Called 9-11 on daughter

[michasey]

@jar1437 My parents called the cops on me a lot. I deserved it... like bad acting out mental episodes. I also had an eating disorder and mental issues. Do you have crisis units in your state? Not like state hospital but crisis 72 hours to 5 days? They're actually pretty chill. She may not appreciate it now.... but later they're resources I still use. You can get a grant bed in my state. I'm not sure about yours. They kind of level you out and send you home. It won't fix the eating disorder but they can kinda figure out what's needed. But yeah, she'll definitely be mad... but you can only work from the knowledge you have of the situation and the condition. I'd recommend trying to learn more about her conditions as they find out more.. mom did that and it's really changed our relationship after 16 ish years of turmoil. We're not perfect but her trying to get me and sort of learning to set her own emotional boundaries of what she'll tolerate.. helps. At least keeps a reasonable peace. I've recovered from the eating disorders... but I'll say.. it's an addiction and disorder
So you have to keep in mind the manipulation aspect. And I'm not saying she's doing it of her own free will at all... it's the sickness. But you can't play along with that either because you could love her to literal death if you do. That's just advice from someone on the other side.... you did what you had to do. Approach it with empathy, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Learn about it and really how it effects the brain. I suggest the book winter girls. It'll give you a really clear idea of the craziness that anorexia creates. It's like a voice telling you what to do.... that book I think would help you. But also, look into crisis units. Because they can evaluate and her be home quickly bc... you're not gonna beat it alone. And forcibly just feeds it. But at least you can get insight on what to do. Like psychiatrists, meds whatever. Like a game plan

Edit: I see a lot of people saying inpatient. And I might be wrong. She might need that. I don't know really...I had it ten years? My inpatient friends (watch internet use!!!! We All talk. Find each other) they just got more.. manipulative. I guess it depends how bad it is. Bc I mean they sewed quarters in pockets to weigh more. So you're momma, you know your child... but I was institutionalized against my will and. I don't think that week did anything. Bc I was so mad
Therapy did

Oh! The comments made me think. Avoid gum, caffeine, pills I agree, diet drinks, rice cakes.. like if I fight it I bring in cupcakes.. And IDK if this will help.. or worsen. Scratch out the calories. They can be looked up. But it won't be As easy

 

[mariyab]

@jar1437 You need to find a place that specializes in eating disorders in minors and have her treated in an inpatient setting. If things are that volatile between you 2 then she needs a place she feels comfortable getting better & you need to go to counseling while she's away getting better so you both are getting better. Otherwise she's returning to the same environment she left from & her mental health will most likely relapse. You both have things you need to work on, but away from each other in safe, comfortable environments. Good luck.

 

[notmyrealname]

@jar1437 You need to take her to an emergency room immediately and request she be transferred to an inpatient facility. YOU CAN NOT HELP HER on your own. This is not a reflection of your parenting. As a mother recognize your daughter needs help and make sure she gets it.

 

[psykarios]

@jar1437 I don’t have experience with ED, but I was severely addicted to drugs in my teens. I WISH my mom had forced treatment on me or gotten me help in some way instead of complacently waiting for it to resolve itself. Because it didn’t resolve and it only got worse. Yes, she says she hates you now because she’s not thinking clearly, but she will thank you later.

 

[hfuller]

@jar1437 I’m so sorry that you have experienced this but you stated your partner is abusive and threatens to kill you. Or has in the past. I think your daughter noticed that and has emulated it. Not just anorexia.

 

[anniecoburn]

@jar1437 I mean she had a knife to your throat? What were you suppose to do ? And why was your husband mad he’s not there to help you!

 

[hing]

@jar1437 You did the right thing but you also need to take preventative steps and make a plan moving forward to getting your daughter the help she needs! Have you tried a daughter date night? Or just simply asking her to talk to you as you just sit and listen maybe write down things she says so you can go back a read and process the conversation ? Most teenage girls and boys having raging hormones they don’t even understand yet! I have a 13 yr old daughter and an 18yr old son and I have found that actually taking the time to talk with them and showing them I care about their day/thoughts and worried or even their school friend drama really helped me connect on more of a deeper level with them! The question is how well do you know your children? It sounds like you really love her but right now she is screaming for help and you need to advocate for her and help guide her and help her to feel safe! I wish you and your daughter the best of luck and understanding with in each other as you move forward with this next step on her journey to healing!

 

[sherr35]

@jar1437 She needs inpatient therapy for her eating disorder. You can’t just make an anorexic person eat a snack.

 

[allysolkins]

@jar1437 I kind of want to hear the daughters side here

 

[kcv64738081]

@allysolkins 1000% how did she get to the point of having an eating disorder? Everyone is saluting the mom and no one is even unboxing the trauma the child is currently experiencing. How the hell did this kid get to this point???????

 

[allysolkins]

@kcv64738081 i’m concerned about how OP is framing the situation, like she innocently offered this 12 year old a snack and she responded by screaming and threatening her with a knife. obviously threatening someone with a weapon is completely unacceptable but I have a feeling there’s missing context about how things escalated this much.

I want to make it clear that I’m not blaming OP for the eating disorder though, EDs can develop for a multitude of reasons and it’s not fair to automatically blame the parents

 

[kcv64738081]

@jar1437 I would be so angry if my mom called the cops on me at age 12. Imagine being 12 and scared and emotionally distraught and having no outlets for rage and just thinking the right thing to do is violence. And then being treated like an adult… when you’ve been treated like a child for 12 years when acting out. It sounds like this story has a lot more to it we are just hearing your perception of your side. You both need therapy.

 

[writer1958]

@jar1437 You made a mistake IMO. I’d apologize. 911 generally isn’t for help, it’s for police intervention (maybe your situation is different). You could have brought her to hospital inpatient as well. You will get through this! Tell her you got scared and reacted and this is serious and your family needs a better plan, which you are now doing.

 

[therealduckie]

@jar1437 As a former EMT they should have called ems. That was a mental health issue not domestic. Usually in our area in which I worked for they both go. Police for safety and ems to get them help. Sounds like she could benefit from inpatient therapy. Unfortunately at the age of becoming a teen a lot of mental health disorders amerge as well…. Yeah hormones with inpatient she gets the immediate help she needs and not being able to leave without being set on the right path and medication.

 

[pl222]

@jar1437 With the track record, police have with calling them for a mentally unstable individual. You’re lucky your daughters alive.

 

[melinda007]

@jar1437 I’m so sorry you both had to experience this. You did what you felt you needed to do for both of you and that’s more than okay. I’m learning more all the time that we need to be their parent more than their friend. She may “hate” you now, but she won’t always feel that way. She needs some help, and you made sure that she got some. Great job.

 

[faith35]

@jar1437 I’m so sorry you and your daughter went through this! You did what you thought was best and that is more than ok. I’m glad you got the referral and hope you can get in soon.

While in this situation calling 911 was best for your safety, if there’s ever a mental health crisis you or your daughter can call 988 to talk or out with a trained professional.

 

[areianistis]

@jar1437 Perhaps not what you're asking for here and very sorry if this is over stepping.... But just wanted to suggest the F.E.A.S.T website and their 'around the dinner table' forums for advice and support regarding helping a loved one through anorexia

 

[momgriego]

@jar1437 Omg you did exactly what you should
Have in this situation. That absolutely warrants a 5150 hold or at least the PERT doing an on-site evaluation.
I’m sorry you are going through this.

 

[sicky12]

@jar1437 It’s worth it for her to be upset with you if it gets her the help she needs. She was already upset with you beforehand. It’s a very complicated situation, if an adult brandished a knife we would not feel guilty calling 911, but with our child it’s a very complicated situation. I want to let you know that you did the right thing calling 911. You set that boundary that you will be taking it seriously if she brandishes a weapon, and doing that will have serious consequences (if she did that to anyone else, she could have been arrested). I’m a therapist a used to work with “high risk” teens, and we saw parents deal with being threatened by knives and other weapons all the time because they felt too guilty to call the police - which most of the time led to someone eventually getting hurt (mostly by accident). You can go to any psych hospital emergency room and ask for an evaluation sounds like it may be more than just an eating disorder. Also they will eventually transfer for treatment for disordered eating as well. Lock up knives, other sharp objects, and medication in the meantime. If she threatens you again, call 911 again. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this!