pinkdragon
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@faithinmet lol I thought it was something entirely different when I first started seeing it
Pregnant with twins and devastated
- Thread starter coolguy123
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faithinmet
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@pinkdragon Female to male lmao
pinkdragon
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@faithinmet I was so confused seeing it so much too lmao
savingsouls4christ
New member
@coolguy123 My twin pregnancy was very much wanted- after a few rounds of iui. I was devastated when I realized what was going on at my first ultrasound . Cried the entire way home wondering if I’d ruined my life. I was worried about increased risks for medical complications during the pregnancy, money, my marriage. You name it I worried aboutit. We had a 2 year old who was wonderful and twins were not the plan. We had hoped for 2 kids total. I also wished I would miscarry one and went into every early ultrasound appointment holding my breath hoping for the opposite of what most people hope for. My boys were born feb of 2020 which made everything worse. They weren’t easy babies and they aren’t the easiest kids, but they are 4 and their bond with each other and their older brother is amazing. We are finally in the phase where the 3 of them can play together independently and have a great time. Our lives aren’t ruined. The most important thing is that my husband and I are 100% a team and we split responsibilities and always have. If your husband didn’t help much with your first now is the time to sit him down and talk through expectations. Sleep deprivation is a beast and a form of torture for a reason. Have a game plan (we took shifts overnight). I didn’t breastfeed because it was just too difficult with the 2 babies, neither of whom took to the breast and I didn’t have time to pump and care for them. We accepted help from anyone who offered at the beginning.
ballon01234
New member
@coolguy123 Other people here have elaborated a lot more, but I just want to add - I used to take struggle with my singleton (2.5) but I find two further babies way easier, I go out and about with all of them on my own 1-2 times a week and it's mostly fine. I think the experience of having a baby really helps and you are way more laid back about everything
inuyashapr
New member
@coolguy123 I felt exactly the same when we found out. Whatever you choose to do will be right for you.
I spent a lot of my twin pregnancy grieving and ill. I had to release basically all my expectations and control. I desperately wanted to feel excited and happy, and honestly I kindof didnt feel excited or happy until maybe the week before my twins came. We are 3 weeks postpartum now as a family of 5. I love my little twin babies and I know we made the right choice keeping them. I can't imagine having one and not the other, and I am excited to watch them grow with their big sister and find happiness in imagining our future.
But it was a hard road to get here. I had to give myself permission to not keep them in order to feel power in choosing to continue the pregnancy. Releasing control and expectations was the only thing that got me through. And tons of family support.
Your feelings are 10000% valid, and whatever you choose is right and okay. Good luck
you are a good mom.
I spent a lot of my twin pregnancy grieving and ill. I had to release basically all my expectations and control. I desperately wanted to feel excited and happy, and honestly I kindof didnt feel excited or happy until maybe the week before my twins came. We are 3 weeks postpartum now as a family of 5. I love my little twin babies and I know we made the right choice keeping them. I can't imagine having one and not the other, and I am excited to watch them grow with their big sister and find happiness in imagining our future.
But it was a hard road to get here. I had to give myself permission to not keep them in order to feel power in choosing to continue the pregnancy. Releasing control and expectations was the only thing that got me through. And tons of family support.
Your feelings are 10000% valid, and whatever you choose is right and okay. Good luck
you are a good mom.@coolguy123 I have a 3.5 year old and 16 month old twins. It is absolutely terrifying at first. My 3.5 year old also is a HORRIBLE sleeper. But honestly, after the first 6 months my twins have been easier than she ever was. It’s an adjustment period for sure and those first 6 months are survival mode but it gets better, I promise. And we have so much fun now and they are the absolute best of friends. It’s so so overwhelming but it turns out okay.
@coolguy123 Please don’t feel bad. I felt the same way. My twins are almost 1, and we already had 2 at home. I was on the fence about a 3rd so having 2 more was shocking - in the worst way.
Some days I still cry because I don’t know how we’re financially going to make it work but we have so far. And I love my little boy and girl so much. Everything we’ve had to give up and change has been worth it, and I keep reminding myself it’s all temporary. Some day they’ll be out of daycare! Someday they’ll be out of the house… haha.
It’s normal to feel like this - I really relate and you’re not alone. Having my twins has been the best and worst thing that’s ever happened
sending you so much love!!
Some days I still cry because I don’t know how we’re financially going to make it work but we have so far. And I love my little boy and girl so much. Everything we’ve had to give up and change has been worth it, and I keep reminding myself it’s all temporary. Some day they’ll be out of daycare! Someday they’ll be out of the house… haha.
It’s normal to feel like this - I really relate and you’re not alone. Having my twins has been the best and worst thing that’s ever happened
sending you so much love!!iiifokaiii
New member
@coolguy123 Don’t feel too bad about it. When I first heard my ex wife and I were having twins, fear and anxiety consumed me. I was also being deployed a couple months later. I hoped for one to miscarry. They are 13 years old now, and honestly it wasn’t easy, but I’m glad they’re both here with me. They have an older sister who is only 1 year and 9 days older. I met them when they were 2 months old. Having twins is scary. Going from having 1 kid pre-deployment to coming home to 3 was a huge adjustment. It would be to anyone. Having 3 kids is tough too, because one always seems to be the odd one out. But they’re all each others’ best friends. At the end of the day, it’s going to be tough, but it is incredibly rewarding. Watching them grow together, but grow separately is truly amazing. I used to do all the food shopping with all 3 girls, and carry them up the stairs in our apartment. It’s tough, but believe me, you can do it.
christina198585
New member
@coolguy123 I understand your panic. I had the same fears when I got pregnant with twins and I thought my life and body was ruined forever. You know what? My morning sickness lasted until I was 12-13 weeks pregnant, and then disappeared. I birthed them naturally when I was almost 36 weeks. The birth was undramatic. My body bounced back reasonably fast and six years later I look better than before since starting exercising.
My babies was bottle fed and kept on a schedule, and they slept through the night when they were 9 months.
I wish I knew that everything would be okay when I was pregnant. My anxiety wrecked the whole experience, but it all turned out fine. You got this, I believe in you!
My babies was bottle fed and kept on a schedule, and they slept through the night when they were 9 months.
I wish I knew that everything would be okay when I was pregnant. My anxiety wrecked the whole experience, but it all turned out fine. You got this, I believe in you!
ryanmrozek
New member
@coolguy123 I was about as shocked as you are when I first went to the doctor. We live in a tiny one bedroom apartment in a HCOL area, we can absolutely not afford a bigger one. There is not even a place for a single stroller let alone a twin stroller. The part of the city we live in is so run down, people use IV drugs openly on the streets. We´ve had both used needles and human feces in our entryway/stairs. We don´t have an elevator, we will have to carry everything and everyone two flights of stairs to get to our apartment... and I also have an orthopedic precondition. Nobody knows how it will be affected by 25kg average expected weight gain. Also I should´t be lifting any heavy weights at all (>8kg). So funny. You get the idea.
It took me at least a week until I could honestly say to myself and my partner: I want to have both of those babies and I want to find ways to make it work. It took my partner longer and I have read of some other parents who took WAY longer. I am thankful to them for sharing their feelings. It made me feel more normal and okay. We are 12 weeks now. Maybe you´ll be getting to that point too.
It took me at least a week until I could honestly say to myself and my partner: I want to have both of those babies and I want to find ways to make it work. It took my partner longer and I have read of some other parents who took WAY longer. I am thankful to them for sharing their feelings. It made me feel more normal and okay. We are 12 weeks now. Maybe you´ll be getting to that point too.
electric95
New member
@coolguy123 So, I had 4 miscarriages before my daughter, we needed metformin to carry her through the first trimester. We wanted one more and her pregnancy was horrendous, I had HG, and then when that started to subside at 32 weeks she dropped and I had severe pain. I just knew I for sure wanted her to have a sibling and to be done. We decided to try after she turned one and I got back on metformin, to our surprise we were already pregnant and at our 9 week scan saw twins. I cried, I was afraid I'd miscarry one or both - but aside from that I had all the same fears you did. I didn't even fully process or come to terms with the fact I was having 2 until I had them. My pregnancy was easier than my first up until the 3rd trimester and my twins are actually easier than my toddler was. You can't really know what baby(ies) you get til you get them. Being scared is ok - if it's already affecting your mental health I'm going to urge you to see a professional (I was already in therapy bc I had severe PPD/PPA with my first) it really helped me wrap my head around twins and find tons of resources like my local moms of multiple group which was pretty invaluable as I have no family and limited friends near by. My daughter is just over 3 and my twins are 19 months and we're in a really good place now, during that first year I couldn't see how beautiful it could be. I was scared during the pregnancy and not to sugar coat that first year was really hell on my mental health and my marriage. I am still working full time and so is my husband. We are fortunate to have found a nanny to come to us to watch the kids and while it's expensive we've figured it out. You can do this, it'll take a lot of planning but you can do it. I'm sending you so much love I remember feeling a lot how you did and it's ok you feel this way.
jesusisright7
New member
@coolguy123 I’m so sorry. Twin pregnancy and raising twins can be a scary and daunting task. Many people here have felt your fears and you are not a horrible person for those thoughts. I can’t make promises about what pregnancy, labor and delivery, or childcare will look like, but offer you some solace in that we’ve all been there. Good or bad, you are not alone. Cry when you need to but just take it day by day for now. There’s no better a group of parents to have as support than twin parents best of luck momma & keep us updated if you can!
best of luck momma & keep us updated if you can!@coolguy123 My twins are 1 month old. Trust me, I felt the same way. The pregnancy was not fun, but you can do it. It’s different week by week.
After my first baby (who is now 3) was born, it set off my RA really bad. I was scared that the same would happen after these babies. I am somewhat managed on a biologic that is okay to use during pregnancy. Babies are “immmune compromised” for a few months. I made it to 37 weeks and had an induction.
I saw an amazing therapist during the early days. My anxiety was high. She helped me to focus on taking care of myself.. and to stay in the now. I’m still trying to work on this because of other things going on in my life. My older one goes to daycare, I’m home with the babies, my husband is watching the twins before work while I hop in the shower.
Go see your doc so you can get some meds so you can eat. Some days.. all I could stomach was mashed potatoes.. or crackers.
After my first baby (who is now 3) was born, it set off my RA really bad. I was scared that the same would happen after these babies. I am somewhat managed on a biologic that is okay to use during pregnancy. Babies are “immmune compromised” for a few months. I made it to 37 weeks and had an induction.
I saw an amazing therapist during the early days. My anxiety was high. She helped me to focus on taking care of myself.. and to stay in the now. I’m still trying to work on this because of other things going on in my life. My older one goes to daycare, I’m home with the babies, my husband is watching the twins before work while I hop in the shower.
Go see your doc so you can get some meds so you can eat. Some days.. all I could stomach was mashed potatoes.. or crackers.
@coolguy123 Everyone has given awesome advice and it's so great to see a group come together with reassurance about feelings!
You these feelings for a reason, it's normal, and it would be more of an issue if you didn't share them.
You absolutely can thrive in this situation but I will say, you need to talk to your partner now and crunch numbers, look over schedules, see who you have who can help.
Before we were pregnant we crunched the numbers for a baby, well....a set of di/di identical twins later those numbers mean nothing. It's not "two for the price of one" your bills are for one. Then you have bills for two babies.
It can be all doable though, communication now and throughout it will be key.
Congratulations and welcome to this wild ride!
You these feelings for a reason, it's normal, and it would be more of an issue if you didn't share them.
You absolutely can thrive in this situation but I will say, you need to talk to your partner now and crunch numbers, look over schedules, see who you have who can help.
Before we were pregnant we crunched the numbers for a baby, well....a set of di/di identical twins later those numbers mean nothing. It's not "two for the price of one" your bills are for one. Then you have bills for two babies.
It can be all doable though, communication now and throughout it will be key.
Congratulations and welcome to this wild ride!
@coolguy123 Take a breath. You aren’t alone.
My twin pregnancy was an oops. And then to find out it was twins. We were in a bad place marriage wise and financially.
I had a lot of thoughts just like you. It’s okay. It’s not everyone’s response but it’s normal. Give yourself some grace.
My twins are so hard but I honestly love them so much. Everytime it’s hard I see there giggles and love they give and my heart is so full.
My twin pregnancy was an oops. And then to find out it was twins. We were in a bad place marriage wise and financially.
I had a lot of thoughts just like you. It’s okay. It’s not everyone’s response but it’s normal. Give yourself some grace.
My twins are so hard but I honestly love them so much. Everytime it’s hard I see there giggles and love they give and my heart is so full.
@coolguy123 My girls are now 1 years old. My son was 2 years old at the time I found out I was excepting my twins. I cried for 3 days straight. We were trying for another baby… I just didn’t expect twins. My first thought was ‘how will I cope’ I was so scared. Yes life is hectic and my ‘hands are full’ (as you will probably hear a lot of people tell you) but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I honestly thought it was the end of the world. We manage. Routine is everything . You’ll be fine, your family will be fine I promise. 
@coolguy123 I went through all these same feelings. I would have absolutely real feeling nightmares of being surrounded by screaming babies. We had our twins 13 months after our oldest turned 2. Then covid hit. It was purely survival for me. I won't lie to you. Their dad worked out of state, so I was practically alone. Routines and structure will become your best friend. Fast forward 4 years, I left my husband and my aspiring career to move home. I'm raising them by myself now, but I have a much larger support system than I've ever had. It becomes manageable, I promise. Libraries usually have story hour, I don't know how you feel about church, but there are Sunday school options and nurseries. That's at least an hour break for you. I am not a Christian, per se, but those weekly hours where I could sit in the back of the church knowing my kids are being taken care of were some of the best breathing breaks I could've asked for. I'll keep you in my thoughts OP!
@coolguy123 Everyone's experience is different so obviously I cannot make you any promises for how it will all turn out for you. But what I can do is post my story here so you can hear something hopeful.
My daughter was almost 5 when our boys were born. I was terrified. I was physically miserable. I needed tremendous help with taking care of my daughter. By the end I couldn't do much more than play games where she brought things to my bed. During the pregnancy I not infrequently had breakdowns panicking that I had ruined our lives, or her life.
Life after their birth was like night and day, a thousand percent better than life during the pregnancy. A singleton would definitely have been easier, but thanks to the second time mom advantage, the twins together still weren't as hard as my daughter was. You will need a lot of organization, you will need equal (if not greater) contributions of work from your partner, and you will want to pull in all the other versions of help that you have available to you. But once you've done all that - it's surprisingly manageable. We have our rhythm, we live by our routines, and we get all the work done.
My daughter LOVES her brothers and they adore her. I had expected getting them all out the door to school/daycare in the morning to be screaming chaos, but when she comes into the babies' room to pick out their clothes and fawn all over them, and they get to smiling and giggling back at her, it's my favorite time of day.
My daughter was almost 5 when our boys were born. I was terrified. I was physically miserable. I needed tremendous help with taking care of my daughter. By the end I couldn't do much more than play games where she brought things to my bed. During the pregnancy I not infrequently had breakdowns panicking that I had ruined our lives, or her life.
Life after their birth was like night and day, a thousand percent better than life during the pregnancy. A singleton would definitely have been easier, but thanks to the second time mom advantage, the twins together still weren't as hard as my daughter was. You will need a lot of organization, you will need equal (if not greater) contributions of work from your partner, and you will want to pull in all the other versions of help that you have available to you. But once you've done all that - it's surprisingly manageable. We have our rhythm, we live by our routines, and we get all the work done.
My daughter LOVES her brothers and they adore her. I had expected getting them all out the door to school/daycare in the morning to be screaming chaos, but when she comes into the babies' room to pick out their clothes and fawn all over them, and they get to smiling and giggling back at her, it's my favorite time of day.
drakeowens48135
New member
@coolguy123 I had a super easy pregnancy after the 8 month mark. I did not have a c-section. I do not have family around to help. Although I don’t have any other children, they have been a breeze. Great sleepers. 12 hours straight starting at 6 months old. They started playing together at a year old, they are 2.5 now. Still play together. Sleep all night. Potty training was a breeeeeeze. There are positives I promise!!