Daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years & it’s like I’m going through a breakup.

@sylvie Woah. This isn't about you. This is about what your daughter is going through. Something is messed up in all this.

Side note. People make mistakes. People are totally fallible, even good ones. You can still have contact with the ex possible son in law.

Your daughter being with a partner is about her building her family moving forward, not about soothing you.

I'm really sorry that you are experiencing loss here, but in no way is he or she supposed to stay together for your sake.
 
@sylvie Amazing how she took him back after he cheated on her.

Wouldn’t that have actually been a bad outcome? Consenting to your daughter returning to a guy who is out macking other women?

Note to guys: They say they hate it but when other women find you attractive, they want you more. Different psychology to us, as we see them as soiled and to be returned to the streets.
 
@katrina2017 i wouldn’t say women want men more when other women find them attractive. I think it moreso has to do with low self-esteem and/or attachment to the guy.

I know many women who feel disgust towards men who have cheated, but those who stay often do because of attachment and feeling like they can’t do better. In no world does a man cheating make him more attractive.
 
@warrior97 Not cheating per se, but the fact he’s found attractive by other women. Social proof.

Every man knows you are seen with a beautiful woman and suddenly all these other women appear. Sexual competition.

A man is valued for his quality. Men generally are more interested in numbers. Bedding lots of women.

Plenty of women will tolerate cheating if the man is exceptionally high value. A movie star, a billionaire.

Men don’t as much, and this is also due to the historic risk of paternity fraud.

Evolutionary-wise it makes little difference if a man impregnates other women. If a woman is impregnated by another man, he loses his chance to breed and may risk pouring resources into another man’s child.

This is wh female promiscuously is viewed more negatively than male. Regardless of the cope of “patriarchal systems keeping us down”, this attitude is that which biology created and is as old as human beings.

Of course in this day and age it’s unacceptable in both sexes and of course women are upset by it.

I’m just explaining why.

A woman with a man who is highly desired by other women will think in her deep, cavewoman brain “this man is high value and high quality as other women recognise this”

This happens with men too but not as much as we are focussed more on fertility than genetic quality.

Fundamental truths which are unpopular.
 
@sylvie You wanted your daughter to stay with someone who cheated on her and disrespected her in such a big way?

Your daughter needs support and understanding. You might fee this way because of his disrespect to her and in a round about way, to you.

Edit to add:

I read it as “I begged” not “he begged” it wasn’t entirely clear! Dyslexia sometimes makes things awkward!”
 
@thegirlwithnousername I definitely didn’t want her to stay with a cheater! I’m angry and disappointed because he treated her poorly and as you said, in a roundabout way us! At home I’m being supportive of her because it’s her breakup not mine. That’s why I posted here. I have to hold it all in at home and be there with hugs and tissues.
 
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