If you could turn back time, would you still have a child?

[tammeka]

@allyson Exactly same here, all of it

 

[libbyhayden]

@fudge Yes. It’s a great adventure. Although if I had known how brutal the sleep deprivation was going to be the first 3y, I might have had cold feet.

 

[jasper353]

@fudge No. For a few reasons, but mostly I feel immense guilt having brought him into this world of ours. It’s a cruel, unjust world. Covid has changed how I look at everything. I sit up at night absolutely beside myself with guilt that I forced this all on him. I love him so fucking much and he is too good for this world. I just hope that we can make it as happy as possible for him

 

[itsagoodday]

@fudge Nope, I wouldn't. I love my son but I seriously regret it. I was lonely in my relationship and didn't know what path my life should take after finishing my two degrees and I just defaulted to what everyone around me did, had a kid. Husband would have happily been child free, he regrets agreeing to have one.

Now he's 3, I found a ton of new hobbies the I can't actually enjoy with the limited time I have. I took a day off work and sent him to daycare and had a solid 8 hours of alone time and all I could think was "this could have been my normal life, why did I take on the responsibility of a kid when I didn't have to..."

 

[placemat]

@fudge Yes! I actually love being a SAHM! However I’ve previously been a teacher and nanny, so I had a good idea what I was in for.

 

[cyau]

@fudge Now that I know my daughter I would never undo having her despite everything. However, I will never have another child.

 

[cantool]

@fudge No.

While I love her, its been 27 months and sleep is non existent. No alone time, no time for my hobbies. No “my life” anymore.

Dealing with a full time job, a full time kid, and keeping up the house (husband helps but still), my ruined body….
No.

 

[elliewaves]

@fudge I would. I had him at 27, I probably would do it even sooner if I could go back - he is amazing and he makes the world (and me) a bette place. Once I became a mother I started standing up for myself because I didn't want my son to see people walk all over his mom. I became more intentional, more understanding and I have so much more joy in my life!
Is being a parent the hardest thing I've ever done? Absolutely! Would I do it all over if I had the chance? No doubt.

 

[raeyeoyongkang]

@fudge Yes! I never planned on having children and now I only have one. Scheduled a tubal ligation next month! So happy.

 

[katrina2017]

@fudge Being at home with a young child all the time is exhausting! How supportive is your spouse or partner? Do you get any breaks at all? Is your child in preschool, or will he/she be going to kindergarten next year?

Have you sought help for your anxiety? Anxiety is real, and it can be managed.

How strong was your desire to have a child before you got pregnant? Not everybody has a burning desire to be a parent, and that is ok. What do you miss about your life before being a mom? Did you have a career that you loved? Did you enjoy traveling? Is there any way you could look forward to reclaiming some of those aspects of your life as your child gets older?

To answer your question: I love being a mom, and would do it all over again in a heartbeat. However, there are challenges and days where I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I sought professional help for depression (therapy and medication), which made a huge difference in my outlook. I also have a spouse who is helpful and supportive.

Not everyone is in the same situation. It's ok to have tough periods, especially as a SAHM. We work 24/7, with no vacation time. It's also ok to reach out for help when you need it.

 

[fudge]

@katrina2017 I live in Argentina, now schools are on vacation, yes i have hepl, he is supportive (my husband, and he helps me), but works all day, and i mean it!! ( wake up at 6:30, comes back at 18 pm) soooo, it' mom all day!! My in laws are dead (both died many years ago), my mom is 80y and my dad is 78y, and they live 800 km away from me, my SIL the same problem, she lives away from us, both of my sisters too, so basically i'm alone with my daughter all day. For my anxiety i take loooong walks, i walk for 2 hours on weekends or when my husband is with our child (10 or 11 km, i think it's like 7 miles or something) I miss my free time, going to work, going to the gym, (i love fitness and i'm fit), I'm a Chef (Cooking) and future nurse (still stuying, cause i love it! yeah, i'm a nerd...).

I cry today, i feel overwhelmed TODAY, maybe tomorrow is going to be different, it feels "good" to know that there is other people out there having the same feelings as i do.

(my english is not good, sorry!)

 

[wenwen86]

@fudge Your English is fine I understood you perfectly. Personally my mental health improved drastically after I went back to work. I always say working makes me a better mother and being a mother makes me better at my job.

 

[katrina2017]

@fudge Yes I would. However I would make alot of different life choices so I could have had him at a younger age. I am in my early 30s and wanted to start having children in my mid 20s.

 

[nickthrowaway]

@fudge 100%.

Everything i went through shaped me and my marriage. I wouldn't change it.

 

[aemaleski]

@fudge I think I probably would, but I wish I would have waited. I was married with a kid at 20. I forced myself to grow up so fast. I really think I would have handled being a mother better had I been older.

 

[abarfacnay1989]

@fudge Yes. But I would have answered differently in his first year.
No reflection on him, I just learnt a lot about myself, not all of it flattering.

 

[jake244]

@abarfacnay1989 I think I’m going through this right now. Not happy with the person I am. I am more selfish than I realized.

 

[abarfacnay1989]

@jake244 I get frustrated easily & I need personal space & hobbies to reset. That first year I felt like such a monster, but looking back I just couldn't give myself time to defuse & unwind. Parenting was all consuming. I compared myself to people who enjoyed feeling completely relied upon and found myself lacking. He's nearly 4 now & the balance has shifted so I'm not nearly as hard on myself. Still wouldn't fancy going through it all again.

Personally I think being selfish is a part of self preservation.

 

[oneandonlyisation]

@fudge 100% yes. I might have even had one a couple of years earlier, so there would be more wiggle room for another.
Even though she might be considered a high needs child, she changed my life only for the better.
the things that I miss from my old life are few, mainly a good night of sleep, hehe

 

[katrina2017]

@fudge Hell yeah. My son is one of my best buddies. He drives me crazy sometimes but I'm happy. I feel he changed my life for the better overall. I had him at 24 though so I am/was younger and he will be fairly independent when I'm in my 30s.