stratman777
New member
@bruin Could you just get a similar baby book that you have for your other kids and only fill out the parts from after he came to be with your family?
You could separately start a journal where you can write memories of you and his mom. You could include the memory of when she told you she was pregnant, any memories of her during her pregnancy. You can also include things like when you noticed he had her eyes or smile, etc.
You can do this slowly, as this will be hard. You could start with just buying a pretty journal and writing his name in it.
As you are able just write one memory at a time- maybe as they come to you.
Hugs to you- what you are doing must be so bitter sweet. You are a wonderful friend and mom for wanting to make sure this baby feels like part of your family while keeping his mom's memory alive
You could separately start a journal where you can write memories of you and his mom. You could include the memory of when she told you she was pregnant, any memories of her during her pregnancy. You can also include things like when you noticed he had her eyes or smile, etc.
You can do this slowly, as this will be hard. You could start with just buying a pretty journal and writing his name in it.
As you are able just write one memory at a time- maybe as they come to you.
Hugs to you- what you are doing must be so bitter sweet. You are a wonderful friend and mom for wanting to make sure this baby feels like part of your family while keeping his mom's memory alive
@bruin As an adoptee , thank you for recognizing that our first parents and adoptive parents are irreplaceable.
Did your friend text you ultra sound photos, bump pics, or anything like that? If you have android, your Google account can be used to make a photo album.I'm assuming Apple has similar options for photo albums.
In Google photos app, click on albums and then click on the album you want. There should be a button to order photos. If you click it, you can select a photo book, prints or print on canvas.
Absolutely you can rather quickly make a baby book that chronicles the journey, including screenshots of your friend's texts so your baby can later read her words for himself. You can also include extra pages to add the standard post-birth firsts. She won't be excluded and he will get to know both of his moms. Be sure to add photos you might have of you and his first mom. He deserves to see both his moms happy with their friend.
Did your friend text you ultra sound photos, bump pics, or anything like that? If you have android, your Google account can be used to make a photo album.I'm assuming Apple has similar options for photo albums.
In Google photos app, click on albums and then click on the album you want. There should be a button to order photos. If you click it, you can select a photo book, prints or print on canvas.
Absolutely you can rather quickly make a baby book that chronicles the journey, including screenshots of your friend's texts so your baby can later read her words for himself. You can also include extra pages to add the standard post-birth firsts. She won't be excluded and he will get to know both of his moms. Be sure to add photos you might have of you and his first mom. He deserves to see both his moms happy with their friend.
hughflowers
New member
@bruin You're going to need to delegate this one. Did the two of you have a 3rd friend? Or do you have a parent (mom or MIL) who scrapbooks. A teen girl, you know? Any way, start the book with pictures of the two of you as friends. Then pregnancy pictures, birth, then obituary and adoption papers. Then go as usual. If someone can get it started for you that would be great. Good luck, and sending prayers and blessings.
@bruin I think you’re overthinking it. Treat him exactly the same as your own kid which includes a baby book. Maybe include a story about how your friend told you she was pregnant and maybe some text messages you exchanged during the pregnancy. I’m adopted and would have loved my own baby book even if the pregnancy and newborn parts weren’t filled out. I’m so sorry for your loss but your son is lucky to have you and be raised by someone who was close to his biological mother.
@hrdj I saw this and thought it was cute as well! The page about awaiting to be picked as parents hit harsh though. This might just be me being in my own head and grief from losing my friend but it feels hard "celebrating" how he came to the family as if I am "celebrating" the loss of her. I couldn't love him more than if he was my own blood but I hate "how" he came to be mine. I hope that makes sense?
justineubanks
New member
@bruin My family is formed through adoption. I bought that book when we adopted my son was born and I gotta say, I wouldn’t count on that book being what you’re looking for.
I did Qeepsake where they send you questions over text and you answer them with words and photos. You can also add stuff you want to include without a prompt. Periodically you have the texts and pictures bound into a book.
Many of the questions are about development and firsts, so traditional, probably similar to your other kids books.
Some of the questions were just not appropriate to adoption but I would just text “skip” so they don’t appear in the book at all.
I also wrote things in like his birth story, the very basic/happy parts. For me, I focused that on just the happy things that he might one day casually share like I’ve done with my own baby book.
The tougher/more personal stuff is in a separate google document. For my son that is some of his adoption info and also medical things that I want him to know but not have to look at if he wants the fun/cutesy type thing most other kids have.
My son’s godmother takes a whole different approach and makes a calendar with firsts listed plus photos or a small paragraph about the big events for that month. I’m not organized enough for that - she’s great at scrapbooking.
I did Qeepsake where they send you questions over text and you answer them with words and photos. You can also add stuff you want to include without a prompt. Periodically you have the texts and pictures bound into a book.
Many of the questions are about development and firsts, so traditional, probably similar to your other kids books.
Some of the questions were just not appropriate to adoption but I would just text “skip” so they don’t appear in the book at all.
I also wrote things in like his birth story, the very basic/happy parts. For me, I focused that on just the happy things that he might one day casually share like I’ve done with my own baby book.
The tougher/more personal stuff is in a separate google document. For my son that is some of his adoption info and also medical things that I want him to know but not have to look at if he wants the fun/cutesy type thing most other kids have.
My son’s godmother takes a whole different approach and makes a calendar with firsts listed plus photos or a small paragraph about the big events for that month. I’m not organized enough for that - she’s great at scrapbooking.
johnmark99
New member
@bruin Blueberry and Co baby books are fairly generic, they also have a rainbow addition that doesn’t gender either parent.
Having filled out this book myself there’s only a few pages you’d adapt or skip in your situation depending on what you knew. You could also cover over the bits you didn’t want with photos.
Having filled out this book myself there’s only a few pages you’d adapt or skip in your situation depending on what you knew. You could also cover over the bits you didn’t want with photos.
blessforever
New member
scottdaniel
New member
@bruin I’ve used the short years and you could skip the chapters on “expecting” or you could include pictures of his birth mama. I bet they could make a few custom chapter pages for you too. You’re an incredible friend by the way and I think it’s beautiful you want him to have a baby book I hope you find something that looks right to you!!
I hope you find something that looks right to you!!@bruin Look in to Queepsake. They have an app where you can upload pictures and note the milestones as they happen. You’re the one writing the captions/details, so it can be worded however you’d like for both moms. They’ll also text you questions however often you set it to so that you’re prompted to note a memory. That feature was great for me so I wouldn’t forget to actually use it. Then when you’re ready, you just go to create book and it’ll autofill with everything you’ve saved or you can edit and customize the layout as much as you want.
pastorayorinde
New member
@bruin I'm an adoptive parent and I used a baby book from Lucy Darling. I found that it was very difficult to find adoption-type stuff because the range of scenarios are so different--domestic infant, foster care, international adoption, kinship adoption--that they rarely fit your needs perfectly. For each month there is a place for a photo and a few sentences "What you liked" "What you could do" "What you didn't like". There are also some pages for a family tree, but it is very open ended so there was a place for "birth mom" in addition to mom and dad. If you have access to photos of him with his first mom, then you could include those for the months that she was alive. If those are details that your don't know, maybe a nice photo book would be a better fit. We got my son a beautiful photo board book from artifact uprising with photos of all his family members (birth and adoptive) and he has loved it to pieces.
It sounds like you are trying very hard to be there for this baby while also grieving the loss of your friend. I will say that, while it is important to respect and celebrate his first mother, he is going to need you to be his full mom. As heartbreaking as it is, you are the mother that he will remember, and eventually he will notice if you are holding back in memory of his first mom. My adopted son is four and he is going through these feelings right now. It's tough and it's heartbreaking. We have an open adoption, but the idea of having a birth mom and adoptive mom isn't comforting to him at the moment, it's scary and unsettling. He is frightened about what that means for his stability, and his place in the family.
This is something that every adoptive family has to work through over and over at different stages of their child's life. How do you foster attachment, respect their first family, and help them through the feelings of grief and uncertainty and reassure them that they will always be loved and cared for? Please make sure you are taking care of yourself and your mental health so that you are ready to help him with these feelings when they come up for him.
It sounds like you are trying very hard to be there for this baby while also grieving the loss of your friend. I will say that, while it is important to respect and celebrate his first mother, he is going to need you to be his full mom. As heartbreaking as it is, you are the mother that he will remember, and eventually he will notice if you are holding back in memory of his first mom. My adopted son is four and he is going through these feelings right now. It's tough and it's heartbreaking. We have an open adoption, but the idea of having a birth mom and adoptive mom isn't comforting to him at the moment, it's scary and unsettling. He is frightened about what that means for his stability, and his place in the family.
This is something that every adoptive family has to work through over and over at different stages of their child's life. How do you foster attachment, respect their first family, and help them through the feelings of grief and uncertainty and reassure them that they will always be loved and cared for? Please make sure you are taking care of yourself and your mental health so that you are ready to help him with these feelings when they come up for him.
@bruin We have Lucy Darling baby books. Each month has a space for things you loved, things you don't like, you can, and a big square for the picture of the month.
If I remember correctly, there's only one page dedicated to "mom" and it's just a spot that says, "this is when I was pregnant with you! But it could easily be covered OR ripped out without bring noticeable. It's all wire bound so taking a page out isn't noticeable.
If I remember correctly, there's only one page dedicated to "mom" and it's just a spot that says, "this is when I was pregnant with you! But it could easily be covered OR ripped out without bring noticeable. It's all wire bound so taking a page out isn't noticeable.