@jameslaurich I have needed to hear this for 21 months. Thank you. It has perfectly articulated something that I couldn't say out loud. 
If you could turn back time, would you still have a child?
- Thread starter fudge
- Start date
katrina2017
New member
@jameslaurich Beautifully said.
katrina2017
New member
@jameslaurich This is exactly how I feel.
trinityeze
New member
@fudge No, I wouldn’t. Obligatory, I love my child with everything I have. I would never wish him away now that he is here.
However, I was a fence sitter and very “meh” about having a kid in the first place. But, I was worried that I would regret not having the “mother” life experience and my husband really wanted kids. To be fair, when we got together, I did feel strongly that I also wanted children. But as I grew up myself and got more stable in my career and who I was as a person, my desire for kids decreased.
So, we had a kid. And then nothing turned out how I expected. Awful pregnancy, horrible fourth trimester, debilitating sleep deprivation (and a kid who still doesn’t sleep great), expensive unreliable daycare, no help, and being the parent 90% of the time is just not how I expected it all to be. I also have a child who is very high energy and active and requires 100% monitoring all the time.
It’s exhausting, overwhelming, thankless and relentless. Despite loving the heck out of my child, there are still many times where I miss my life before having a kid.
However, I was a fence sitter and very “meh” about having a kid in the first place. But, I was worried that I would regret not having the “mother” life experience and my husband really wanted kids. To be fair, when we got together, I did feel strongly that I also wanted children. But as I grew up myself and got more stable in my career and who I was as a person, my desire for kids decreased.
So, we had a kid. And then nothing turned out how I expected. Awful pregnancy, horrible fourth trimester, debilitating sleep deprivation (and a kid who still doesn’t sleep great), expensive unreliable daycare, no help, and being the parent 90% of the time is just not how I expected it all to be. I also have a child who is very high energy and active and requires 100% monitoring all the time.
It’s exhausting, overwhelming, thankless and relentless. Despite loving the heck out of my child, there are still many times where I miss my life before having a kid.
thirdculturekid
New member
@trinityeze the honesty in this post comforts me. i could have written it myself! thank you so much for sharing 
dead2selflive4him
New member
@trinityeze I feel you on the high energy and 100% monitoring all the time.
gabernathy
New member
@trinityeze Thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm also a fence sitter currently and your comment addressed all of my fears with landing on the having one child side of the fence.
voicesofthewind
New member
@trinityeze Samesies
katrina2017
New member
@trinityeze Virtual hugs 
Thank you for this. I have comfort knowing I'm not alone.
Thank you for this. I have comfort knowing I'm not alone.themusiczealot
New member
@trinityeze Hi other me.
Hugs Mama. If you ever need to talk please take my offer. I don’t ever sleep anymore so always around, thanks COVID
Hugs Mama. If you ever need to talk please take my offer. I don’t ever sleep anymore so always around, thanks COVID
truthseekeratl
New member
@trinityeze Thank you for sharing 
psychopath2313
New member
@trinityeze This could be me.
@trinityeze I could have written the same thing 
nananreddy
New member
@fudge I never wanted to have kids until I met my husband. I had my daughter at 26 and I would absolutely do it again. I’m enjoying it so much more than I thought I would but she’s also an easy baby and I work full time at a job that I love.
I stayed home with her for her first year and it was much harder in my opinion.
I stayed home with her for her first year and it was much harder in my opinion.
@nananreddy Pretty much my story as well
abdurrashid
New member
@nananreddy Did you find it got easier after the first year or would it still be really hard if you were still home with her?
I have a 5 month old I am at home with and it's so hard
I have a 5 month old I am at home with and it's so hard
nananreddy
New member
@abdurrashid I think it was both things. I enjoy toddlerhood way more than the baby phase, but it’s also really hard staying home all day with toddlers. Their energy is just unparalleled. So I think the main thing that helped me was working again. Now when I stay home with her (like over Christmas break) I LOVE it because it’s a somewhat rare treat and I really cherish those days.
Sorry it’s hard right now! I see all the work you’re doing for your baby and you’re doing amazing!!
Sorry it’s hard right now! I see all the work you’re doing for your baby and you’re doing amazing!!
@fudge Yes... I only waver because if I'd known that covid was coming it might have changed things. I might have wanted to wait. I'm actually glad I got in right before it kicked off because i'll turn 35 this year and the fight between getting older and waiting out covid would be incredibly stressful.
I'm glad she's here, as shit as the timing has been.
I'm glad she's here, as shit as the timing has been.
@fudge I sacrificed a lot to get my son- ectopic pregnancies, a miscarriage, weight loss surgery, IVF. I wanted him with all of my being. He is my world. I am thrilled to be "mom."
But I echo the prior sentiment of being scared of the world I brought my son into. Climate change, rising political clashes between parties (Jan 6th, for example), and being older (36) and realizing how devastating humanity is on the planet itself. Like...I've added to the stress already maxing out the environment. I think about that a lot. What opportunities will my son have when he is my age? My husband and I have already had to make certain financial decisions (being OAD is partly one), in order to make sure he grows up semi comfortably and with the ability to go to college if he wants. Aside from that financial dedication, we will not be able to offer our son generational wealth or any kind of monetary boost. He will have to claw his way through this world (what's left of it), and I'm just not sure what kind of life that actually will be.
But I echo the prior sentiment of being scared of the world I brought my son into. Climate change, rising political clashes between parties (Jan 6th, for example), and being older (36) and realizing how devastating humanity is on the planet itself. Like...I've added to the stress already maxing out the environment. I think about that a lot. What opportunities will my son have when he is my age? My husband and I have already had to make certain financial decisions (being OAD is partly one), in order to make sure he grows up semi comfortably and with the ability to go to college if he wants. Aside from that financial dedication, we will not be able to offer our son generational wealth or any kind of monetary boost. He will have to claw his way through this world (what's left of it), and I'm just not sure what kind of life that actually will be.