Going through it
- Thread starter cm0308
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- single parents
stephenbooth
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brightsmith
New member
@cm0308 I have 3 and I am 34m.
I am stuck in a foreign country because their mother is a violent lunatic who won't let us leave, she is living in the house I paid for in cash. She pays no rent and no mortgage, she doesn't pay child support. In the last year I'd estimate 50 horrid experiences of her engaging in atrocious acts towards myself and the kids. No one gives a shit because she is female and a national of this country and men are second class citizens, while foreigners are dirt here.
I do not speak the language, I do not know anyone, I have no friends and family here and I will be chained to this place for 11 years - I cannot even take my kids to see family back home as we don't have her permission (see Hague convention on international child abduction). I work nights from home and get 4 hours sleep a day. I see the police, social services and courts on a very regular basis which is draining to say the least (emotionally and financially).
It's tough.
But you can do it. Your kids love you, even if their other parent is a piece of shit. It isn't your fault, and you have two options - hate yourself and the world for it and complain that it isn't fair which will change absolutely nothing and drive you to despair, or give yourself a good kick up the ass, stand up tall and stride into the future one day at a time.
Remember - self-care is vital, treat yourself to something small every day because you've definitely earned it. A hot meal, a face mask, a movie or reading a book, some behavioural management classes to help you with the kids because I know it's a handful with multiple kids by yourself.
Another thing to remember - one day at a time it gets easier, the kids get older, they can help with chores (age appropriate), and cuddles - lots of cuddles and affection will get you through but don't become emotionally dependent and a burden on them, don't complain to them - they are kids and to them, you are a god and mom and you're their rock, not the other way around.
Don't be hard on yourself, seize the day instead, even doing something small to better your environment will make you feel better than you did earlier that day. Have a bubble bath with some candles, stick some cucumber on your eyes and relax for 20 minutes.
You can do it. We believe in you. You've got this, and remember - when it gets really hard and tiring, you're the one that is there, you're the one that is putting the work in, when the kids are grown, they will remember and love you for it, for always being the one they could depend on, even if there was no one else that you could depend on yourself.
I am stuck in a foreign country because their mother is a violent lunatic who won't let us leave, she is living in the house I paid for in cash. She pays no rent and no mortgage, she doesn't pay child support. In the last year I'd estimate 50 horrid experiences of her engaging in atrocious acts towards myself and the kids. No one gives a shit because she is female and a national of this country and men are second class citizens, while foreigners are dirt here.
I do not speak the language, I do not know anyone, I have no friends and family here and I will be chained to this place for 11 years - I cannot even take my kids to see family back home as we don't have her permission (see Hague convention on international child abduction). I work nights from home and get 4 hours sleep a day. I see the police, social services and courts on a very regular basis which is draining to say the least (emotionally and financially).
It's tough.
But you can do it. Your kids love you, even if their other parent is a piece of shit. It isn't your fault, and you have two options - hate yourself and the world for it and complain that it isn't fair which will change absolutely nothing and drive you to despair, or give yourself a good kick up the ass, stand up tall and stride into the future one day at a time.
Remember - self-care is vital, treat yourself to something small every day because you've definitely earned it. A hot meal, a face mask, a movie or reading a book, some behavioural management classes to help you with the kids because I know it's a handful with multiple kids by yourself.
Another thing to remember - one day at a time it gets easier, the kids get older, they can help with chores (age appropriate), and cuddles - lots of cuddles and affection will get you through but don't become emotionally dependent and a burden on them, don't complain to them - they are kids and to them, you are a god and mom and you're their rock, not the other way around.
Don't be hard on yourself, seize the day instead, even doing something small to better your environment will make you feel better than you did earlier that day. Have a bubble bath with some candles, stick some cucumber on your eyes and relax for 20 minutes.
You can do it. We believe in you. You've got this, and remember - when it gets really hard and tiring, you're the one that is there, you're the one that is putting the work in, when the kids are grown, they will remember and love you for it, for always being the one they could depend on, even if there was no one else that you could depend on yourself.
weareheavenbound
New member
@cm0308 I've been a single mom of four kids for 5 years, it's been incredibly difficult the only thing that keeps me going is holding onto a dream of having a better life. I wanted to be a nurse forever. I found someone willing to help me with my kids so I can go back to nursing school. You have to have something to look forward to and have hope that it gets better. When they were really young it was really hard. I would work the night shift and Sleep when they were in school and wake up just in time for them to get home. I got 6 hours of Sleep a day working a minimum wage job. I got state assistance to make it easier. Food stamps, state insurance, any finacial help I could get from my community, eventually you adapt and it does get easier. But you have to keep a dream in your heart to look forward to getting past the hard times, now that they're older I don't even know how I made it in their younger years but somehow I did. Somehow when your in survival mode you find a way to make it work. When your really going through it just know that time moves quickly and it won't be like this forever
alexxmedeiros
New member
@weareheavenbound Yes, same same same! My story is very similar. How did we get through? We just do what we gotta do! That's how. It doesn't really get easier, we just get stronger 
gabbythanks
New member
justforchrist
New member
@cm0308 Became a Dad at 15 she left fo a min. 6 months I raised my little girl by myself learned to dress ,feed,change etc. Her mother came back had another girl 3 yrs later Lost my job so I had to learn how to dress,feed,comb hair, cook breakfast take to school pick up from school.. do home work play make dinner while she worked. For a yr. In other words youve got this just keep pushing forward and it will smooth it's way out. Promise .. may God bless you and your Children. Take care
@cm0308 It’s been 5 years now and I feel you……4 would be double the trouble for me and I commend you…..It’s hard but there was always little things that my kids would say that was out of the blue funny - or they would say a new word and make me laugh. Those are the little things that will get you through this and in a few years after time flys by you will have raised 4 great kids ready for the world…..hang in there
@andrew742 Thank you! They are amazing kids, and I love them so much. It just gets really heavy sometimes, and I know I’m not alone in this feeling.
markhilton
New member
@cm0308 I’m feel your pain my husband left once my daughter was 3 and never looked back, she’s now 14 and my sons 16 and I’m struggling trying to find him a cheap reliable vehicle (as I can barely find that for myself) I drive a 2005 Tahoe and my ex has a 2023 ford truck with rims and all the extras just got a 2024 Harley, if I sit here and compare everything I don’t have to him I cry, but I also take pride in myself knowing when it comes down to it my kids know who makes the scarfices for them, and who really cares about them when it comes down too it. Just remember you’re bigger and stronger and better than him and the kids will eventually see that. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but it doesn’t and in today’s economy I am really struggling, the problem is we need two incomes under one roof even with CS it’s just not enough. And any time I ask for anything extra “im such a money hungry bitch” so I’ve given up even asking for anything even drs bills that supposedly he’s responsible for 50% I’d have to take him to court to get it so that’s pointless it’s all just a fight a fucking fight that shouldn’t have to fought. It’s disgusting that we have to fight so hard for what’s right….
@markhilton I’m so sorry. My mind is blown how most men are able to do this to their own kids. Selfish all the way through
andynjulie
New member
faithfulfollowerofyeshua
New member
scolastica
New member
alexxmedeiros
New member
@scolastica Usually, if they work child support enforcement will do it automatically and will continue to set up garnishments if they switch jobs, especially if the children receive any type of public assistance
