Do you think i would deserve Christmas presents if you had 3 F’s in school?

[shelman]

@kolson0319 Not everyone is smart. This should have no bearing on whether the child is loved, and consequently whether they should get Xmas presents. School isn't everything

 

[cechols]

@kolson0319 I don't see what Christmas presents have to do with grades. Now if it's going out with friends to do stuff then no, school is before going out just as work is before clubbing but neither has any bearings on holidays, family gatherings and presents.

 

[iamnothing]

@kolson0319 Of course you do, everyone deserves presents at Christmas.

I would ask yourself why you're failing 3 classes however, do you need extra support? Is there something outside of school going on that's affecting your grades? Are you having a hard time at school in general?

Not everyone is academic but it doesn't mean you're not smart or don't deserve things that other people do. You can only do your best.

 

[katrina2017]

@kolson0319 Yes, you deserve presents. Receiving presents should not depend on your grades.

Maybe you shouldn't receive something like a new phone or gaming system, since those are addictive and can affect your ability to concentrate and study well, but you still deserve presents in general.

 

[carolj471]

@kolson0319 Be honest here, even if you may not have been elsewhere; how much have you been slacking off/not trying?

I like to think that most things on the parenting spectrum as to how proud of/happy with their child we are directly relates to how much effort has been put in. If my son tries his best at something then I'm not going to punish him if it falls short of an expectation (though will likely look for a way to help next time), if he obviously doesn't even try then my sympathy levels are so low you'd have to dig for them.

 

[nannewmx]

@kolson0319 1) I separate academics from holidays. There are other ways to give consequences. 2) It also really depends on why you got the Fs. Christmas might be the only fun day you get in my house for awhile in many circumstances.

 

[lalynx]

@kolson0319 If I were your parents, I would probably get you a tutor if I myself wasn't able to help you in those classes. You absolutely still deserve Christmas presents, you're still a kid..

 

[runningmama4three]

@kolson0319 I, too would not pretend that Santa only gives my son presents if he does good in school, or has specific behaviors. I don't think it is a healthy approach. I'm a big fan of psychology, it's how I parent. Obviously, if you're doing poorly in school, perhaps there's something else going on. Whether you're struggling socially, mental or emotional stress. Or if you really struggle in certain academic subjects. Perhaps his motivation. Whatever it is, I would work on it with my kid way before I saw one F. I was in A student as a kid. My mother got into drugs, and married a physically abusive man. So naturally, my grades plummeted. Everyone goes through hardships, or needs extra support. It has nothing to do with what you deserve. As a parent, I feel it is all of our jobs to support and discipline our children with love, communication and putting an effort. I think it's the bad parents or lazy parents that hit kids, tell them that they don't deserve certain things, when they don't put the work into helping their children when they need it. That's just my opinion.

 

[mooeypoo]

@kolson0319 Did you even complete any of the assignments? I'm not sure how you'd get 3 F's unless you have something else going on? I'd recommend speaking to someone about this and even talking to a trusted teacher who may be able to help you. School only gets harder after year 10. Years 11 and 12 were definitely harder for me and required more of my time. So if you're planning on completing and passing year 12 I'd be trying to get on top of it asap and concerning myself less on whether I deserve christmas presents or not lol

 

[unitedmethodistman18]

@kolson0319 There is more to life than just school.
School and education is important of course, but doing bad at a chunk of school shouldn't disqualify you from the annual reward /joy of Christmas and your birthday.

 

[kolson0319]

@unitedmethodistman18 Talking about my birthday, my birthday is on December 30th.

 

[perksyshirl61]

@kolson0319 Every kid deserves presents, unless like they're killing small animals or something.

But, just make sure it's all clothes. When their grades are good, they can have the fun stuff again. lol

 

[houndbasset]

@kolson0319 Depends. What is the reason for the F’s? If you’re legitimately struggling and need help then punishment isn’t going to solve anything.

If you skip school all the time or refuse to do your work, then what? Maybe nobody is meeting expectations.

 

[tsani]

@kolson0319 Christmas is not about earning presents. It’s about a spirit of giving. Wether you have 3F’s all F’s or none at all, the spirit of Christmas remains.

 

[ajarntham]

@kolson0319 I would hesitate around words like "deserve" and "worthy" for the way they'd potentially leave my kid feeling. Grades are important, education is important, but I wouldn't want either of my kids feeling like their struggles in school effect how much they're loved. I'd probably skip out on the pricey, big ticket type gifts, but they'd still get presents.

I can see in some comments that OP is in the 10th grade, so probably about 15/16 years old. That's about when I got access to my parents' car. I'd probably hold off on that for my kids if they were struggling, less to punish them and more to incentivize them. So yeah, I'd skip the access to a car, or getting them a car, skip the new computers, new playstations - anything over $100 would be out that year. I'd still get them some nice gifts. I don't want my kids feeling left out on the holidays when we're supposed to be closer than ever.

 

[shirleybaccus]

@kolson0319 yes because you're MORE THAN THAT

 

[donna8558]

@kolson0319 Gifts on a birthday or Christmas aren’t about academic results, to me. A gift isn’t earned, it’s a choice someone makes to show a physical representation of their care for you.

I guess the side question here is — is this being asked because you’re feeling bad or ashamed? And are these results after you tried your hardest, or did you just ignore the work you were supposed to do all year?

Cos if this is you putting in effort, then you haven’t done anything wrong here, and school and tests aren’t for everyone.

If you stuffed up because you haven’t been studying, I think you’ve probably learned a lesson here ; can’t just coast by without any work, and I think feeling bad about it now is probably as much “punishment” as you need. At the end of the day, your school journey really only impacts you, and if you try as hard as you can, that’s all you can do. If you slack off, then you’re putting some limitations on your choices.

I think I’d have a hard time not giving my child a gift at Christmas regardless of F grades. The grade itself is the consequence to me.

 

[ericlarrybob1]

@kolson0319 yes? christmas shouldnt be based on school stuff personally. I will never use christmas as a punishment

 

[katrina2017]

@kolson0319 I don’t know how no Christmas gifts would be a natural consequence of bad grades, bad grades means you need help and extra attention in learning those subjects. Gift giving is meant to show an appreciation from the person giving you a gift.

In fact, if I saw my kids were struggling with their grades I would probably add some learning-themes gifts that can help them better like workbooks or better tools/materials to use, or even an online program that can give some extra tutoring.

 

[stander_pty]

@kolson0319 As I’ve gotten older, and moreso since I’ve become a parent, I’ve begun to dislike the idea of Christmas presents being based on “good” behavior more and more. I was a “difficult” child. I was incredibly argumentative with my parents, stubborn, and independent to a fault. I had a lot of difficulty socially, and I often under-performed on schoolwork because I wasn’t motivated to put in the effort. My parents never actually withheld Christmas presents, but they threatened to many times. I still vividly remember my parents actually dangling a mesh stocking full of coal in front of my face and telling me that, if I didn’t behave better, that’s what Santa would bring me. I think I was maybe 6 or so at the time. No clue what I :”did, but I remember the coal. And I don’t think their threats actually made me behave better.

So if I were your parent, I’d say it’s not about whether you “deserve” Christmas presents; I give you Christmas presents as a way to show my love. But I’d also want to explore why you had gotten the bad grades. Are the classes too difficult for you? Is there something else going on in your life that’s affecting your school performance? So yeah, we’d be looking into the grades, and I would do everything I could to help. And there may be some non-Christmas-related consequences, but that would probably depend on what triggered the bad grades.

But you are always worthy of love, so you are always worthy of Christmas gifts.