@petermushk This has been the past year of our lives with my stepson and it's been miserable. I only read some of the comments and the ones that I did weren't very supportive or helpful.
I'd like to say take any advice that you can, but when it comes to the people that seem that they are "coming for you" rather than trying to help, try to remember that everyone has some sort of trauma in their lives and that can trigger how they view situations and how they feel the need to respond.
I've found that people that don't know me or my family have a more natural response to jump to defense of my stepson, which I totally understand, but it's very disheartening when you're in the situation and looking for help and understanding.
I personally believe that everyone is born who they are, that the things they go through may alter it some, but for the most part you are who you are. I believe that's why everyone handles things so differently. I think people forget that not everyone (even kids) can't be changed much unless their psyche is willing.
Sometimes therapy and loving homes don't change a dang thing and it sucks.
I will say, I used to LOVE true crime until it started to feel like there was a chance we could end up on someone's podcast.
I think the best thing that happened was someone pressed charges on something he had done which got the courts involved so people in high positions got involved and that meant more people had eyes on the situation therefore it's becoming more obvious that he's lying and manipulating. He is currently out of the home because the state is trying to get him into a program to help with his mental health and they see that we've exhausted all of our options. I hope that it is something that can be helped.
Also, a woman he had been seeing for his mental health the past year had actually told me that it can't be diagnosed until he is 18 (because of the brain and personality still developing) but she actually suspected that he may be a scociopath. She wanted to try to get him into a long term facility with individualized intense therapy. He was on a waiting list before the courts got involved so hopefully they can get him into a place like that quicker.
I wish you all the best of luck and for her to get the help she needs AND be willing to do the work to get better.