Dating as a Single Dad is Frustrating
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talkchrist
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@rosine I haven't been single as long as you, but for the time being I've said eff it in terms of dating. My ex cheated on me many times through our relationship and it ended with her saying she wasted her 20s by having kids early and felt I didn't do anything for them when we were together, tbf I had been working a literal ton and was a 24hr on call mobile mechanic as soon as I was far enough into my apprenticeship to run a truck by myself, I had switched jobs to fleet maintenance on a 5/5/4 shift rotation tube cause I was missing so much time with my boys and up til the point I found out the cheating was happening I was getting a lot better, it's been almost two years now since that mess she's been in 7ish relationships with progressively worse guys though I've been in 1, with another single parent who lived a few cities away, that ended because she decided she didn't want to have a long distance thing anymore and wanted me to move and I feel like I'm stuck where I'm at in the meantime until both my boys are a little older, was a tough pill to swallow but I can't just leave my kids high and dry like that, I have 50/50 custody of them and pay 1600 a month in child support (i make pretty good money and we have an agreement where we deduct any maintenance I do on her vehicles usually parts cost plus a flat rate so she's not getting completely raped by taking her car to get repairs done) but basically I came to the conclusion I'm better off single til my boys are a little older, it is what it is. The loneliness gets to me sometimes but renovating my house and doing little projects with my boys has helped a lot. And yeah op is right finding someone whose fine with the fact you have kids isn't exactly easy. Not impossible though.
@rosine If she didn’t have trouble dating then you shouldn’t be having trouble either. It’s not your kids, it’s something else.
Be realistic about your standards, most young women don’t want a man with kids. Make sure she’s age appropriate and looks matched to you. Don’t rush into talking about your child and also realize most dates don’t work out so don’t take it to heart
Be realistic about your standards, most young women don’t want a man with kids. Make sure she’s age appropriate and looks matched to you. Don’t rush into talking about your child and also realize most dates don’t work out so don’t take it to heart
munkustrap
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graceisgraceworksareworks
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darkstar60
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@rosine I’m sorry that dating has been tough. As someone who had divorced parents, thank you for putting your daughter first. You both deserve the respect of having someone who wants you both as you are.
You sound like my late bf. He was a fantastic dad and didn’t let people around the kids unless it was getting serious. His kids were 15 and 10 when I met them and I loved them like they were my own. Miss them all the time. You deserve an awesome woman who will love your whole family like you do. I know it can be hard to find and dating is pretty terrible sometimes. I don’t have a lot of advice but just wanted to encourage you but acknowledge that it sucks seeing other people finding relationships. Hoping you find an awesome person to add to your life soon
You sound like my late bf. He was a fantastic dad and didn’t let people around the kids unless it was getting serious. His kids were 15 and 10 when I met them and I loved them like they were my own. Miss them all the time. You deserve an awesome woman who will love your whole family like you do. I know it can be hard to find and dating is pretty terrible sometimes. I don’t have a lot of advice but just wanted to encourage you but acknowledge that it sucks seeing other people finding relationships. Hoping you find an awesome person to add to your life soon
katrina2017
New member
@rosine I have 3 kids and I'm not even 25 yet. My ex started dating some new guy not even 2 weeks after we split and even now two years later I'm still single and fighting her in the divorce so I feel your pain, I've tried too and it just doesn't work. Just focus on yourself and your daughter it's better that way
@rosine Honestly, I get it and think you’re making the right choice. If they can not handle that your child (special needs or not) needs more of your time and attention then they do, especially at the beginning when they are total strangers to you, then quite frankly you don’t need them around.
Tbh these types situations are why I have stopped trying and have been single for more years than I’d like to admit lol
Tbh these types situations are why I have stopped trying and have been single for more years than I’d like to admit lol
@rosine Sounds like my situation only I have 3 kids all above the age of 6, with one being a teenager. Everywhere I go I hear whispers. “She’s a gold digger” “She just wants some guy to take care of her kids”. Single Dads dating me? Forget it because they much rather a girl with no kids or a single mom who’s got no more than one if the kid is young.
Then I have my inboxes flooded with dick pics and guys just looking to hook up with a milf. I’m tired of hearing it all and have just accepted that I am going to do this alone and that I don’t need to date anyone to be happy. Yeah it sucks and I miss it but it’s not worth all the wasted effort and energy.
Then I have my inboxes flooded with dick pics and guys just looking to hook up with a milf. I’m tired of hearing it all and have just accepted that I am going to do this alone and that I don’t need to date anyone to be happy. Yeah it sucks and I miss it but it’s not worth all the wasted effort and energy.
@rosine Was dating ever easy? If it was, you were one of the lucky ones.
But agreed that as we get older, the pool of potential partners decrease just due to the nature of our society. Then as you said, it does get smaller with other circumstances like being divorced and having a child already.
I am a widowed dad. Took me several years after my wife's death to want to even date again. But I did make it absolutely clear in my dating profile that I am widowed and have a young child. It's because if that is considered "baggage" by a woman, I just don't want to waste my/her time matching with each other.
The benefit of the dating apps is in itself the problem: the barrier to entry is "free" or anyone with a smartphone so you get to "meet" people you would never meet in real life just by chance. So you get "access" to thousands of people/profiles at the palm of your hand. Yet because it's free, everyone whose anyone will be on the apps swiping not with the real intent to date but just because it passes the time. Maybe if they match with someone they like the dopamine hit or whatever but they never actually intend to go out on dates.
Frankly, I actually think single moms get vilified way more by men than single dads do by women. Good women generally tend to like men who are good dads.
But agreed that as we get older, the pool of potential partners decrease just due to the nature of our society. Then as you said, it does get smaller with other circumstances like being divorced and having a child already.
I am a widowed dad. Took me several years after my wife's death to want to even date again. But I did make it absolutely clear in my dating profile that I am widowed and have a young child. It's because if that is considered "baggage" by a woman, I just don't want to waste my/her time matching with each other.
The benefit of the dating apps is in itself the problem: the barrier to entry is "free" or anyone with a smartphone so you get to "meet" people you would never meet in real life just by chance. So you get "access" to thousands of people/profiles at the palm of your hand. Yet because it's free, everyone whose anyone will be on the apps swiping not with the real intent to date but just because it passes the time. Maybe if they match with someone they like the dopamine hit or whatever but they never actually intend to go out on dates.
Frankly, I actually think single moms get vilified way more by men than single dads do by women. Good women generally tend to like men who are good dads.
seanmichelson
New member
@rosine NOPE...it's not a YOU problem and you don't need your EX's 'blessing' to meet someone new.
I'm 42 and have run in to the same problems as you describe. My boy is 3 1/2. His mom left me just after his first birthday because she wanted a new guy...that came to our son's birthday party. How nice... Then she was out of here and straight in to his house, but anyway.
It took me 11 months to find someone and she got pissed about it and went off the handle, meanwhile loving her new life with her new guy. That relationship only lasted 3 months.
Since then it's been constant rejection or just flat out being ignored. Out of the many women I've tried to communicate with, only a very few responded and most of those once they found out I'm a single dad, GONE. I'm always up front, I don't hide him. Like you, my child is priority. I take care of him a lot, he's with me a lot.
I've tried meeting someone online and in real life and always come up empty. Online is mostly just scammers, spammers, picture sellers, prostitutes, people wanting you to buy their only fans crap and the one here and there that seems to be real will only communicate a few short sentences and then ghosts. One accused me of being deceptive right out of the gate because I said I have a couple of places, one in one part of the state and one in another part. That's "deceptive". Well...I do, but I guess a man isn't allowed to own two places? She never spoke to me again. Some people, like her, are very judgemental and form conclusions with no information to base it on. You can speak absolute truth and be called out for it, then rejected. Welcome to dating! I'm sure they're doing that to you too.
In real life, they're just as bad it seems. I tried hard to get a relationship going with someone I've known for some 15 years. I've known her son since he was a baby and would take care of him as if he were mine own and she knows it, but nope, she won't do it because she's so hung up on an ex who treated her like trash and dumped her. Ok, whatever.
Another I started talking with, she's also a single parent. We have quite a lot in common. We talked a lot about things for a couple of weeks or so and then out of the blue she said, "I don't want to be with anybody". Ok, so what was the point of the last two weeks? Why did you ask questions that someone who was interested would ask?
Another agreed to go out for a meal with me. I've known her probably 20 years, but then she backed out citing that we don't have much in common. What's that got to do with let's just go somewhere and have a meal?
So NO..IT'S NOT A YOU THING!! I've seen other people running in to the same type of thing. The dating pool is rough. It seems that women, even single moms don't want or are scared of, (I dunno what) of being with someone who will treat them good, will support them, love them and take care of them and who wants a family life. They just don't want that life no matter what they say. They talk the talk, but won't walk the walk.
Another thing I see are women who claim that are so tired of guys that just want to get in to their pants or who just want naked pictures. Well, they don't want a guy who respects them either and who just wants to take them out on a date and see if something might spark.
However if you were a career criminal, drug addict, woman abuser who ignores his child(ren), they'd be head over heals for you. It's drama and then they can complain to their friends for some sympathy.
Finding a decent woman who has her head on straight these days is a rarity, that's for sure!
Keep on being a good dad! Being a dad is the most important thing in the world.
I'm 42 and have run in to the same problems as you describe. My boy is 3 1/2. His mom left me just after his first birthday because she wanted a new guy...that came to our son's birthday party. How nice... Then she was out of here and straight in to his house, but anyway.
It took me 11 months to find someone and she got pissed about it and went off the handle, meanwhile loving her new life with her new guy. That relationship only lasted 3 months.
Since then it's been constant rejection or just flat out being ignored. Out of the many women I've tried to communicate with, only a very few responded and most of those once they found out I'm a single dad, GONE. I'm always up front, I don't hide him. Like you, my child is priority. I take care of him a lot, he's with me a lot.
I've tried meeting someone online and in real life and always come up empty. Online is mostly just scammers, spammers, picture sellers, prostitutes, people wanting you to buy their only fans crap and the one here and there that seems to be real will only communicate a few short sentences and then ghosts. One accused me of being deceptive right out of the gate because I said I have a couple of places, one in one part of the state and one in another part. That's "deceptive". Well...I do, but I guess a man isn't allowed to own two places? She never spoke to me again. Some people, like her, are very judgemental and form conclusions with no information to base it on. You can speak absolute truth and be called out for it, then rejected. Welcome to dating! I'm sure they're doing that to you too.
In real life, they're just as bad it seems. I tried hard to get a relationship going with someone I've known for some 15 years. I've known her son since he was a baby and would take care of him as if he were mine own and she knows it, but nope, she won't do it because she's so hung up on an ex who treated her like trash and dumped her. Ok, whatever.
Another I started talking with, she's also a single parent. We have quite a lot in common. We talked a lot about things for a couple of weeks or so and then out of the blue she said, "I don't want to be with anybody". Ok, so what was the point of the last two weeks? Why did you ask questions that someone who was interested would ask?
Another agreed to go out for a meal with me. I've known her probably 20 years, but then she backed out citing that we don't have much in common. What's that got to do with let's just go somewhere and have a meal?
So NO..IT'S NOT A YOU THING!! I've seen other people running in to the same type of thing. The dating pool is rough. It seems that women, even single moms don't want or are scared of, (I dunno what) of being with someone who will treat them good, will support them, love them and take care of them and who wants a family life. They just don't want that life no matter what they say. They talk the talk, but won't walk the walk.
Another thing I see are women who claim that are so tired of guys that just want to get in to their pants or who just want naked pictures. Well, they don't want a guy who respects them either and who just wants to take them out on a date and see if something might spark.
However if you were a career criminal, drug addict, woman abuser who ignores his child(ren), they'd be head over heals for you. It's drama and then they can complain to their friends for some sympathy.
Finding a decent woman who has her head on straight these days is a rarity, that's for sure!
Keep on being a good dad! Being a dad is the most important thing in the world.
@rosine When I was about 16 my stepmom left my dad , they had been together since I was little. The years that followed were INSANE. I had only been seeing my dad EOW mg entire life and he wasn’t a big part of my life or frankly very nice. His new wife- she sent him to jail one day because he threw his hat at her when she said if you want to have a relationship with your daughter I will just kill her. They worked things out and are still together… in therapy I realize I have immense issues from having a father who never ever put me first and always chose his relationship or whatever woman he was with instead of me and my brother. You are doing something good for your child.
On the other hand I understand the frustration - I am a single mom - 5 and 10. I literally don’t understand how people find the time to date and balance their lives. I haven’t had a free weekend in probably 9 weeks and when I do I’m going to spend it catching up on laundry and cleaning. It gives me low level anxiety to think about how much time/ effort it would take to start a relationship and get to know someone.
On the other hand I understand the frustration - I am a single mom - 5 and 10. I literally don’t understand how people find the time to date and balance their lives. I haven’t had a free weekend in probably 9 weeks and when I do I’m going to spend it catching up on laundry and cleaning. It gives me low level anxiety to think about how much time/ effort it would take to start a relationship and get to know someone.
goldencross
New member
untoanemerald
New member
@rosine The struggle is real. 43M, one child. I’ve tried sparingly to date, was never actually found and had a gf for a while last spring/summer. She was also a single parent whose kid was older than mine.
But there was an incompatibility issue there, primarily because I’m very reserved about who my daughter meets and gets to know, and the lady friend wasn’t. She was gung ho to bring everyone together day 1 and create ourselves a blended family unit and I just wasn’t. I put my child’s interests before myself, and that is not in her best interest.
But there was an incompatibility issue there, primarily because I’m very reserved about who my daughter meets and gets to know, and the lady friend wasn’t. She was gung ho to bring everyone together day 1 and create ourselves a blended family unit and I just wasn’t. I put my child’s interests before myself, and that is not in her best interest.