@sabrinawellard Enough people commented about the gifts, I just want to touch on the tik tok/Facebook coparents. I’m a step and came from 2 very blended families since I’m the oldest and both parents remarried. I stay here for perspective and because there’s a lot more actually “how to make this work well” mentality than on the step sub.
That being said… I think the whole influencer “we’re all perfect friends/family” thing is way overblown. Just thinking about the people who WANT to post about their coparent. Their ex. Their very personal parenting dynamics… that’s not most people. And the people who do want to shine a light on all of that for the public to see usually are going to be the ones who want to brag. Whether or not that’s reality. Some might genuinely be proud of the situation. Others may WANT to be proud and spin their situation to appear perfect.
I’ve been a part of a lot of coparenting dynamics throughout my life. As a kid and now as a very involved step to my own family. The only players I can identify in my family who would put on that “perfect” family show are the ones who are hyper-insecure about how messy their lives are.
The stepkid’s bio mom used to post pictures of me without my consent on her Facebook. She asked us to do a group photo shoot. She tells her family that we’re this crazy idealistic power parenting team. She loudly asks us out for ice cream with the kids in front of other parents. It’s an act. She literally knows nothing about us beyond parenting decisions and need to know things. The only events we DO see each other for all year are birthdays and kid events. Every single step of the way has been a challenge. She was a serial cheater. She physically and financially abused my SO. There’s a court hearing pending because she repeatedly claimed she was a single mother with 0 help on assistance applications while SO has always had the kids more than 50% of the time. We’re on total opposite ends of the parenting spectrum - we’re very authoritative. Limit screen time to 2 hours, family dinner nightly, reading daily, routine and responsibility is very necessary. She lets them skip school and pretty much free range.
If you saw her Facebook, you would seriously think we were like sisters. That her and my SO were bffs who realized they just wanted to raise kids together and not be partners. That we all did Christmas together and would plan a vacation. It’s not real. She’s guilty that their kids have to deal with 2 households and wildly overcompensates.
There is NOTHING wrong with being neutral and civil and nothing more. I’m really proud of the fact that in 5 years I have never once said a negative word about the kid’s mom. We might not be that Christmas together family(s). But we’ll NEVER ever ever be that Christmas feels like a war for the children family. We don’t do home pickups and drop offs when we can avoid it, and they’re no nonsense when they do happen. But we’re never going to have an argument in front of the kids with pick ups or drop offs. We’re not going to go on vacation together, ever. But we are going to accommodate each other’s trips and keep the kids out of that process. To me neutrality is WAY better than forcing it out of guilt/how it “should” be.
