Just need to vent. I'm a WFH Dad, married to a SAHM. We have a 5yo, 2yo and one due in a couple months. Homeschooling the 5yo.
She was in the workforce pre-kids. But she wanted to be a SAHM. My earning potential is 3-5x hers because of our diff fields, and I laid a solid financial base before we had kids, so it was no big deal for me to have her leave the workforce.
I think I do a decent job sharing the mental load. She definitely handles the majority, but I'm participative and not an additional child. I do 100% of dishes, 90% of laundry, bulk of the cleaning, prob 30-50% of food prep. I know most of the likes/dislikes, and all the medical/allergies stuff. She regularly expresses appreciation for what I do.
My trigger is phones/screens. We are low screens with our kids, we're in agreement on that.
But I think we need to be good role models of screens now bc one day our kids will have phones, and how addicted we are will affect how our kids interact with them.
When it's just my wife and I, we'll just mutually agree to zone out on our phones. Whatever, I'm good with that. When I'm on deck with the kids, I struggle, but I'm mindful to be present and try to keep it out of my hands and away from my face so that I intentionally engage with them more.
When my wife is on deck (admittedly the majority of the time), she is glued to her phone at the table for meals, on the couch doing school (like in between lessons, she pauses and unpauses her video as 5 interrupts that she's done), while they free play. And when she's so distracted, they come and interrupt my work more.
Admittedly, she's had a rough pregnancy. She's uncomfortable, and on a prior convo where I broached my concern about the phone use, she's said that she intentionally dissociates to take her mind off of the pain.
But I'm so sick of having such a messy and unkempt house that she's surprised about bc her face was in her phone while our 2yo made another mess. I think I could handle the mess a little better if I wasn't the one constantly finding these things (and in plain sight, in the kitchen, not like hidden in his room).
She's very sensitive and reactive to this topic, so I pick my battles. I've tried to be very gentle, respectful, non-accusatory, using "I feel..." statements.
I just hate this. She wants to have more kids, or at least wait a year or two before we make the decision to have another. I'm just ready to call it, finding a less-blunt way to say "if this life is so boring to you that you are so frequently checked out, I'm getting snipped."
Thanks for letting me vent guys. Just typing this all out helped.
She was in the workforce pre-kids. But she wanted to be a SAHM. My earning potential is 3-5x hers because of our diff fields, and I laid a solid financial base before we had kids, so it was no big deal for me to have her leave the workforce.
I think I do a decent job sharing the mental load. She definitely handles the majority, but I'm participative and not an additional child. I do 100% of dishes, 90% of laundry, bulk of the cleaning, prob 30-50% of food prep. I know most of the likes/dislikes, and all the medical/allergies stuff. She regularly expresses appreciation for what I do.
My trigger is phones/screens. We are low screens with our kids, we're in agreement on that.
But I think we need to be good role models of screens now bc one day our kids will have phones, and how addicted we are will affect how our kids interact with them.
When it's just my wife and I, we'll just mutually agree to zone out on our phones. Whatever, I'm good with that. When I'm on deck with the kids, I struggle, but I'm mindful to be present and try to keep it out of my hands and away from my face so that I intentionally engage with them more.
When my wife is on deck (admittedly the majority of the time), she is glued to her phone at the table for meals, on the couch doing school (like in between lessons, she pauses and unpauses her video as 5 interrupts that she's done), while they free play. And when she's so distracted, they come and interrupt my work more.
Admittedly, she's had a rough pregnancy. She's uncomfortable, and on a prior convo where I broached my concern about the phone use, she's said that she intentionally dissociates to take her mind off of the pain.
But I'm so sick of having such a messy and unkempt house that she's surprised about bc her face was in her phone while our 2yo made another mess. I think I could handle the mess a little better if I wasn't the one constantly finding these things (and in plain sight, in the kitchen, not like hidden in his room).
She's very sensitive and reactive to this topic, so I pick my battles. I've tried to be very gentle, respectful, non-accusatory, using "I feel..." statements.
I just hate this. She wants to have more kids, or at least wait a year or two before we make the decision to have another. I'm just ready to call it, finding a less-blunt way to say "if this life is so boring to you that you are so frequently checked out, I'm getting snipped."
Thanks for letting me vent guys. Just typing this all out helped.