Called 9-11 on daughter

[davidlafond]

@jar1437 My mom and my counselor at the time put me into a week long program through a psychiatric ward at our local children's hospital. I was barely 14, of course I hated my mom for it. I hated everyone. I cried so hard the first day and throughout the night, I'm sure everyone on that floor heard me. I didn't care. It really made me realize a lot of things. Mostly that I just wanted to get out, but also the depth of my issues, and what actually fucked up looks like. Like 8 year olds that fantasize about murdering their whole families just to get some attention in the world (I wish I was kidding). Not saying my problems, or your daughters problems are invalid! But omg it can be so so much worse. I know you're worried your daughter is mad at you; but you're both scared. She's looking to you for answers. Even if she's screaming in your face she isn't. You need to do the right thing and get her into help now. Either individual counseling, group therapy with you and her, or even family therapy if she more comfortable with that. Whatever the root of the problem is isn't "fine" I promise it will not work itself out. It needs professional help. I'm so sorry, but and 11 year old seriously threatening ANYONE with a knife warrants a HEAVY consequence.

 

[jar1437]

@davidlafond Thank you, I'm sorry you had a difficult experience in your childhood. Mental health issues are so tough. I'm lucky my daughter has a referral to a psychiatrist. Hoping he can help us soon. I was so scared she would hurt me.

 

[rena42war]

@jar1437 Hey mama.

I’m glad you have that referral. Please use it.

 

[davidlafond]

@jar1437 I truly hope you two can come to peace again. I wish your daughter all the best with her mental health journey and also to you navigating through all that as her mom.

 

[goldensilver]

@jar1437 If she is threatening you with a knife she needs to be hospitalized for impatient psychiatric therapy. Do not wait for the referral, go to the hospital

 

[stonefist]

@goldensilver Came here to say this - if they're threatening harm to anyone else or themselves, immediate hospitalization is required. TAKE HER TO THE ER - DO NOT WAIT FOR THE REFERRAL APPOINTMENT.

 

[annieb727]

@goldensilver She is a danger to herself and others so in patient is the only way to help her. In my humble and loving opinion you got this mom. Drive to the closest er. Explain she is a danger to herself and others

 

[jake93]

@goldensilver Right. She is a danger to others and that cop should have 5150’d her. As hard as that is for a parent (I’ve been close to it myself), in that case it is what should have happened.

 

[samuru]

@davidlafond My sister had mostly behavioral issues, her and mom fought and it got so bad she was put in a group home for a bit as at fourteen (I’m 7 years older). She did group therapy with the other girls. She said that is when she finally realized that mom was not evil and she didn’t have it so bad at home. Perspective alone is worth its weight in gold. I’m the one with mental health issues and the roughly 24 hours I once had to spend in a psychiatric ward was enough to make it extremely clear I did not want to be inpatient ever again. I try very hard to find perspective elsewhere now.

 

[jar1437]

@samuru Your sister sounds a bit like what my daughter's like. It's bad and my daughter is convinced I'm evil and she hates me because I try to make her eat. I wish she'd realize I'm not that bad

 

[samuru]

@jar1437 Yeah, my sister was a difficult teenager, and mom was not capable of handlingher. My sister really needed the hard wake up call. I have the feeling your daughter will only get hers after a few nights inpatient.

I don’t understand eating disorders, but as I said I did/do have mental health issues. They can really make everything feel oppressive, like everyone is harming you somehow. It’s not rational, it’s a chemical imbalance at the worst possible time (puberty). She doesn’t really hate you, and she will realize you are not evil, but you are going to have to make decisions that will not be popular with her to get there. Just remind yourself that her mind is telling her lies, and those lies seem so real that you can’t expect her to realize it. Not until she’s gotten help. All you can do is what is best for her, and safest for you both. She may need inpatient care, in a good pediatric hospital. Call her pediatrician if she has one, or the closest pediatric hospital and get guidance. Don’t let her overhear you, especially after the knife incident. She could self harm, so waiting is not ideal. It’s hard, but she clearly needs the help and as parents we have to make those hard choices. I wish you the best.

 

[jar1437]

@samuru Thank you

 

[lafinjack]

@jar1437 You don’t delete opinions you’re proud of, they can suck me. Good luck with your daughter

 

[anniesong43]

@jar1437 I have read some of your comments. You seem really concerned about what she thinks about YOU, how this makes YOU seem, how she might hurt YOU. This is not about you. This is about your daughter. Focus on your daughter.

 

[lafinjack]

@anniesong43 No hon, this is about a mother AND her daughter. She’s reaching out asking for reassurance in her actions and comfort, how is this not about her as well? I think we can all agree this mom has been at least bare minimum trying, so why can’t she be recognized emotionally as well? Y’all are wild with the ‘hasn’t googled eating disorders’, who goes straight to mommit on Reddit before fucking google. No one. FoCuS oN YoUR DAUGHTER shut the fuck up yo, that’s what she’s doing.

 

[anniesong43]

@lafinjack nice. she came here for opinions. That’s my opinion. Bye!

 

[humingbird]

@anniesong43 Well put!! I’m angry that she’s waited until her daughter is in absolute crisis before trying to get her help. It would appear that she’s not even googled eating disorders to try and understand why her daughter has one.

 

[jar1437]

@humingbird Not true. I've been trying for months to get her help. She's met with a social worker and had several pediatrician visits but lately it's impossible to physically get her to go to the doctor

 

[humingbird]

@jar1437 She needs to see a mental health clinician - one who’s an expert in eating disorders. Anorexia has the highest death rate of all mental illnesses and the longer your daughter has an eating disorder, the harder it will be for her to recover from. The eating disorder is a response to some trauma that your daughter has been experiencing and recovery won’t be easy.

I’m sorry if I seemed harsh but it totally sucks having an eating disorder and disentangling yourself from the traumas that have contributed to the ED but it can be done. Forcing your daughter to eat won’t help her - she quite likely may need inpatient treatment.

 

[davidlafond]

@samuru Yes, completely, yes. I would say that was a pivotal moment in my life. You can't understand a way of thinking until you are forced into situations sometimes.