OAD?

[faiththeword]

Looking for insight on the decision making process. We go back and forth on having another. We’ve wanted to have a second, but for various reasons over the last decade we haven’t. Our first was unplanned, and we weren’t “ready” in any sense of the word. If we had not had supportive family around, I probably would have given my son up for adoption. Not because I didn’t want him, but because it would have been the best thing for him.

Anyways, we got older, circumstances changed, we got married, and we grew up into a point where we were like, “Okay maybe now we could.” And then things would fall to pieces financially usually due to my health.

Our son is 9 now, and I don’t want to box myself into the mindset of, “It’s too late.” Because it’s not about the age of my son, it’s a family decision. And just because my son is older doesn’t mean we couldn’t have another baby.

This is just some back ground. And I realize I am rambling.

I suppose my point is, we want(ed?) to have another, but now I’m not so sure. I realize only my family and I can decide this for ourselves. But how did y’all decide you were OAD? Im sure there’s other people on here who thought they might have more and then circumstances changed that. How did you become 100% okay with that?

I used to be very sad that I hadn’t another child by now, but Im more at peace with it now. And even making peace with the fact that OAD may be the path our like is destined for. Not 100%, but Im getting there.

 

[reporter94]

@faiththeword We had a few determining factors. We initially wanted a second when our son was 2ish, but we could not afford the daycare for two kids simultaneously, and decided to wait until our son was 5 and going into school and child care for him would significantly decrease. By the time we got there, I had this human being that was fun to be around, smart, could eat with manners in a restaurant, and could wipe his own butt. I knew I could not go back to the baby jail years again. My mental health was really a struggle with the loss of autonomy during those first 5 years.

My son is 10 now, almost 11. I do not regret our decision at all. It was the best one for our family. We can let our son try lots of activities, and we are able to travel with him. He’s a great kid and I love our family dynamic.

 

[hears2]

@faiththeword Im pregnant now with my second, my son is 4 and he is the most amazing kid. We wanted a gap between them (we only want 2) and honestly I still get moments of regret and fear like did we just destroy our perfect easy life by adding a baby? I have no idea how this baby is going to turn out and how it will affect our dynamics but everytime my son rubs my belly and speaks to the baby all these fears go away. Most of your doubts are based on fear and you shouldn’t let that hold you back if you want another.

 

[asheri]

@faiththeword I’m 99% certain we’re OAD. I’m 35 and our baby is 6 months old, my pregnancy was high risk and was incredibly difficult on me both mentally and physically and I don’t want to go through it again. I adore my son but I get overwhelmed easily and I don’t think I’d be able to parent two kids effectively, I think one will be easier on my over mental health. I feel that one child fits both my and my husband’s personalities and lifestyle better. Although it m pretty sure we’d be ok financially if we had another, I don’t want to put that extra stress on us. We did decide to wait until the baby is one before making any permanent decisions but as of now I’m happy with one.

 

[satyaraj21]

@faiththeword I don't have any insight as I am currently trying to figure out how to make the same decision. My daughter is going to be 9 and I just turned 39 so I feel the pressure to make a decision quick. And sometimes feel that time has already made the decision for me.

 

[faiththeword]

@satyaraj21 I understand the feeling of the decision being made for you. I’m almost 32, and I had my son when I was 22 almost 23. Like I said, I’ve wanted another long before now. But I would get sick, lose jobs, or both. It’s so frustrating.