Pregnant with twins and devastated

@coolguy123 First of all don’t feel guilty. I am pregnant with twins 14 weeks now and I never wanted two children. I wanted one to die, to eliminate or the vanishing twin syndrome. My panic and anxiety are real, and still are. It doesn’t matter which choice you will make, either one of them is a good one. So now I don’t know how it will be later in this pregnancy not for you and not for me. All I know right now is that the “idea of twins” is settling a little bit day by day and right now I want both of them, even though I am scared shitless. The heavy anxiety and panic is more on the background and I talked with everyone who wanted to hear my feelings and (sometimes maybe a little toxic) thoughts. Know that the worst feelings will also pass and that you can make a choice.
 
@coolguy123 I spent my entire pregnancy panicking and stressed about how life with twins would be possible, how wrecked my body was gonna be, how we were going to manage 4 kids (we had a 5 year old and a 1 year old. Anyone that would tell me “oh I have twins!” I would genuinely ask if I was going to make it through this.
The babies turned a year in January. I did, in fact, survive lol. Every twin mom told me that most important was keeping them on the same schedule and that has been true. It ends up feeling more like 1.5 babies rather than a full 2 because they did everything at the same time. Eat, go down for nap, diaper changes, baths, getting dressed. We ended up gating off every opening to our living room and essentially made it a giant childproof playpen. That helped. I was able to do non-baby things while they had freedom to roam.
My body wasn’t as wrecked as I feared, but a year postpartum and I still hate it. I figure it will get better with time, I keep telling myself that anyway. I had quit working just a few months before getting pregnant with them so I could stay home with my older 2. I am confident I would’ve had to quit anyway once they were born. I don’t know how we would do it otherwise. Unless you have a lot of family help willing to watch your kids during the day, or the money to pay for that many kids in daycare. It just worked out cheaper for me to quit working.
I will say, people love to help twins. I mean, people in general are pretty helpful but it’s different now. They see me carrying two babies and immediately rush to help, always, even people I don’t know very well. And I guess my threshold of accepting help has changed because typically, I mean yeah I could use your extra hands lol.
Also, kids resale shops are my life. The one by me gives you extra money if you accept in-store credit, and I bring in so much stuff since there’s 2 of them. I use the credit to buy essentials. And the way I dress my kids has changed…I used to have allll the outfits for my older two, but now there just isn’t time. The babies are typically in white onesies with pants added if it’s cold. I just don’t have the bandwidth to coordinate outfits, or even care at this point. They’re dressed, and we can move on. You just find ways to make it easier, just out of necessity because there’s 2. I feel like I have learned so many quick tricks with the twins that I never discovered with the older 2 kids.
You’ve got this! Don’t get down on yourself for hating this, you are not alone! Life will find a way, it just may not be what you’d planned or hoped. And that super sucks, but there will be fun and good things that come out of that, too. Solidarity my friend! 💪🏼
 
@coolguy123 Oh man… I am flying to an appointment, but I got a notification about this and would love to speak to all of your points. My oldest is eight my youngest is nine months. Total of seven I had two sets of twins back to back 21 months apart. we were terrified at first… Both of us. The blessings will out way the hardships. I can't speak to you medically but pretty much all the other stuff you WILL BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT OUT. Daycare sucks but a lot of times you'll get a discount and also could consider a nanny… You usually can save there. Even if it's part time and then you look for a highschooler after school… That's really thinking far ahead, and your life may be completely different by then anyway. One step at a time. Breathe. Those tiny miracles were meant for you! I truly believe that. You won't need double everything. Double car seats. Yes, double swings no. Stuff like that.… I have to run into my appointment now and could talk so much more about this, so let me know if you have any specific questions that haven't been answered already.
 
@coolguy123 My daughter was almost 3 when I found out I was having twins, and was 3.6 when I finally had them. I had all the same fears as you…I posted about it in this forum. My twins are now almost 10 months old and my daughter is 4 and EVERYTHING IS FINE. I am happy and feel so blessed. We sleep trained the babies at 8 months old. I got a full nights sleep last night. My oldest woke up and immediately asked for her little brother and sister. She held her brothers hand while I changed his diaper, and kissed little sissy while I fed her. We are all happy and everything is going well. My pregnancy was fine and healthy. I delivered them perfectly fine. Boring, almost. It’s not ALL bad and stressful like many on this forum will say.
 
@coolguy123 I know this is a few days old but I might be a different perspective from other

So I have Hashimoto’s (a thyroid autoimmune disease. Not harmful to baby however) and was terrified when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. I did end up miscarrying 1 at around 13 weeks and while the logical side of me knew it was probably for the best, for me and the other 2 babies, I couldn’t help but feel absolutely shattered at the news. It really sucked and still does. We had a very hard time getting pregnant and I had to change my diet and
Lifestyle completely in order to get pregnant. Even 1 baby was a surprise. My flare ups kind of disappeared during pregnancy which was absolutely marvelous but I also had pregnancy pains in the third trimester so meh.

With that said, it was a shitty time for me, the pregnancy was horrible and it made me vow to never have more. Family thinks it’s funny to joke about me having more (I had 2 boys, fraternal, each had their own sack and placenta) and that the next will be 2 girls.

The obsession with people NEEDING to procreate just to try for another gender is weird and I’ll never understand it but I digress.

In the end, my boys are both healthy and the joy of our life. The only thing we would both change was the circumstances that could have allowed us to have all three babies.

You have every right to worry about your mental health and don’t let family or friends make you feel ungrateful or selfish for doing so. You literally need to take care of yourself to watch just 1 child, now 2 newborns + a toddler is definitely going to require a lot of self-love and patience.

These were my first (and only) kids and I reminded myself that it was going to take several months to make them and I should give myself those same months to recover before trying to “bounce back”. Do be gentle with yourself, it’s a process that changes you physically mentally and emotionally and as a second time mom I’m sure you know this. If you have family and friends you know you can count on for support, vocalize that need.

Now, it’s not the case for a lot of people but I was able to birth my boys vaginally. I was 38+6 days when they were finally born (took 2.5 days in the hospital for labor to start after induction). You give birth in an OR regardless of which method you birth them. Baby B was not head down so they were prepping in case I needed a C-section to get B out. I was not about to require 2 recoveries so I made sure B was out 19 minutes later lol. Your OB is going to offer their best recommendations for your circumstances.

Recovery is going to be tough (again, second time mom so I’m sure you already know how it goes) especially with 2 newborns but it’s doable!! I have so many recommendations that helped me have a smoother pp that is love to share once you’re further along. I totally get all your feelings. Message me if you want to talk to someone!
 
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