What would you have done?

[ajewelinhiscrown]

Today we were at a playground. When we left for the short walk down the street to where the car was parked, my 5 y/o was in a state and obsessed with the fact that cars aren’t the only ones allowed on the street, even though I reiterated more than once that we needed to walk on the sidewalk.

I was carrying my 3 y/o and when we got to the one street we had to cross, my 5 y/o decided to try and bolt and run across the street, even though cars were there. As I saw one car preemptively stopping and realized my 5 y/o wasn’t relenting, I grabbed her to prevent her from running across the street where other cars were also approaching and may not have preemptively stopped for us.

As she threw a fit, I essentially dragged her across the street safely while carrying my 3 y/o and over to our parked car. I saw no other way to ensure she safely got across the street since she was in this totally irrational state and I feared for her safety. I momentarily got upset and told her how incredibly dangerous that was. I felt bad I got upset, but I saw no other way. She wasn’t at all receptive to it being any sort of teachable moment.

What would you have done?

 

[thequincunx5]

@ajewelinhiscrown Ok so I know most people do not agree with this but I'm going to say it lol please dont down vote me! My older sister have two teenage girls that will soon be graduating from high school and be in the adult world they are very mature and very well behaved girls and this was her advice to me because I have little ones that are still learning. She said she has always been against spanking her girls but when they ever did something that put their life or others lives in danger that was the one and only time she would spank them. I honestly don't think she has ever had to spank them more then once and that was enough for them to learn not to bolt across a road again. I'm telling you my two nieces are some of the sweetest, matur, happy and very intelligent teens I've ever been around. They go to their mother for every they talk to her about everything going on in their life the relationship they have with her is exactly what I want with my boys when they are teens.....One of her girls is graduating HS with her associate degree this year, I'm super proud!

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@thequincunx5 Wow. Thank you for this. Sounds like the strong relationship I have with my own mother and get this - when I was little, the one and only time my mom ever spanked me was when I bolted and ran across the road. I didn’t ever do that again.

 

[spacct2]

@ajewelinhiscrown The same thing even if there hadn’t been cars coming, plus a lot of colorful language. That truly is dangerous. I’m sure no one was judging you for dragging her, and I hope she doesn’t do that again.

 

[jennifert31]

@ajewelinhiscrown “If I have to choose between keeping you safe and keeping you happy, I’m always going to choose keeping you safe. Because if I ain’t keeping you safe, I’m taking away your chance of ever being happy again.”

(Forgot who said it, but I think of it every time I hear a child complaining about an adult keeping them safe).

 

[silent_observer]

@ajewelinhiscrown My son was HORRIBLE near streets! Didn’t matter the consequences, what training we did beforehand, etc. Keeping him safe while his sister was with me too was so difficult! (They are only 13 months apart). I used a leash. I know people frown at them, but it was a harness that was safe, didn’t restrict his movement/walking, but I was able to stop him before he could get too far away and possibly killed! Also gave me peace of mind in crowded areas, there’s only one of me and too many creeps out there!

 

[celiag]

@silent_observer I used to frown at kid leashes. This was before I had a kid.

 

[romansthruphilemon]

@ajewelinhiscrown Twin mom and I used the wrist leashes for exactly that reason because it beats the split second decision of which to knock down to buy you the second to grab the other one plus you never know when someone won't pay attention and drive onto the sidewalk.

 

[seothanhtung]

@ajewelinhiscrown When my children were this young, we would practice the "freeze" game whenever we were out and about. I would use my loud parent voice and say "FREEZE." and they would, and we would laugh. It was a game.

When it really mattered, I could use the trigger word, combined with my BIG ADULT VOICE to trigger the kids to stop whatever they were doing. I probably saved my eldest's life one day when she was tired and took off running around our car and into the street.

It's worthwhile to practice how to behave when the stakes are low so that when the stakes are high, it's a habit rather than conscious thought that keeps kids safe. Probably a good parenting tip regardless of the age or situation.

 

[heartofsilver777]

@ajewelinhiscrown i have a wrist leash we all wear i got on amazon

 

[kaykay8]

@ajewelinhiscrown Safety trumps anything.

I have the hierarchy of demands, safety is at the top, followed by needs, then by wants.

I tell my kids this as well. It’s how I triage. I would have done nothing differently in your situation

 

[chrisgr07]

@kaykay8 Love this!

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@kaykay8 Thank you. Good hierarchy to remember!

 

[warriordocjensen]

@ajewelinhiscrown I’d have done the same thing. Safety comes before anything. I try really hard to not yell at my kids but sometimes that is necessary to get through to them in an emergency. As long as you have a calm conversation once everyone is calm, I wouldn’t stress about it at all

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@warriordocjensen Thank you.

 

[kelly33]

@ajewelinhiscrown I would have done the same.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@kelly33 Thank you.

 

[peninnah]

@ajewelinhiscrown I think you did ok. Sometimes you have to remove them from the situation and then work on the teaching moment later.

I did see in a previous comment that you asked your daughter if she was stupid. I know you didn’t mean it like that, but please be careful how you address that. She’s a little kid who made a bad decision. She was impulsive and didn’t think. But she’s not stupid. She just made a foolish decision.

We talk to ours all the time about wise vs foolish decisions. Stupid decisions are rephrased as foolish because of the lack of thought for consequences. I tell mine all the time, they are not defined BY their mistakes, but they character is measured by HOW THEY HANDLE the mistakes. It’s ok that she had a momentarily foolish decision, now is the time to teach her how to make the right decision.

You could also make her y’all safety person, for future trips. She can be the leader telling all of y’all when it’s safe to cross the street. Mine loved being in charge like that.

Good luck! You did so well.

Edited to fix typos. Sorry if I missed any.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@peninnah Thank you. I shouldn’t have asked her if she was stupid and I immediately regretted it and apologized to her. I was so stressed with her trying to run into the street. Wise vs. foolish decisions is a great way to phrase it. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

[medialab]

@ajewelinhiscrown Sometimes they have to feel fear, it's part of being human. It's the right tool for the situation, IMHO. Possible negative side effects could include nightmares, but it's better than losing a child.