@roryrichards Find a time to sit down with your partner when your both in a good or neutral mood. Explain how things are working/not working now. Explain how you want things to function. What role do you want him to take at home and with the kids? What's your ideal home life setup? Explain that you telling him what to do all the time and him winging each task is not working for you. He needs to change the way he LOOKS at the house. Have him walk into the living room with you. Ask him what he sees. Ask him how he would clean it up. Then explain how you would clean it up. You'd gather all the dog toys and put them in their spot. Then you'd gather all the Legos and put them in their containers. Stack all the books and put them where? Pick up all the cups. Do they go on the counter or in the dishwasher? How do the pillows get put on the couch? How do you decide if the floor needs to be vacuumed? Etc
You should print out your kid's schedule. Go through the schedule and explain what goes into every activity. If they're going to act like a child, you might have to treat them like a child as you explain everything. Then walk them through the more complicated portions. Write down the steps and post it on the bathroom wall. Are they incapable of bathing the kids? 1.Tell them how to wash the kids, 2. Have them watch you bathe the kids, 3. then you watch them bathe the kids, 4. They don't on their own.
Are they unable to make lunch or snack? I had a list of easy snack and lunch ideas written down and posted in my kitchen for babysitters. Talk partner through the steps and show them where every is located. Tell them your expectations. Mine is that for lunch the kids get some protein, a few carbs, 1-2 veggies, 1 fruit. They can have water, fruit juice or milk. Those things need to be included. Does he need to wash veggies and fruit? Does one kid only eat strawberry jam not grape? Put that info down.
Have a list of the chores posted. Show them which things need to be done every week/couple weeks/month/season. Where are the supplies? Is there a specific way you want it done? When you say "load the dishwasher" is that all or do you expect the counters to be wiped as well? With water or with cleaner? Paper towel or rag? Be clear.
Maybe you need a daily calendar with the chores posted on that so they can see what needs to be done today?
If all this doesn't work, then find a couples counselor or paster or someone similar. They can help you guys figure out a fair division of labor.
Lastly, I'll usually give a status report to my spouse when he gets home at night. I'll say something like: "Yay! Welcome home! Dinner is on the stove. The kids emptied the dishwasher! #1 needs to shower and clean up her project before she can play. #2 needs to practice the piano, put away his clothes, and finish his spelling paper before he can play. I'm finishing these last 2 loads of laundry so if you have anything extra that's dirty you can give it to me now." He knows exactly what we're working on. He can hustle and give me his laundry. He encourages the kids or helps them get their things done. After he gets his dinner, if I'm still busy with laundry he puts the food away and washes the pots. It helps us all work together. Then we can all relax together! It works well for us, but I will say that my husband is very involved in the house and with the kids.
If all this doesn't work, then find a couples counselor or paster or someone similar. They can help you guys figure out a fair division of labor.
You should print out your kid's schedule. Go through the schedule and explain what goes into every activity. If they're going to act like a child, you might have to treat them like a child as you explain everything. Then walk them through the more complicated portions. Write down the steps and post it on the bathroom wall. Are they incapable of bathing the kids? 1.Tell them how to wash the kids, 2. Have them watch you bathe the kids, 3. then you watch them bathe the kids, 4. They don't on their own.
Are they unable to make lunch or snack? I had a list of easy snack and lunch ideas written down and posted in my kitchen for babysitters. Talk partner through the steps and show them where every is located. Tell them your expectations. Mine is that for lunch the kids get some protein, a few carbs, 1-2 veggies, 1 fruit. They can have water, fruit juice or milk. Those things need to be included. Does he need to wash veggies and fruit? Does one kid only eat strawberry jam not grape? Put that info down.
Have a list of the chores posted. Show them which things need to be done every week/couple weeks/month/season. Where are the supplies? Is there a specific way you want it done? When you say "load the dishwasher" is that all or do you expect the counters to be wiped as well? With water or with cleaner? Paper towel or rag? Be clear.
Maybe you need a daily calendar with the chores posted on that so they can see what needs to be done today?
If all this doesn't work, then find a couples counselor or paster or someone similar. They can help you guys figure out a fair division of labor.
Lastly, I'll usually give a status report to my spouse when he gets home at night. I'll say something like: "Yay! Welcome home! Dinner is on the stove. The kids emptied the dishwasher! #1 needs to shower and clean up her project before she can play. #2 needs to practice the piano, put away his clothes, and finish his spelling paper before he can play. I'm finishing these last 2 loads of laundry so if you have anything extra that's dirty you can give it to me now." He knows exactly what we're working on. He can hustle and give me his laundry. He encourages the kids or helps them get their things done. After he gets his dinner, if I'm still busy with laundry he puts the food away and washes the pots. It helps us all work together. Then we can all relax together! It works well for us, but I will say that my husband is very involved in the house and with the kids.
If all this doesn't work, then find a couples counselor or paster or someone similar. They can help you guys figure out a fair division of labor.
