For me, it’s having to entertain my child 24/7. She’s 4 so she’s only in preschool 4 hours a day, 3 days a week, and this week she’s been on spring break so it’s just been me and her all day, everyday. I only work on the weekends and her dad works during the week so I’ve always been at home with her. For the most part it’s been a wonderful experience and I know I’ll miss her when she’s gone at kindergarten all day this fall but dear god I’m tired of being her only playmate. I know having another child would not fix this and I don’t plan to have another, as I’m one and done by choice but a part of me really feels like having one is harder than having multiples because at lease then they can entertain each other. Idk, I’m just drained. Please tell me I’m not alone
@jolene250 Yes absolutely, I try to nail down play dates and it’s just so hard with everyone’s schedules. I’m hoping it gets better this summer when the pools are open.
@mercuryash Just take her to the park where other kids are. My kid will either just run around himself or find other kids to play with every time. Sure, he requires my attention and wants me involved in hiding games, but that's very doable when at the park with other kids to keep him going.
If she's shy, you can help her feel more comfortable engaging with other kids slowly and with practice.
@mercuryash If she's on summer break, all her friends are too. And 4 is an easier age to say something like, "Hey, why doesn't X spend the morning with us, and then we do a switcheroo after lunch?" or if you have a rapport with any of her friends' parents, a good reason to double up. They'll play together, you two enjoy a tea and do some crocheting, reading, etc.
@samalematina The cheapest way is to go to toddler events at your local library, but we also do different classes and found a local Facebook group for parents. Our kid’s best friend we met by ̶s̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ walking by houses that had kids’ toys out front.
@samalematina If your kid hits it off with another one, people tend to be pretty receptive to "we should get them together to play" (at least around me). It's not just at random so much as "look, the kids are having a good time. Let's try again"
@samalematina As @iwonder777 mentioned, it’s not random. Even then, I’ll be honest, the success rate isn’t great! There are a million little reasons you might not be able to set up a play date with a given person. But it only needs to work a few times to find friends.
Agreed. If you can get a core group together, it does a lot for opening up playdates (and, even better, you can start integrating into bigger friend groups, like one of my now good friends introduced me to another friend and I introduced her to a few other moms with kids the same age. It's a domino sort of thing)
@samalematina Word of caution about Peanut: stay off the discussion boards. They're nuts. I did meet a couple of families I liked, but it's essentially Tinder for mom friends and it feels exactly like a dating app.
@juniorcanada I’ve never had tinder but I’ve heard about it, I know you swipe to match or dismiss people. It definitely feels kinda odd lol I just signed up. Where’s the discussion boards? Are they automatically on “my feed?”
@samalematina For my 3 y.o. he's in daycare 5 days a week. He's had the same group of friends since he started at 1.5 y.o., and I've gotten to known a couple of the moms outside of the daycare (I'm an older mom in my mid 30s, and I find it easier to click w the other older moms). We try to plan playmates for the following weekend, so there's time to figure something out or see how the kids feel by then.
I also started in a city funded newborn/mommy group when he was a couple months old and have stayed in touch with those women too. See if there are similar programs where you are. In my city, it's usually based in existing elementary schools and small rec centers.
Also if your kid matches up with a kid at the park and the kid plays nicely / is respectful of your child and vice versa from your child, there is no shame in reaching out to the parents. Most people out there are actively open to their child making friends because play dates = burning energy lol
@balimanp Do you ask for their phone number or just offer yours? If you offer yours how often do they reach other?
I’ve had two people that I exchanged numbers with and then I messaged them like a week later and absolutely no response. Found another one and our girls got along great! And she was super easy to talk to then I found she and her husband were white supremacists so that one ended lol. Two other ones moved away, one two hours away, one back to Saudi. And we only did playdates with them for about a month before they moved.
So we just haven’t had a ton of luck lol. I’m a SAHM with one 4 year old. She starts school in august.
@samalematina Woah that was a rollercoaster ride! I'm sorry you have had such bad luck. In my experience, we both exchange numbers simultaneously and then I'll just send a "HI there this is ABC mom of XYZ!" and see if there's any responses. And certainly this has gone nowhere a few times. But it's also lead to a couple connections. Do you have a dog? I find out with both my pooch and son locates fellow toddler-and-dog-wrangling families and we tend to click over that (tire out our dogs AND toddlers? Uh yes please!). I recently rejoined the app Peanut and have already made a couple connections - no play dates yet, but I haven't had any real push. It's nice to just chat with moms who have kids at the same age. Anyway, long ramble, I hope you get a chance to develop parent relationships! Also your daughter is about to begin school and will QUICKLY make friends there. Start connecting with the parents there, especially of the kids she talks most about. Get a feel if the kids are coming from good people, etc. and propose after school play dates if you get a good feeling from them.
@balimanp Yes we’ve got two small dogs! That’s a good idea. I recently downloaded peanut as all, like a day or two ago because someone else recommended it to me. I’ve got a few matches so far, but it seems to be people who live like an hour away. Really hoping to get a match with a kid my kid’s age.
Also let’s say the kid/parents do come from a rougher background. Do you still get together with them or no? Like in a public park and not at the other person’s home or just not at all?
