@summit1983 As someone who is considering having kids…. Is it worth it? I don’t want my identity to go away. I want to still be me and a mom
Even After 4.5 Years, It's Still Exhausting
- Thread starter summit1983
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- single parents vent
summit1983
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@kansild For me, there are two kinds of moments in this world: moments that help us move and moments that help us evolve. The moments that help move us progress us forward, but the moments that help evolve us require an understanding that because the moment itself has taken place, what comes after it will now be fundamentally different.
Being a parent is the latter. It is a moment in a parent's life where they are fundamentally, and chemically, changed. From the moment you give birth, chemically, you are not the same person you were before you gave birth. There are new attachments. There are new ideologies. There are new senses that come alive, and all of this is outside the physical changes that take place.
You will no longer be the "you" that you currently are should you decide to become a mother. But, that doesn't mean that you will lose yourself completely. You will simply have the capability of figuring out who your new "person" is.
Being a parent is the latter. It is a moment in a parent's life where they are fundamentally, and chemically, changed. From the moment you give birth, chemically, you are not the same person you were before you gave birth. There are new attachments. There are new ideologies. There are new senses that come alive, and all of this is outside the physical changes that take place.
You will no longer be the "you" that you currently are should you decide to become a mother. But, that doesn't mean that you will lose yourself completely. You will simply have the capability of figuring out who your new "person" is.
@summit1983 Love your answer !!
@summit1983 If you went back in time would you make the same choice to become a parent ?
@summit1983 I hear you and you can tell me any time how exhausted you are. I wish that we could all be more supportive of each other. All parents, non parents, single parents, all of us. Some people just have this culture of either "my life is worse why are you complaining" or " parenting is amazing and perfect and if you complain you must not love your children". You can love your kids but also find them difficult. And other people can have challenges that you don't have but that doesn't make yours any less valid.
I'm serious if you even need someone to just hear you, you can message me.
I'm serious if you even need someone to just hear you, you can message me.
summit1983
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@sueg Thank you. I appreciate that more than I can currently verbalize. I don't know if it's the pandemic coupled with everything else, or if it has always been this exhausting it's just that the way it's tiresome has changed, but I just want to bang my head against a wall. I'm so tired of all the judgment and the ridicule and the standards and the murmurs. And for the longest time, I thought it was just me. I thought my son was going to live this lonely life simply because people didn't want to put up with me. But, the more I scroll and the more I read the more that I realize that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the way society has "commercialized" the idea of being a single parent.
It's wild out there.
It's wild out there.
jordanhesse
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@summit1983 I’m tired too…I get it 
summit1983
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@jordanhesse I'm so sorry that you get it, but you aren't alone in how you are feeling.
katrina2017
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@summit1983 Every time I say I’m tired to my mother she responds with all you do is sleep! Um no. All I do is take care of my baby so kiss my ass lol Why she thinks I sleep a lot I have no idea.
My point is, screw what other people think and their stupid comments. We can be tired.
My point is, screw what other people think and their stupid comments. We can be tired.
summit1983
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@katrina2017 The only way I stave off the exhaustion some days is sleeping and resting when my child is sleeping and resting.
katrina2017
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@summit1983 Me too. High five 
summit1983
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katrina2017
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@summit1983 We are strong we got this!
@summit1983 Sending you a hug as I toggle between this screen and the nest cam. My kid is supposed to be asleep but of course he’s battling bc my ex destroyed his sleep training.
summit1983
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@kf4zmt I will accept all of the hugs, and I send tight virtual hugs in return.
I feel the ex thing, though. We agree on a lot of things, but there are definitely things I have to help my kiddo with once he comes back to me after the summer. Like, his eating habits. And his snacking habits. And the expectations for what comes after school versus the cacophony of crazy he gets used to over the summer.
We've got this. You aren't as alone as you feel. I promise.
I feel the ex thing, though. We agree on a lot of things, but there are definitely things I have to help my kiddo with once he comes back to me after the summer. Like, his eating habits. And his snacking habits. And the expectations for what comes after school versus the cacophony of crazy he gets used to over the summer.
We've got this. You aren't as alone as you feel. I promise.
@summit1983 So much this. My kids are miracles - with my daughter, that after years of fertility treatment I was finally pregnant. With my son, that he was born twelve weeks premature but healthy now. I spent years longing for these children. I spent the worst day of my life not knowing if I’d be planning a homecoming or a funeral. My kids are miracles.
But even miracles can annoy the hell out of a person. Miracle #1 is now thirteen, and OMG the drama. Miracle #2 is autistic, everything is a struggle. And so unaware of his own body that he is loud, refuses to cut his hair, and a full bladder still doesn’t wake him up.
Of course I’m grateful for them. Wouldn’t give them up for anything. But I can still be tired when I’m stretched too thin. I can still feel angry when they push my buttons. The emotions can coexist.
But even miracles can annoy the hell out of a person. Miracle #1 is now thirteen, and OMG the drama. Miracle #2 is autistic, everything is a struggle. And so unaware of his own body that he is loud, refuses to cut his hair, and a full bladder still doesn’t wake him up.
Of course I’m grateful for them. Wouldn’t give them up for anything. But I can still be tired when I’m stretched too thin. I can still feel angry when they push my buttons. The emotions can coexist.
summit1983
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@ikimi100 My child was an accidental miracle as well. I was told my entire life I'd never be able to have kids, or that I would seriously struggle like my mom did to have them, because of a birth defect I have with my uterus. And then he came along and he flipped my world upside down in the best of waste.
But now he's eight, and he can talk, and I've heard him tell me that he hates me for the very first time, and I just...
UGH.
But now he's eight, and he can talk, and I've heard him tell me that he hates me for the very first time, and I just...
UGH.
nebulasoul
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@summit1983 Re: the folks that say "you chose:" you didn't choose to get pregnant alone. You are, however, taking on the full responsibility alone. A lifetime of it. Nice of them to notice.
They really do deserve some utterly choice words from you. Message me if you need a few.
Yoy are doing an incredible thing. A miracle, actually. You are. Be proud. Be exhausted, out loud.
Yeah, we had a squid esophagus in the laundrty once from a biology unit at school. I'm still glad I didn't check the pockets. Second hand stores are A godsend!
They really do deserve some utterly choice words from you. Message me if you need a few.
Yoy are doing an incredible thing. A miracle, actually. You are. Be proud. Be exhausted, out loud.
Yeah, we had a squid esophagus in the laundrty once from a biology unit at school. I'm still glad I didn't check the pockets. Second hand stores are A godsend!
summit1983
New member
@nebulasoul I will definitely take you up on that messaging offer if the mindset from last night ever comes back around again. And the same goes for you: if you ever need someone to rant at or listen to that understands, my inbox is open to you.
Really and truly.
Also, just one second: a squid esophagus!? Now I don't feel so bad about the crayon
though I wish I knew how to get crayon out of clothes. I've tried just about everything Google has told me to do, but nothing works. So now, my child has an ever-growing drawer of "outside and craft clothes."
Really and truly.
Also, just one second: a squid esophagus!? Now I don't feel so bad about the crayon
though I wish I knew how to get crayon out of clothes. I've tried just about everything Google has told me to do, but nothing works. So now, my child has an ever-growing drawer of "outside and craft clothes."disciple2011
New member
@summit1983 Yes indeed, high functioning autism of a 7 year old boy and a 5 year old boy mama
Im tired of getting up at 530 and fights to get dressed and tantrums over nothing and toys everywhere and the spills and the whines and the crying and the school meetings and having no food cause they eat too much and dads not being involved
Im so sleepy
Im tired of getting up at 530 and fights to get dressed and tantrums over nothing and toys everywhere and the spills and the whines and the crying and the school meetings and having no food cause they eat too much and dads not being involved
Im so sleepy