@petermushk I have no advice bc it would like you're already doing/trying everything I would have thought of in your shoes. I'm just sending you all the love, respect, and a butt load of patience.
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My Girlfriend’s 12 y/o Is Out of Control and Threatening to Kill Herself!
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petermushk
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@petermushk Has she had a full evaluation? Is that where the adhd diagnosis came from, or was that just an adhd evaluation? I think you probably need some sort of diagnosis/probable diagnosis before you know how you should proceed. Typical punishments don’t usually work well for nd kids, and it sounds like she probably has some mental health issue(s) going on as well.
petermushk
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@godstruth I know she was diagnosed with ADD as a young child and her sister with ADHD. My girlfriend has made it clear to the clinicians involved the struggles she is going through. They have made multiple suggestions, but none of them work. Not one, including the doctor overseeing her suicide hospitalization, thought that doing away with consequences/punishments for her bad behavior was a good idea.
@petermushk
Her behavior is not normal. Sounds like she has mental health issues. This sounds so much like the behavior my neice began exhibiting around age 10.
I have a neice that is a 33 year old adult now. She’s alienated herself from the family because we don’t allow her to do as she pleases. It started out when she was 8 or 9 years old with learning and behavior issues. Her Dad died of Addisons disease when she was 3 years old. My sister took her to see doctors therapist etc thinking it was the pressure of not having a dad. School age is the typical time kids feel the pressure of not having two parents. The docs/therapists diagnosed an overall sadness, ADD and ODD. My sister didn’t want to believe it. Refused to medicate my neice.
When my sister dated, my neice clung to the men… fell on every word they spoke. We were so afraid for her because her affinity to men … strangers, family and friends was over the top. Therapist warned this could lead to promiscuity.
She was barely making it in her early teens… it was as if the hormones exacerbated the behavioral issues. Antisocial, defiant, lying, aggressive and angry any time she couldn’t get her way. She was selfish, manipulative, bullying, entitled and non-compliant with her ADHD meds. She refused to go to school or therapy with every bone in her body. She weaponized her sexual promiscuity at age 15, against her mother; eventually expelled from school the same year because she threatened to kill herself and another student. She was hospitalized for 72 hours and sent to a rehab/mental health facility. We found out she was cutting to relieve her internal pain. She refused therapy until she realized it was part of her conditions for release. She stopped taking the meds as soon as she was released. By age 18, she continually threatened to get pregnant and leave the baby on her mom because she might hurt the kid. After an emergency room visit that turned into a 72 hour hold in a psych unit, she was medicated enough to see reason. She agreed to therapy for a few months and willingly took her medications.
Docs eventually diagnosed her with oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), major depressive disorder (MDD), PMDD and Bipolar type 2.
That honeymoon period lasted a year before the nightmare started again.
We thought the final straw came when the bad crowd she dealt with and the drug use, brought the DEA and FBI to my sisters front door one evening. A bunch of her friends were charged and convicted of various felonies. After the court hearings, she disappeared.
The nightmare turned into a night terror. The last straw broke when she got pregnant at 20. She neglected the baby from birth and abused him physically later on. My sister reported her to CPS and got immediate custody of her grandson. We’re doing our best to help her raise him. We pray she doesn’t have any more children.
Meanwhile, we’re protecting our home and sanity. We love her but can tolerate behavior any more. We don’t allow her around the family as long as she is not behaving properly, med compliant and attending regular therapy sessions. She knows the rules, checks in with my sister on occasions. Begs to be invited but refused to comply with the rules. She screams into the phone that we aren’t fair.
If a mother tells you her child might be a sociopath, believe her.
Her behavior is not normal. Sounds like she has mental health issues. This sounds so much like the behavior my neice began exhibiting around age 10.
- How are her grades? Behavior in school? Around other family members?
- Is her father an involved parent?
- Does mental illness run on one or both sides of the family?
- Has mom had a lot of men around her? Moved them in?
- if she calls you dad or is allowed to call you dad… I’d be concerned.
I have a neice that is a 33 year old adult now. She’s alienated herself from the family because we don’t allow her to do as she pleases. It started out when she was 8 or 9 years old with learning and behavior issues. Her Dad died of Addisons disease when she was 3 years old. My sister took her to see doctors therapist etc thinking it was the pressure of not having a dad. School age is the typical time kids feel the pressure of not having two parents. The docs/therapists diagnosed an overall sadness, ADD and ODD. My sister didn’t want to believe it. Refused to medicate my neice.
When my sister dated, my neice clung to the men… fell on every word they spoke. We were so afraid for her because her affinity to men … strangers, family and friends was over the top. Therapist warned this could lead to promiscuity.
She was barely making it in her early teens… it was as if the hormones exacerbated the behavioral issues. Antisocial, defiant, lying, aggressive and angry any time she couldn’t get her way. She was selfish, manipulative, bullying, entitled and non-compliant with her ADHD meds. She refused to go to school or therapy with every bone in her body. She weaponized her sexual promiscuity at age 15, against her mother; eventually expelled from school the same year because she threatened to kill herself and another student. She was hospitalized for 72 hours and sent to a rehab/mental health facility. We found out she was cutting to relieve her internal pain. She refused therapy until she realized it was part of her conditions for release. She stopped taking the meds as soon as she was released. By age 18, she continually threatened to get pregnant and leave the baby on her mom because she might hurt the kid. After an emergency room visit that turned into a 72 hour hold in a psych unit, she was medicated enough to see reason. She agreed to therapy for a few months and willingly took her medications.
Docs eventually diagnosed her with oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), major depressive disorder (MDD), PMDD and Bipolar type 2.
That honeymoon period lasted a year before the nightmare started again.
We thought the final straw came when the bad crowd she dealt with and the drug use, brought the DEA and FBI to my sisters front door one evening. A bunch of her friends were charged and convicted of various felonies. After the court hearings, she disappeared.
The nightmare turned into a night terror. The last straw broke when she got pregnant at 20. She neglected the baby from birth and abused him physically later on. My sister reported her to CPS and got immediate custody of her grandson. We’re doing our best to help her raise him. We pray she doesn’t have any more children.
Meanwhile, we’re protecting our home and sanity. We love her but can tolerate behavior any more. We don’t allow her around the family as long as she is not behaving properly, med compliant and attending regular therapy sessions. She knows the rules, checks in with my sister on occasions. Begs to be invited but refused to comply with the rules. She screams into the phone that we aren’t fair.
Therapy for all of you is recommended. It’s tough raising kids on a good day so adding her behavior to the mix is doubly complicated.
These subs may help you gain more insight until your gf finds a family therapist.
Adding other subreddits :
r/oppositionaldefiant
r/ADHD
r/sociopath
These subs may help you gain more insight until your gf finds a family therapist.
Adding other subreddits :
r/oppositionaldefiant
r/ADHD
r/sociopath
livingstonlakshmanan
New member
@nikkie7 Neurodivergence =/= being a "sociopath" (there’s no such current diagnosis.
So no, if a Mother claims her child is a sociopath, you don’t just blindly believe that wild claim. Not to mention ASPD cannot be diagnosed in someone under 18 as other things could be to blame… Like neurodivergent conditions, mental health problems does not make you a sociopath, especially before your brain has fully developed to the point of logically using reason.
So no, if a Mother claims her child is a sociopath, you don’t just blindly believe that wild claim. Not to mention ASPD cannot be diagnosed in someone under 18 as other things could be to blame… Like neurodivergent conditions, mental health problems does not make you a sociopath, especially before your brain has fully developed to the point of logically using reason.
petermushk
New member
@nikkie7 Wow. Thank you so much for your story. My girlfriend has expressed these exact concerns. She has said, “Right now, she is doing bad kid stuff (stealing/lying/etc.). But how long until she starts doing really bad things (promiscuity/drugs)?”
This does sound a lot like Kaia. Luckily, she does take her meds, but we have to watch her actually take them.
To answer your questions…
Her grades are decent (mainly because the school is soooo easy), her behavior is not good at school (mainly the stealing)
She has not seen her father in five years, and he is not a good man.
My girlfriend also has ADHD.
She has only allowed one other sexual partner to meet her kids since her divorce six years ago.
She calls me Mr. Christian Name
This does sound a lot like Kaia. Luckily, she does take her meds, but we have to watch her actually take them.
To answer your questions…
Her grades are decent (mainly because the school is soooo easy), her behavior is not good at school (mainly the stealing)
She has not seen her father in five years, and he is not a good man.
My girlfriend also has ADHD.
She has only allowed one other sexual partner to meet her kids since her divorce six years ago.
She calls me Mr. Christian Name
@petermushk Ok I’m not a parent either but have you tried taking her to places she enjoys like Disneyland. Disneyland and amusement parks are a great way for family’s to bond. Also you should try to she if she’s getting bullied or feeling bad about her body like if she thinks she’s fat when she isn’t. She may also be trying to get attention because she is jealous of her sister. Maybe since she likes video games try to play with her and learn the game. She might be thinking that sucidal is a joke try to scare her out of it. Try to make more playdates with her friends. Maybe try to distract her mind like getting a new pet.
@petermushk Troll...no 2 kids with those names could possibly get around so much. BTW :" let's call her_______+" is just a dead giveaway.
@petermushk I wish I could be help. My niece and nephew that we almost were responsible for just due the parents not being a good fit. We opted out because they both were starting to show signs of sociopath. This was like 5 years ago We have to boys and at that time they were 5 and 10. We just did not have a safe place to keep them. Just were not comfortable putting our own children in danger. Sadly they were able to go around the system. Childrens services believed them over all the adults. I am truly hoping they will get caught and tried since they are adults now. That is the only thing that could help them.
My only advice is get them in separate rooms. My niece and nephew would try to set others on fire and do other unspeakable things to each other and any one that they could get their hands on at night time. Also get as much evidence as you can to show your case so you can be believed. Especially recording her while she is in the middle of one of her not so good moments. I hope what happened with my niece and nephew doesn't happen to anyone else. Where they believed their word over all other adults. Even though they both have records from school and also breaking into other houses, etc. They believed my niece and nephew were like that because of the adults responsible for them sadly.
I wish there were institutions just cases like this. Because some children truly need that 24/7 care from professionals. I was on the other side of institutions until my niece and nephew.
My only advice is get them in separate rooms. My niece and nephew would try to set others on fire and do other unspeakable things to each other and any one that they could get their hands on at night time. Also get as much evidence as you can to show your case so you can be believed. Especially recording her while she is in the middle of one of her not so good moments. I hope what happened with my niece and nephew doesn't happen to anyone else. Where they believed their word over all other adults. Even though they both have records from school and also breaking into other houses, etc. They believed my niece and nephew were like that because of the adults responsible for them sadly.
I wish there were institutions just cases like this. Because some children truly need that 24/7 care from professionals. I was on the other side of institutions until my niece and nephew.
petermushk
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