God I hate my 5 year old right now

[dylanrowe1]

@poweredbyjesus take a bath, "I don't want to take a bath." Get out of the bath, "I don't want to get out of the bath." Time to come to the table to eat, NO! We've been eating for 45 minutes and it's time to leave "I"m not done"

I feel you. I honestly think it's some sort of instinctive reflex response to any change. I feel like if I said "stop playing, it's time for candy" the answer would still be no before he even thought about it.

Something that helps me is to go to a park with no time limit. You want to play for 3 hours? it's up to you when we leave. That way I don't have to fight with him as much. I also try not to be in situations where I know it's going to be a fight.

After 4pm is literally the worst time of day until bedtime, because we have so much we have to do.

What do the teacher's say? Sometimes the kids save that behavior for their safe person at home. If it's a problem at school, I think that is the line between ODD (or ADHD) and regular spirited child.

 

[poweredbyjesus]

@dylanrowe1 Yeah I’m school and with other people there seems not to be any issues.

 

[bella1958]

@poweredbyjesus This is not helpful as a solution, but it is the only advise I really give. Everything with kids is a phase. Hard phases will pass (even if they seem endless at the time). Remember that the good phases pass too, so try to remember to appreciate them when they happen.

Because this too will pass, you will eventually not remember - so get some good tantrum videos! My son is 13 and I break those every now and then for a laugh.

Good luck and big hugs!

 

[justinemf]

@poweredbyjesus Just by reading all the things that you wrote I can understand why your child behaves the way he does: your tantrum here, expressed with words, reflects your inner state, which in turn affects your child’s behavior (they imitate everything they see). Do not blame the child, you’re the adult, maybe you got a lot of unresolved issues with yourself, maybe your parents hadn’t patience with you and you are now acting in the same way, programming already your own kid to do the same when he’s got his own children.

Kids imitate every single thing that their parents do. They’re like little mirrors that magnify all the good and the bad things we adults have. Do not talk about him like that, you can be a better person and a better dad / mom. Be an example for him. If you lose your mind over every single thing that you have to deal with, your child can’t learn any better than that.

Nothing is going to change unless you change first.

 

[filqwer]

@justinemf this is a hard truth but it's TRUE. our children reflect back to us difficult truths about ourselves. It doesn't mean they're exactly like us but often when my daughter makes me uncomfortable with her behaviour, it's that she's revealing a weakness I have (like keeping my cool).

 

[tibet66]

@poweredbyjesus Our 12 year old boy is awful too. My wife calls him an asshole to his face, it's that bad. But for us, it's his mouth. He has zero ability to see someone else's perspective and says extremely mean and thoughtless things and doesn't understand why nobody wants to talk to him. On top of that, he keeps talking when he's already in trouble, which only digs the hole deeper. I realize that me saying this probably won't make you feel any better, since it shows that even 7 years from now, you might not have any relief with your child.

 

[questant]

@tibet66 Yeesh, calling a 12 year old an asshole is....not great.

 

[tibet66]

@questant I agree. But if the shoe fits...

 

[richyc]

@tibet66 You know i feel every single word of that "asshole".
Sht sometimes we as parents cannot be super parents with super powers and have all that patience and specially if we know our child is not even going to respect our ability to stay clean with a poker face and say " time out honey "
PuuuhhhLeeeezzzaaah!
We do have that same right. And if at the moment that child is being a straight ahole well fkme and my bad parenting tools bcuz im with u on this one!....
U oughta have a ahole child to know what they make us turn into. And no! They dont always get it from the parents . I have 5 boys and they all act extremely different from each other. Not all of them act like us..

 

[holmie]

@poweredbyjesus He has only had a few years of communication experience. Maybe you were born perfect, but I know I wasn't.

This post kind of seems you don't have enough compassion and patients for him. The thing about kids is they can tell when a parent is sick of them. It just escalates.

 

[skiny899]

@poweredbyjesus Teenage years are going to be real fun.

 

[healthymomsrus]

@poweredbyjesus I feel ya! Glad you have a safe space to vent. Hang in there!

 

[rogerramjet]

@poweredbyjesus Absolutely a safe space! It might be worth it to try and analyze where the meltdowns are coming from though. We were constantly having fights trying to get to school and bed. I gave my daughter lists with sliders to check off what she's done. She has one for getting ready for school and getting ready for bed. That autonomy has done wonders for her attitude during those transitions.

 

[christinak]

@poweredbyjesus I have a 2 and 3 year old and this comment makes me sad because I'm fully relying on 5 being the easy year...

 

[cjw2013]

@poweredbyjesus I think we should all have "fucking tedious child" exchange days, where we all get to see everyone else's misery in their unique and idiosyncratic ways. Hey, would you like my 3 year old who gets angry if you talk about feelings? Or in fact if you talk to her?

 

[mariacarla]

@cjw2013 Omg this is a great idea.

 

[pinkdonut]

@poweredbyjesus Please look into how kids manifest anxiety. Also put boundaries around screens.

 

[garnet78]

@poweredbyjesus Have you spoken to his teacher? It may not have crossed your mind if he does ok in school...but teachers, as long as they aren't brand new, have seen a LOT of kids....and they tend to have a better pulse on when something is off.

I had a lot of similar issues with my son and when the preK teacher started mentioning autism, I went to his pediatrician, a therapist, play therapy and then after the pandemic happened, we finally found the right therapist and we have been working with him for almost 3 years now.

My son is smart, funny, compassionate and empathetic. He makes eye contact and when I had a weird gut feeling around the time he was 2, his pediatrician waved it off and said he was the "least autistic child" she had seen. LOL. He was the kind of baby who would flirt with every lady at the grocery store, and as a toddler would beg me to take him to Best Buy so he could hit the buttons on the one TV that would play his favorite Justin Timblerlake song from Trolls and he would dance in front of people. Even with all the evidence to the contrary...I knew there was something different about my boy....and I was right.

He is high functioning...has anxiety issues...does not deal with frustration well...has very narrow interests and will spend hours and hours and hours on the same video game if I let him. There are times I thought...those women who drive their cars off the bridge...I get that now. Doing 1st grade from home having to make him sit in front of a computer when he would rather be doing anything else....pure hell.

Things are getting better with age (he's almost 9) and I understand him a lot better which helps. I would strongly recommend consulting at least the pediatrician and getting out ahead of things if there is some neurodivergence involved. It won't be this way forever momma...my son in Kindergarten was a menace. Every day at pick up his teacher would be there waiting to tell me some bad behavior he had. In 1st grade once he returned to in person school he was flipping desks over and required an aid to sit with him to keep him on task. That continued with better results in 2cd grade. As a 3rd grader I have heard not one single negative remark from any of the staff. He does not require an aid and he seems to be happy there now. He gets all A's and B's.

It will be ok!

 

[bomberman]

@poweredbyjesus Just hear to say I feel ya! I'm having lots of disagreements, fights with my 5 almost 6 year old daughter. She throws fits, she talks back, she doesn't listen. Worse thing is she's getting in trouble at school for pushing, tripping, saying unkind things.
She is my middle girl and we are a very loving happy family. She eats great she gets plenty of sleep. I just dont know why she's acting out this way. I've been on waiting lists for therapists for months. Hard to find one who accepts our insurance.

 

[robotclock]

@poweredbyjesus My gosh, the way you talk about your child!!! Rotten a-hole? Really? Maybe the problem is you? The behavior you describe means something. In most case it’s a cry for attention.