@cm0308 Yes it's rough. Shit it's the hardest thing EVER, and you're right, few people truly understand what you are going through. They may sympathize and WANT to understand, but they dont and never will. And that's ok. Start focusing on the positives and not their father. Sounds like he doesn't deserve even one ounce of your energy! Give it to your children, pour into them, be there for them and focus on them. That will get you through. Know that YOU are your children's everything and they will eventually see that (if they are too young and don't already) and they will love and appreciate you even more for it. Trust me. I've been there, and still there but 4 of mine are teenagers now and the other is in his 20s. And I would like to tell you that it gets easier, but to tbh it doesn't. In fact in some ways it gets harder. But it is more rewarding in a lot of ways. YOU get to be there for every joy, bump and scrape they experience, every concert, graduation, art exhibit, birthday party, first dance, first love and heartbreak. That is an honor, trust me. And honor you are blessed with. Truly enjoy it and cherish those times with them because you'll never get it back and eventually, when they are teenagers, they will act like they dont want you around as much or need you (when they REALLY do! So do not stop
) but that is a good thing because they are practicing to become their own independent, confident, self-reliant, successful member of society. They will make mistakes and poor choices, some more than others, but you will be there to guide them. They'll know who loves them and takes care of them, who's there for them, will do anything for them, will listen to them and most of all, love them and accept them no matter what mistakes they make!
Don't talk bad about the other parent OR make excuses for him, as he is NOT worth it and he made his own adult decision to not be part of their lives. It's HIS loss! Believe it or not, dwelling on that will give HIM power and hurt your relationship with your kids. Let your kids make up their own mind about him, because if they aren't allowed to do that, they may end up resenting you when they are in their late teens, especially if you have boys (VERY common). Just continue to care for them to your best ability, be their #1 supporter and biggest advocate and guide them through all of life's rough patches. THAT is truly priceless.
Plus, remember you're raising 4 wonderful little beings that will grow up and potentially take care of YOU someday. You'll need them to WANT to do this. The way you take care of them now will definitely be a precursor to the way they will love and care for you when you're old! Trust me, nursing homes are horrible
and NO ONE will care for you better than someone who truly loves you!
Also, its VERY important to make time to engage in something (or things) YOU love, that's healthy for you, relieves stress and brings YOU joy. Like working out, yoga, weekly massage, prayer, a bubble bath, meditation, adult sport league, moms support group, bible study, book club, weekly night out with other single moms, dancing, painting, reading, writing, learning something new...whatever fills up your cup so you don't get depleted and therefore not able to give more to your children. They need you and they really need you to be healthy AND happy! And when it gets super hard, remember and tell yourself (out loud works best) "This too shall pass!"
