1 year and a half in - sleep is impossible

[dayspringadelusi]

@abandonedmemory I can’t recall if cry it out was part of this, but we used the Ferber method. It’s a gradual approach to cry it out. You let them cry for 5mins, then go in and calm them. Then let them cry for 10mins, go in and calm them. Then 15mins, then 20mins, etc until they go to sleep.

 

[wina22]

@bondo I’m in the shit with you buddy. I hope we survive

 

[crochetcrazy1954]

@wina22 One day, you will be on here reading a similar post, smile and go "ah the good old days."

For me, my son just stopped waking up looking for me in the middle of the night about 2 months ago. You and OP will make it. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Keep being awesome!

 

[billbillbillbillbill]

@bondo Had this issue coming on to his 1 year checkup. Doctor told us it wasn't sustainable and we need to let him cry it out.

After 4 days- sleeps 7 to 6:30. It was hard. But so fuckin worth it

 

[ilkao223]

@billbillbillbillbill When our first was 10-12 weeks old he had his first overnight sleep. The reason for success? I accidentally left the monitor on mute. We could see on the monitor's history he was up and whining for about 45 minutes but went back to sleep. That started him sleeping through the night regularly.

I didn't tell my wife the "mistake" for a few months lmao.

 

[dfc302]

@billbillbillbillbill At some point, not doing what it takes to get them to sleep is actually meaner and more selfish than letting them cry.

 

[lulusinclair]

@dfc302 Jesus Christ, this is so spot on. I’m saving this for all the parents who judge cry it out, saying it’s cruel.

 

[abandonedmemory]

@dfc302 Is this from Taking Cara Babies ?

 

[dfc302]

@abandonedmemory I don’t get it from anywhere, but I’d be surprised if I was the first one ever to express this sentiment

 

[abandonedmemory]

@dfc302 I would also be surprised. Was just checking, since me and my wife don't really support this method, but are looking into the sleep training

 

[dfc302]

@abandonedmemory Well, I think leaving a baby crying all night is something else, but we’ve put the baby and later the kid to bed awake pretty much from the start and don’t come back for the first 15 minutes. We also have two kids that slept through the night from about the fourth month or so.

 

[interestingusername]

@billbillbillbillbill Similar for us. We tried all the gentle sleep training methods but cry it out was what worked for us. Had some hiccups and had to restart post-tube surgery, but a few nights of tears saved us in the long run. Ours is 19mo at this point, and we will still have rough nights, especially if he has a cold, but more often than not he’s sleeping 730-5/6ish.

 

[katrina2017]

@bondo We have one child, tried the ferber method and within two nights our sleep went from tag teaming hourly wake ups to at least 6 hours sleep. Rarely more than 8 but consistently 6. That was a god send. If you are reacting to the baby every time they wake up they may not have learned to settle themselves and hence are still not sleeping through the night. Have a look into a ferber schedule.

In terms of getting life back; once your sleep improves so will everything else. Consoder taking the child on walks for some low intensity exercise while watching them: that could get you fitter occupy the child, potentially get them to nap AND give the other half an hour off parenting at least.

 

[laodicean60]

@bondo I almost didn’t post a reply, because i don’t want to alarm you. However, perhaps you’ll get comfort from knowing you’re not alone and not a bad dad for thinking what you’re thinking.

7 years. That’s how long I went without even adequate sleep. From the day my 1st child was born until our second was about 5 years old I did not get a full night’s sleep. Not even once. Our oldest would get up once per night on average, but our youngest would get up 4-6 times per night and require one of us to sit with him for 10-15min each time to get him back to sleep.

We tried EVERYTHING and took advice and suggestions from everyone that would listen to us. Nothing worked. Eventually our youngest was old enough to understand that we needed sleep too and would be ok with just getting tucked in.

He still gets up 1-2 times per night, but only needs to be tucked in every other night or so.

It wrecked my mental and physical health. Sleep deprivation over a 7 year period does incredibly bad things to you that I’ll be dealing with for the rest of my life. It also made my professional life hell. I’ve never had to try so hard just to be “adequate”. I passed on 2 promotions during that period, because I knew I didn’t have the mental health to handle the new challenges.

 

[carra]

@laodicean60 There's something else going on if sleep is evading hour kids still.

Really dial in your nighttime routines. No screen time, clear wind down rituals like "we're going to read 1-3 books before bed!"

Otherwise, and you'd be the only ones to really know this, perhaps there's developmental delays that need to be assessed. It's tough to consider but that can help a lot of things slide into place for the better.

Sorry to hear that work took big hits and your career got derailed a bit. Hoping things start looking up and you get some control back!

 

[laodicean60]

@carra Our youngest has ASD, which is a contributing factor. The doctors think when his circadian rhythm comes around every 2hr, he wasn’t naturally putting himself back to sleep, instead he’d freak out, run out of his room and turn on the light in his playroom. He’s slowly growing out of it. Melatonin helped a little. There’s a long list of other things we’ve tried, but it’s mostly come down to melatonin + reading for 20min before bed + growing out of it.

 

[seosmooze]

@laodicean60 So you don't cosleep? because I've watched my daughter. She'll wake up, look around, and if she sees a parent she goes right back to sleep. But if she's alone she will pop up and hunt us down.

 

[carra]

@seosmooze Cosleeping is such a mixed bag, doubt it'd work for this guy's kid.

I've only ever heard horror stories from the people I know who've tried it. Hyper clingy kids as they're older, behavioral issues, nuked sex life for the parents, etc.

If it's working for you, I guess that's good?

 

[katrina2017]

@carra It really is. I feel like almost every time a parent writes about a small child that won’t sleep it turns out they are cosleeping and extended breastfeeding and I’m thinking “Well, that’s your problem right there.” You’ve trained your kid to sleep next to you and get a boob on demand.

 

[carra]

@katrina2017 Almost always this.