1 year and a half in - sleep is impossible

[lyzza631]

@alex4u

I get that, but eventually doesn't that have to happen either way?

Eventually what has to happen either way?

 

[alex4u]

@lyzza631 Sleep training/learning how to go to bed/kids learning to self soothe.

Eventually every child has to figure it out in some capacity.

My cousin didn't sleep train and had to spend 6 months getting their 3 year old to stop coming into their bedroom and sleeping with them. Obviously that's the extreme end but if given the choice, I don't know many young children that would purposely choose to sleep away from mom/dad.

 

[truthalwaystold]

@lyzza631 Spoken like somebody who hasn’t been sleep deprived to this extent.

OP let the kid cry!!!! Just do it and they will sleep. Trust me they won’t be in therapy because you let them sleep lol you’ll be in therapy forever if you don’t.

 

[lyzza631]

@truthalwaystold You won't be sleep deprived if you just wake up and breast feed the baby. I didn't say they would be in therapy. I just said it's mean.

 

[fassy]

@lyzza631 Sometimes my kid is crying while I'm making dinner, and if I give him the attention he wants then dinner won't get made and he won't eat, nor will I. It's the same thing. Children need to sleep and so do parents.

 

[lyzza631]

@fassy I agree children need to sleep. I don't agree that the best way to put them back to sleep is by letting them cry. They are crying for a reason. They need mommy or daddy. I would not want them to think we are ignoring them, that is mean. We either console them or give them milk and they go back to sleep.

 

[loadedcafe]

@lyzza631 Kids are not going to think mommy and daddy don’t care about them when you sleep train. People have been sleep training for a long time and no parent who has sleep trained will ever say their kids don’t love them as much or feel less secure or anything else you are worried about. It’s about creating sustainable habits for your kids at a young age and helping them learn to soothe themselves. Obviously if your kid is sick then you need to go in but if they are crying at night just bc they want you then rushing in is only reinforcing that behavior. Cry it out isn’t the only sleep training method either. We used a somewhat modified Ferber method and within 3 days both of our kids were sleeping through the night by 10 months. My oldest is 6 now and is very secure and not upset that we let him cry for periods of time when he was younger

 

[lyzza631]

@loadedcafe You don't think that baby cares whether or not you console them when they are crying?

Or are you saying they do care but won't care when they are older so the improved sleep for me is worth the babies pain since they won't remember it when they are older?

 

[fassy]

@lyzza631

Or are you saying they do care but won't care when they are older so the improved sleep for me is worth the babies pain since they won't remember it when they are older?

I'm saying the baby does care but he needs to learn to self soothe back to sleep because that is good for him. Just like when I need to get dinner ready so he can eat.

 

[lyzza631]

@fassy I definitely don’t think it’s good for a baby to cry and be ignored. They slowly learn how to put themselves back to sleep without crying naturally with age and as their brain evolves. My 3 year old and 5 year old sleep just fine. It’s not like they won’t learn how to sleep if you don’t ignore them.

 

[loadedcafe]

@lyzza631 A younger child would obviously rather have mommy or daddy snuggling them all night in their arms. Is this necessary or helpful to them or you? No. If you gradually sleep train them so they learn to sleep themselves in their own crib is that doing any lasting damage at all if it requires them to be upset about it for short periods of time? No.

I don’t understand this “pain” you are talking about. After a certain age (usually 6 months or so) babies crying at night are rarely in pain. They just want the comfort of mom and dad. But if you don’t teach them that they can sleep by themselves and soothe back down if they wake up then how is that helpful to them or you? It’s just making both of your lives miserable. Sure, eventually all kids get old enough to figure it out but I have no clue why you would want to wait several years when you can expedite that process with no damage within a few days of sleep training

 

[lyzza631]

@loadedcafe The pain I’m referring to is the literal crying the baby has to do because you don’t console them.

 

[fassy]

@lyzza631 Sometimes they don't need mom or dad, sometimes they need to find their lovey that they threw to the other side of their crib and snuggle with that for 5 minutes while crying and fall back asleep.

 

[lyzza631]

@fassy Ok so wait a tiny bit to see if they find their lovey and if they don’t then console them. That’s not what people are doing tho. They are letting them cry even if they lovey isn’t found or doesn’t work.

 

[katrina2017]

@lyzza631 I don’t think sleep training means having to ignore your kid crying indefinitely or sleep training parents are cruel either. We would give ours a chance to self soothe, if it didn’t work in a few minutes we’d go in and comfort her. Ours generally slept through the night since 6 months old with the occasional setback of course.

Some adults can cope better or worse with lack of sleep. I’m a better dad and provider if I don’t get woken up repeatedly through the night. 6 months of multiple wake ups each night was tanking my mental health and going to put my career in jeopardy due to my performance suffering. Sometimes temporary sleep training is still a net positive for families but I realize this is a highly sensitive topic.

 

[lyzza631]

@katrina2017 I wouldn't say waiting 3 minutes of crying is "sleep training". I'd so most people are waiting much longer than that.

 

[unhappy_bunny]

@loadedcafe Largely I agree with you but it’s not always as simple as that. We have two kids, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. We sleep trained both the same way. We had the same routines for both. Neither get screen time (they do now on the weekend for 1hr during the day) but nothing else all week. They both had consistent bedtimes and routines of bath 6:45, stories in bed until 7:15 or so and bed by 7:30. I would take one and my wife the other if needed.

From about 3-4 months my eldest was sleeping through the night. He wakes the odd time with night terrors etc but by and large he’s a great sleeper.

My youngest took until about 18 months before she was even close to sleeping through the night. She would wake constantly, sometimes every half hour for the whole night. There was no logic to it at all. It never seemed to matter what happened during the day, overtired, under tired, hungry, full etc etc. eventually through sheer perseverance we got her there.

I guess my point is I too was one of those who was bewildered when I saw these stories after my first but it’s not always as simple as oh those parents are just doing it wrong or have no patience.

 

[hearmelody]

@loadedcafe I don't think people realize that their kids are ALSO suffering sleep torture when not sleeping well! They need to learn how to put themselves to sleep and truly EVERYONE will be better for it. Did it with our at 7 months and she sleeps 12 hours like a rock every night.

 

[loadedcafe]

@hearmelody Yep. Countless people are actually hurting their kids by not doing some type of sleep training. I have no idea why people think they are doing permanent damage to kids that young by letting them cry at night. I’ve never met a single parent who did sleep training that regrets it. It does not breed insecure or “damaged” kids either. Quite the opposite usually!

 

[bubblegumjoy]

@bondo When your kid is up are they crying. Do you go in and pick them up or sleep with them? Do they have a consistent in bed at certain time schedule? Tried a sound machine?