@freedom1969 I was (and sort of still am) on a similar boat. My ex husband has severe mental health issues. I will say he’s definitely a loving father, but as I’ve done more and more therapy I’m aware that there’s only one word for the kind of partner he was: abusive. Mental illness or not, he understood right from wrong and chose to treat me terribly again and again. I came very close to having another child with him. Like another poster said, I think part of me wanted a “redo” and also I did just genuinely want two children at one point in my life.
I’m OAD because I have now been faced with the enormous financial, physical, and emotional challenge that is single parenthood in America. Even if I found another partner (and who knows, I may!) I would be very hesitant to have another child because I would never want to risk going through this again. Especially financially, I worry so much for our children and what they will be faced with economically. I want to be sure I can help my son throughout his life in any capacity I can (provide child care for grandkids, etc) as I age. And if it comes down to it, I want to help with my ex husband as he ages as his illness is likely to get worse. It’s a type of purgatory of an existence to have to always help with him, but I don’t want my son to bear the burden if I can help it. It also really makes finding a partner to have another child with an uphill battle, because it’s a rare gem of a person who is going to be ok with me providing occasional care to a mentally ill ex husband (not like moving him into my home or anything of course, but possibly taking him for hospital stays when he needs it, always being his emergency contact if he gets himself into trouble, etc)
But yeah OP, I totally feel for you because I feel like the decision was made for me in so many ways sometimes, and it’s unfair.
I’m OAD because I have now been faced with the enormous financial, physical, and emotional challenge that is single parenthood in America. Even if I found another partner (and who knows, I may!) I would be very hesitant to have another child because I would never want to risk going through this again. Especially financially, I worry so much for our children and what they will be faced with economically. I want to be sure I can help my son throughout his life in any capacity I can (provide child care for grandkids, etc) as I age. And if it comes down to it, I want to help with my ex husband as he ages as his illness is likely to get worse. It’s a type of purgatory of an existence to have to always help with him, but I don’t want my son to bear the burden if I can help it. It also really makes finding a partner to have another child with an uphill battle, because it’s a rare gem of a person who is going to be ok with me providing occasional care to a mentally ill ex husband (not like moving him into my home or anything of course, but possibly taking him for hospital stays when he needs it, always being his emergency contact if he gets himself into trouble, etc)
But yeah OP, I totally feel for you because I feel like the decision was made for me in so many ways sometimes, and it’s unfair.