is amazing and is truly looking for a off and on campus approach. I hope you can find such help on your end.
Other than that all I can recommend is:
- any games must be exactly their rules and sequence of events (or tantrum)
- extreme reactions to trivial problems
- no-shame outbursts in public
- “I hate you” “I’m leaving this family” etc. for simple situations. Running away.
We’ve had him evaluated, and diagnosed with ADHD, but he’s not medically on the autism spectrum.
And boy he is attention deficit, while his brother is a couch potato, he can’t sit and watch for more than 2 minutes before he starts playing amazingly creative games of pretend, when he eats he runs back and forth from the table to take a bite :|
His School special Ed. Team and teacher has been amazing and they’re working with a 1-1 (school supplied) on regulating emotions, modeling appropriate behavior, “zone” regulation and problem solving.
Plus, his teacher (he’s not in a special classroom) is a goddamn GEM 90% of her class schedule is emotional and social growth, rather than rote memorization of addition tables, or w/e.
The school is amazing and is truly looking for a off and on campus approach. I hope you can find such help on your end.
Other than that all I can recommend is:
- always stay calm, ignore outbursts as long as they’re not endangering someone.
- be consistent with routines and rules
- help them (there are many books and tools for this) be aware and regulate their emotions (A Calm Spot book set, Fill My Bucket book, Zones of Emotions, etc).
- make sure they get lots of sleep and are fed well. Our kiddo goes south if there’s a slight tiredness or a smidge of hunger and thirst. He also often doesn’t acknowledge that those things MAKE him get irritable.
- also, our kiddo is super emotional, and needs lots of love and acknowledgement. Make sure you praise and love them for doing acceptable things, and when they crave attention reward them for seeking it in the right language.
@ericthesinner I think this is around the age where kids will tantrum like this. Their little brains are still growing, experimenting and growing based on feedback. I would be cautious taking her to any evaluation. There is likely nothing wrong other than your child just trying to figure out difficult social structures that we all likely had similar troubles with.
She is not being bad. She is learning and will learn the most from how you react. Remove her from the situation and take her to a safe place. Another room. The car. Parking lot. Wherever you need to in order to allow her to work out the emotions and allow you to speak with her about the cause of the reaction. Tell her that you understand that it can be very hard and confusing to be a 7 year old girl. Tell her that you understand and that you will help. Figure out a secret signal She can give you and Mom if she needs you and teach her tool that you might use to help you calm down.
I feel like we are all too quick to involve a doctor who will then recommend a pill to make you child fit neatly into the dream mold. Being a kid is hard. They get told what to do and not to do with every step they take. Their brains do not reason the way our fully formed brains do. Try to remind yourself of that when in these scenarios.
She is not being bad. She is learning and will learn the most from how you react. Remove her from the situation and take her to a safe place. Another room. The car. Parking lot. Wherever you need to in order to allow her to work out the emotions and allow you to speak with her about the cause of the reaction. Tell her that you understand that it can be very hard and confusing to be a 7 year old girl. Tell her that you understand and that you will help. Figure out a secret signal She can give you and Mom if she needs you and teach her tool that you might use to help you calm down.
I feel like we are all too quick to involve a doctor who will then recommend a pill to make you child fit neatly into the dream mold. Being a kid is hard. They get told what to do and not to do with every step they take. Their brains do not reason the way our fully formed brains do. Try to remind yourself of that when in these scenarios.
ericthesinner
New member
@ashley101 Love this! Awesome advice!
@ericthesinner The fact that you are here means that you care and are trying. That means you are a good Dad. Even in your weakest moments remind yourself of that.
@ericthesinner My girl is 6.5 and just entered this phase.
She has always been stubborn and willful.
Meltdowns seem to be related to emotional fatigue, like shes been at school all day processing interactions and behaving for the teacher.
When shes here (lives with mum most of the time) shes reverted to doing flips at the dinner table, refusing food, screaming and yelling and demanding attention, to be picked up, hitting when she doesnt get attention.
I'm calm and non reactive to most of it, and simply say no a lot. Hitting gets an instant stop and timeout (which is it's own battle)
We rough and tumble a lot, pillow fight and wrestle and tickle, so I'm constantly reminding her that this is ok when we're playing, but it isnt OK to hit people unexpectedly.
As soon as shes outside the house with other people it stops.
Theres 2 things I can see.... shes letting off steam or frustration from other interactions where she was unable to communicate or get her way.
2) shes pushing boundaries with mum and dad to see how far her own authority goes. I'm stricter around meals and manners than her mother. I think with time and patience it'll iron out but it's a hard phase.
Stick to your rules, allow her space to unload, make sure they get plenty of exercise, the phase will pass, and a new problem will rear its head.
She has always been stubborn and willful.
Meltdowns seem to be related to emotional fatigue, like shes been at school all day processing interactions and behaving for the teacher.
When shes here (lives with mum most of the time) shes reverted to doing flips at the dinner table, refusing food, screaming and yelling and demanding attention, to be picked up, hitting when she doesnt get attention.
I'm calm and non reactive to most of it, and simply say no a lot. Hitting gets an instant stop and timeout (which is it's own battle)
We rough and tumble a lot, pillow fight and wrestle and tickle, so I'm constantly reminding her that this is ok when we're playing, but it isnt OK to hit people unexpectedly.
As soon as shes outside the house with other people it stops.
Theres 2 things I can see.... shes letting off steam or frustration from other interactions where she was unable to communicate or get her way.
2) shes pushing boundaries with mum and dad to see how far her own authority goes. I'm stricter around meals and manners than her mother. I think with time and patience it'll iron out but it's a hard phase.
Stick to your rules, allow her space to unload, make sure they get plenty of exercise, the phase will pass, and a new problem will rear its head.
@ashley101 Fantastic.
His daughter sounds pretty normal and is probably high IQ with high standards for herself. I would keep doctors and strangers out of this until its at such a point that all parties are losing their minds. Perfectionists are often quick to judgement and can be highly emotional.
My 7yo son goes through this about every 3 weeks. We call it, "Hell Week" but its often followed by a few weeks of discipline and happiness. And even in those good weeks, there are still moments that he snaps. But such is life, and it is getting better.
We have drilled the "Discipline = Freedom" mantra into the kids and as they grow it becomes more clear the meaning behind this. When the things they hate - getting ready for the day, packing up their gear, leaving the house, etc - become autopilot, they have like 90% more free time to do fun things. When they see this in action, it becomes an 'AHA!' moment. Those moments are when we make note to try and burn that feeling into their DNA.
His daughter sounds pretty normal and is probably high IQ with high standards for herself. I would keep doctors and strangers out of this until its at such a point that all parties are losing their minds. Perfectionists are often quick to judgement and can be highly emotional.
My 7yo son goes through this about every 3 weeks. We call it, "Hell Week" but its often followed by a few weeks of discipline and happiness. And even in those good weeks, there are still moments that he snaps. But such is life, and it is getting better.
We have drilled the "Discipline = Freedom" mantra into the kids and as they grow it becomes more clear the meaning behind this. When the things they hate - getting ready for the day, packing up their gear, leaving the house, etc - become autopilot, they have like 90% more free time to do fun things. When they see this in action, it becomes an 'AHA!' moment. Those moments are when we make note to try and burn that feeling into their DNA.