1 year and a half in - sleep is impossible

[shelb]

@bondo Did you let your kid cry it out? Because that works with tons of kids.

 

[jamesgwal]

@bondo Little one was up for 3 hours in the night last night. Happens regularly. I feel your pain!

 

[drew2010]

@bondo To put it simply mate, other parents don't cope, they just poker face it and lie or they are having an easier time with their kid(s) and that isn't a reflection of your parenting. I'm sure you've heard it plenty of times but every kid is different and you my friend, have it rough. My kid had really bad colic when he was little so I understand how it turns your life upside down. Eventually it will get easier and your hobbies and health will return. It goes to show how much your body goes downhill without sleep. Keep up the good work friend.

 

[shumeeah]

@bondo Just to reassure you - you don't see 20 year olds that need mummy and daddy hanging out in the bedroom with them to sleep - yes, it's painful to start with, but perseverance and letting it be, gets there eventually.

 

[vmpenny1]

@bondo Try some gas meds before bed, if you haven't already. Did wonders for us for our first.

 

[gadesa]

@bondo Dad here, try this, it's the equivalent of reading a bed time study to your older kids to put them to sleep, their brain associates certain events such as getting tucked in bed, low lighting and you reading the story in a soothing voice with sleep so they fall asleep fast, but it takes time for the brain to make that association, try setting certain events for the baby like getting them changed for bed, giving them milk, placing them in their bed and dimming the lights, it will take time and patience but it will work with time, to make it easier in the early phase try getting her exhausted before bed by playing with her so the spends a lot of energy and actually want to sleep.

With time you can repeat that routine every day which will trigger the"time to sleep" switch in her head.

 

[dfc302]

@bondo There WILL come a day where she will sleep through the night. I’ve got not advice other than to stay strong.

 

[michaelbluffs]

@bondo Hey Man. We all feel you, we absolutely all had the ups and downs. I got a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old. I never had the terrible sleep like you, luck of the draw I guess. We did do a lot of what some would consider sleep training, but as many dad's will tell you, it doesn't work on every kid.

I feel you about dad bod, I was a fit lad now I'm a disgrace. I changed my mind set from looking good, to keeping fit. That helped. Instead of beating myself up for not going "all in" with diet and excercise. I give myself a pat on the back for going on a 6 miler once a week.

I get 2 hours on the ps5 a week with my bros. These are the little things that get me through it, it is a grind, there is not doubt about it.

The pay off isn't now, it's years from now. And I hope there is no greater prize than watching your daughter grown up and find happiness. At least I hope so!

Work in little rewards for yourself, work with your partner to get hers too.

 

[thejonesboysofnc]

@bondo Ferber method works if you haven’t tried it OP. We were prepared to sacrifice a whole weekend applying it to our kids but were astounded when it took like 15 mins. Worked amazingly for both of my kids. Went from 2 hour sleep cycles, using soothers, rocking chairs, holding them till they fell asleep then trying to transfer them to the crib, etc. to them sleeping 10-12 hours a night like fricking magic. Turns out my kids (aside from having reflux/colic) had developed a plethora of sleep associations that were actually preventing them from having a long restful sleep. Once they learned how to self soothe through sleep training, they never looked back and our whole family is better for it. People that think sleep training is a form of abuse either don’t understand it or have their heads shoved completely up their asses. IMHO.

 

[thoricis]

@bondo My toddler is a similar poor sleeper. He ended up forcing us to start co sleeping at about 16 months old. Year later he’s still sleeping with us and is starting to sleep through the night from 9-7am without a midnight milk.

 

[myfindings]

@bondo I have twins. I barely have any memory of their first 2 and a half years, I was so tired and in a constant fugue state.

For us, four was the age where it got sooooo much easier.

 

[abrother]

@bondo My son turns 3 in just a couple months and still wakes up nightly. Every single night he wakes up. We had to remove the light bulbs from the ceiling because he’ll wake up at 2:30 AM, turn on his lights, and ask to read books or go to the living room. Wife and I are just chronically sleep deprived.

 

[genxer]

@bondo Kids vary so wildly in their ability to sleep. I have had 3 kids. One was ab absolutely terrible sleeper until he was like 3.5 years old. His younger brother has always been a fantastic sleeper. Goes down in minutes and sleeps 12 hours solid. And the 3rd one is somewhere in the middle.

Hang in there it will get better. And don't let this put you off having another kid. They aren't all like this.

 

[xxashl3yxx]

@bondo Some advice with the exercising. If you have the time, try to take them for a long walk around the park/neighborhood everyday. It will be good exercise for you and also the increased stimuli of being outside could help tire them out a bit. My wife and I started doing this and found the baby sleeps a lot better on the days we’re able to get out and walk for an hour. Also if you can swing it, picking up some adjustable dumbbells has been a game changer. If I find 10 minutes I’ll grab them and get in a quick set. Nothing like the gym but it’s something. Also just accepting that well rested isn’t a thing anymore. So I just fight through my workouts feeling like a zombie. And, I can’t stress this enough, meal prep. If you eat correctly you can stay somewhat fit looking even living a sedentary Dad life.

There’s plenty of other good advice on here. I just want to add that taking an inventory of your time and resetting expectations is crucial. Your you time is cut by 75% at least. Something has to give. For me it was video games. Letting go of the expectation that I’ll have time to play at some point reduced my frustration. I just cut it out completely so it’s no longer an option. So now I’m not waiting for an opportunity to play and getting frustrated when I don’t get to. I honestly haven’t missed it at all. But something has got to give be it reading, working out, gaming, or friends and that’s just a part of being a parent.

 

[mrrawes2833]

@bondo What is the child's day like if we may ask? What and at what time does the child eats or drinks close to the sleeping time? At what time is bed time?

 

[caritasium]

@bondo The only thing I can recommend if you haven’t tried it yet would be to read “Solve your child’s sleep problem” by Ferber. It gave me some invaluable insight and understanding into child sleep that helped me realize how I was perpetuating the problem. Not that you are causing this just in my case I was but never realized it.

Maybe the sleep therapist gave you all the same info but for like 10 dollars it seems like a low bar to find out. There was info in the book and context that I haven’t found anywhere else on the internet.

 

[anaffiliate]

@bondo You're going to have to hardcore sleep train. Meaning, literally, put her in the crib and let her scream. If you want, you can do check-ins ever 10-15 mins.

We had to do the same thing with our oldest. First night he screamed for 3 hours. Straight.

Second night he screamed for 45 minutes.

Third night he fell asleep immediately. My wife and I stated laughing deliriously and drank an entire bottle of wine.

 

[reiting]

@bondo I'm waiting until my wife is mentally ready to move our daughter into her own room, until that happens we're stuck with crappy sleep.

I average 4-5 hours of sleep per night and it has been like this for a year now.

 

[godschild822]

@bondo I follow the sleep rules and I don't. It just depends.

We turn off all the tvs at 7, read at 8, they(4,6) have to be in bed by 9.
We used to have a big problem with the oldest he would stay in his bed but still be awake for 2 hours, but once we changed the start of calm down time it helped and him getting older helped. He is naturally anxious which makes it worse. So that is my primary response, yes it does get better.

Now I don't follow the rules in such that if they wake up in the middle of the night we co sleep or they just jump into our bed while we are asleep.
If I am exhausted and can't do it anymore weather 5am or 9pm. I have literally made their room as safe as possible then power napped infront of the door. It was the safest thing I could do for the both of us.

 

[joskenya]

@bondo Both of my child had this épisode. Closed room, a parent semi-sleeping on floor bed while child mind his own business. Eventually, they'll come sleeping with you.

Ah and one of them needed some solid food at 4am. A fruit purée half sleeping and he fell asleep as soon as finished. Or WE could not five him and go for 2 jours of rolling in the bedrooms..