@abbey_in_wonderland Even if EMS was called, I believe LEO would show up as well to secure the scene for the safety of EMS and everyone.
catservant
New member
@jar1437 My best friend in high school was starving herself and harming herself in other ways. Her mom was a drunk and her dad traveled a lot for work. One day when her dad was home I told both him and her mom that she wasn’t eating and hurting herself. She had already lost 20lbs and was super tiny to begin with. She told me she hated me and wish I would die. We were 16 and 17. She got admitted and got the help she needed. It was about 3 months. I was devastated and really thought she hated me. When she got back she told me how much she loved me and appreciated me for seeing she needed help and for doing something.
We’re in our 30s now and she’s doing awesome
We’re in our 30s now and she’s doing awesome
lonelyinmarriage
New member
@catservant Good friend you are! I am glad that you took that step and wasn’t afraid to get involved or tell her parents.
moshesearcy
New member
@jar1437 [TW: adding spoilers for some detailed eating disorder experiences]
I was around your daughter’s age the first time I went to treatment for my eating disorder. Eating disorders are insidious; they can become their own entity. I thought of my eating disorder as my superpower (I used it to cope with trauma-related anxiety). I will never forget how angry I was early on in the recovery process. I had become so irrational that I was terrified of food but I was even more scared of the trauma and emotions that I would have to confront if I couldn’t use my eating disorder as a crutch. One friend refused to touch or smell food because she thought she would absorb calories. I can’t say what’s going on in your daughter’s mind but as a mother myself now I understand the pain I put my mother through as she tried to get me help. I remember telling her that I would hate her forever. I distinctly remember the pained tone in her voice as she told me that she was okay with me hating her. I couldn’t hate her if I was dead. Treatment was extremely hard but it saved my life. I have been able to apologize to my mother a million times and we also experienced a lot of healing and clarity when we did family therapy together.
Please don’t blame yourself for calling for help. This is a problem that is bigger than both of you. As a mom, the desire is to be able to fix things because it’s hard to watch the child that you love be so unhappy. This is scary, uncharted territory for both of you and I hope that your daughter is able to get the help that she needs.
I was around your daughter’s age the first time I went to treatment for my eating disorder. Eating disorders are insidious; they can become their own entity. I thought of my eating disorder as my superpower (I used it to cope with trauma-related anxiety). I will never forget how angry I was early on in the recovery process. I had become so irrational that I was terrified of food but I was even more scared of the trauma and emotions that I would have to confront if I couldn’t use my eating disorder as a crutch. One friend refused to touch or smell food because she thought she would absorb calories. I can’t say what’s going on in your daughter’s mind but as a mother myself now I understand the pain I put my mother through as she tried to get me help. I remember telling her that I would hate her forever. I distinctly remember the pained tone in her voice as she told me that she was okay with me hating her. I couldn’t hate her if I was dead. Treatment was extremely hard but it saved my life. I have been able to apologize to my mother a million times and we also experienced a lot of healing and clarity when we did family therapy together.
Please don’t blame yourself for calling for help. This is a problem that is bigger than both of you. As a mom, the desire is to be able to fix things because it’s hard to watch the child that you love be so unhappy. This is scary, uncharted territory for both of you and I hope that your daughter is able to get the help that she needs.
ivanwarner
New member
@moshesearcy Hugs to you. I am so glad you are here now.
moshesearcy
New member
@ivanwarner Thank you
@jar1437 You’re her mother, you will always do whatever it takes to protect her…it may or may not be the right thing to do but in your mind and heart you’re always just trying to protect her so let go of the guilt. (I’m a mom, and I’m permanently guilty of something)
You need help too, so you can help her. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure you get some therapy/support even as you get help for her.
Hang in there mama! You’re the best mama for her!!
You need help too, so you can help her. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure you get some therapy/support even as you get help for her.
Hang in there mama! You’re the best mama for her!!
@jar1437 She’s 12, she won’t forgive you right now but don’t take it to heart.
Personally, I’d speak to a therapist get myself sort of aligned and kinda practice my words and approach, then have an honest discussion with your daughter. Show her it’s all love and concern, and that you’re on her side even though sometimes you gotta fight for her from the other side.
Also, she needs to understand that weapons are not tolerated. So that if anyone in her future ever pulls a knife stunt, she’ll not think “it’s okay, I used to do it too”. Get what I mean?
It shall be well.
Personally, I’d speak to a therapist get myself sort of aligned and kinda practice my words and approach, then have an honest discussion with your daughter. Show her it’s all love and concern, and that you’re on her side even though sometimes you gotta fight for her from the other side.
Also, she needs to understand that weapons are not tolerated. So that if anyone in her future ever pulls a knife stunt, she’ll not think “it’s okay, I used to do it too”. Get what I mean?
It shall be well.
ivanwarner
New member
@jar1437 Speaking as someone who had anorexia and was absolutely horrible to my parents at the time - if she’s anything like me, she will forgive you. It will take time, and she will probably hate you for a while, but will be grateful you did what you could to get her help. I was so mad at my parents for forcing me into treatment when I was 14 (we did outpatient) but I’m really thankful now that I’m in my 30’s that it 1) introduced me to the therapy which I desperately needed for a lot of reasons and 2) kept me alive. Anorexia is a terrible disease for the sufferer but also for their loved ones. Take care of yourself and give yourself some grace if you can.
@jar1437 You absolutely made the right call, when anyone threatens you like that you call 911.
I’m a medical social worker and one of the units I work with is the eating disorder program. It sounds like this call was necessary and woke you up to how serious this situation is. I think it is prudent to have your daughter evaluated for her eating disorder and mental health, but you need to ensure that she’s at a health body weight to address her mental health.
I would encourage you to schedule an appointment with her PCP who can get her weight, heart rate, and blood pressure. If she’s still within normal range then an outpatient eating disorder clinic is a good next step along with a therapist. However, if her weight is not within normal range she may need to be admitted to the hospital.
I’m a medical social worker and one of the units I work with is the eating disorder program. It sounds like this call was necessary and woke you up to how serious this situation is. I think it is prudent to have your daughter evaluated for her eating disorder and mental health, but you need to ensure that she’s at a health body weight to address her mental health.
I would encourage you to schedule an appointment with her PCP who can get her weight, heart rate, and blood pressure. If she’s still within normal range then an outpatient eating disorder clinic is a good next step along with a therapist. However, if her weight is not within normal range she may need to be admitted to the hospital.
@jar1437 I work at a psych hospital doing intakes, including pediatric intakes. You can talk to a hospital social worker who can connect you to services as well. This is how we are typically connected to patients. They can help to assess if she needs inpatient or out patient care and they put a referral packet out to all nearby treatment centers that could potentially treat her.
A lot of people come in as walk-ins to the ER and go to treatment from there, but you could probably call the hospital and set an appointment as well. This sounds like a situation where you could definitely qualify for inpatient care and an involuntary hold if you wanted it. Most inpatient treatment centers will want to see her medically cleared and hear that she hasn’t been violent with clinicians in the referring health center as well.
The fact that a weapon is involved brings this to a higher level. Not getting her help means that she could do something else impulsive against herself or someone else and there could be permanent consequences.
TLDR call your local pediatric hospital and ask them if you should come to the ER for a psych evaluation or if they can set up an appointment with a social worker for an assessment for a referral to an inpatient psych hospital that can do emergency stabilization and eating disorders.
A lot of people come in as walk-ins to the ER and go to treatment from there, but you could probably call the hospital and set an appointment as well. This sounds like a situation where you could definitely qualify for inpatient care and an involuntary hold if you wanted it. Most inpatient treatment centers will want to see her medically cleared and hear that she hasn’t been violent with clinicians in the referring health center as well.
The fact that a weapon is involved brings this to a higher level. Not getting her help means that she could do something else impulsive against herself or someone else and there could be permanent consequences.
TLDR call your local pediatric hospital and ask them if you should come to the ER for a psych evaluation or if they can set up an appointment with a social worker for an assessment for a referral to an inpatient psych hospital that can do emergency stabilization and eating disorders.
ivanwarner
New member
strawberrychoco
New member
@jar1437 There is nothing wrong with sending police to a scene where someone is brandishing a weapon. You said yourself he was nice and tried to calm you down. Your mindset of cops being bad guys (in spite of this experience showing you otherwise) is doing you a serious disservice in this situation.
chauncywilltheologian
New member
@strawberrychoco I don't think you are seeing the whole picture. She feels bad that a cop came because with a cop responding, the implication is her daughter = criminal, lawbreaker, bad.
It's not about the cop (who she explicitly said was nice, though not able to cope particularly helpfully with the situation).
It's not about the cop (who she explicitly said was nice, though not able to cope particularly helpfully with the situation).