If you dont control the house, the house controls you

[giangnt]

I have a 2yo and 4yo along with a bunch of animals. If I dont clean everyday or take control of the house I swear the house controls me. It can be super clean one minute then a fucking mess the next. But once it's a mess and your not feeling like cleaning AGAIN then itll get worse and your stuck. I hate it. Kids are soooo messy, laundry sucks, cooking sucks cuz u gotta clean. I mean u legit clean all day everyday or else the house wins. Sorry for the rant.

 

[uthoko]

@giangnt IKR! It’s a very thankless job. Some days I’m just so physically exhausted from constantly picking up after my kids, tidying, cleaning, washing, and I feel like I’m not “allowed to feel exhausted because I’ve “been home all day”. Bleh

 

[giangnt]

@uthoko Then theres days where on top of the constant cleaning you get that guilt trip "did I interact with my kids enough? did they get to much tv time? Did they have fun with me today?" Its tiring.

 

[jsw1190]

@giangnt I feel this so much

 

[corneliusr]

@uthoko I felt this too.. I feel guilty for wanting to be thanked. Even worse when I am thanked and shown gratitude, and I still dread the day-in-day-out.

 

[rennfam]

@uthoko I vote that at 2.5 years, SAHP take a pilgrimage for 4 days to uh...reconnect with their inner selves. Basically if there is another parent they get to learn how easy it is to stay at home all day.

 

[stratguy]

@giangnt Yes! I'm pregnant and have a 2yo and everyone is telling me to rest when the toddler naps but I just can't! A messy house affects my mental health so bad - I hate when it all gets on top of me.

 

[giangnt]

@stratguy I suffer from PTSD so I feel this. Once the house wins I get super depressed and don't have motivation to do anything!

 

[pol1905]

@giangnt I make my husband do the dishes. He signed up for it lol. I told him before we were married he can either do the dishes and eat my cooking or we can go out all the time, but I’m not a house elf I will not be doing dishes and cooking. He must like my cooking cause he does the dishes.

 

[johnny103068]

@pol1905 I’m the same way, I’ll do the dishes for a quick lunch (plate into the dishwasher), but if I cook dinner somebody else is gonna do the dishes. I’m an excellent cook, and if I took the time to buy the groceries, prep the dinner, cook the dinner, then sit down when everyone else is getting done, someone else can do the dishes.

 

[pol1905]

@johnny103068 I do the rest of the cleaning (my husband literally doesn’t see dirt) when he moved out of his apartment and I helped him clean it his room broke my vacuum. That’s how dirty it was. So if I slack and don’t do a deep clean we still never argue about because he just doesn’t see it. If I ask him to clean something extra he just does it because he know how much more cleaning I do than him. When people say a stay at home mom should do it all I want to punch them. Have they tried raising a tinny toddler that wants mom when she is busy. My husband works 40 hours sure, but between toddler, cleaning, cooking, pets, and doctor/vet/dentist visits I definitely not slaking.

 

[dxfax]

@giangnt Yup it's so tiring, mentally and physically. I'm so stressed and then I feel anxious that I'm not doing enough and that I'm just a stay at home mom. I have tons of therapy but honestly nothing really gets better

 

[steelhead]

@dxfax You are not “just” a SAHM. how many hours do you spend on your job? Guarantee it’s more than 40 hours a week.
And in the past, it would have been incredibly unusual for one person to be taking care of all the kids and Also the house and Also the cooking, all 100% on their own.
Use your support network if you have one, you’re allowed to lean on other people. We’re humans it’s what we do.
I feel for you

 

[luckymum]

@steelhead Yep, every parent works 24/7 as a parent! It's a non-stop job.

 

[dxfax]

@steelhead Thank you I needed to hear this

 

[katrina2017]

@dxfax Is there something you can do for yourself?

Workout? Learn a new subject or take up a hobby?

Some days the house will be messy if you do something for your well being the messiness wont feel as impactful.

 

[manapaincenter]

@dxfax I feel this is my soul :-/
Once I really took some time to be alone is when I started feeling better.
Message me if you ever want to talk

 

[dxfax]

@manapaincenter Thank you

 

[nonchalont]

@giangnt I feel this so hard right now. And my husband came home trashed and now I’m also left cleaning after him

 

[giangnt]

@nonchalont That sucks this lifestyle is rough somedays.