@ckmervin The interaction with peers is also super important. It is very difficult to find a well adjusted home schooler. Mostly because it's hard to do home schooling correctly. There's a good reason people go to school for at least 5 years to become teachers.
@maggiebells Yeah, if you can afford to outsource aspects of your life that you need help with, do it. I understand wanting to be self sufficient and frugal, but not at the cost of your mental health.
@tobyharba Honestly would be worried about the type of education she is providing the 5 year old with what you have shared here, being an educator is very difficult. Maybe rethink utilizing public schools.
@tobyharba Maybe get out of the house so it doesn’t bother you so much. You said she’s having a difficult pregnancy, so I wouldn’t judge her for dealing with it the way she is. Being pregnant and schooling a child while also keeping track of a toddler is a ton. Try having some perspective about what is important at this chaotic moment in time. (It’s probably the health and survival of your pregnant wife an unborn baby)
@jeremylovesjesus I think this is the best advice here. I am struggling to take it seriously with the user name but hot damn. I’m in a similar situation, wife is pregnant and is on her phone a lot, I’m with our 2 year old more than she is as a result and when she is with him is on her phone a lot, I’m trying so so hard to be empathetic and understanding, but it’s hard. But pregnancy is wild. It is atypical behaviour for her, so I chalk it up to a coping mechanism.
@tobyharba A lot of the times, watching your kid or kids requires presence and physical involvement, but not a lot of mental involvement. When it's hour after hour, day after day, it can get pretty boring. Kid tasks just don't take up a ton of space in adult brains a lot of the time. I'd suggest audiobooks or podcasts or something. Keep the adult brain occupied, but in a non visible way that still allows you (her) to be present and interactive.
@tobyharba This is an impossible battle to win during pregnancy. Lick your wounds and press it a bit more at a later time.
That said, phones and tablets can be an actual addiction, and this is a battle you will likely be fighting for the ongoing future. It will never be “won”. I know that my family has the same issues and it can be really difficult to break the cycle.
@tobyharba Could you afford $100 every two weeks for a cleaner to come and tidy up? It’s helped my stress immensely and my partners too.
Also getting an Apple Watch and leaving my phone on the charger has helped me be more present. I know that I haven’t missed any texts or notifications but I’m not tempted to open up instagram when it’s not just in my pocket. It might help your wife too. We all struggle with technology addiction in this country so just try to be kind to your wife, I’m sure she wants to be the best mom but are brains are wired in ways we can’t control and it’s hard to build those healthy habits sometimes.
@katrina2017 I moved away from a smart watch because it added an extra distraction. I'd used one for years before having a kid, then once she was around I just wanted to distance myself from thinking about what's on my phone. So I swapped to an anologue watch, and haven't looked back.
I'm sure it works for a lot of people, but I would see the notification, then have the constant urge to do something about it and go on my phone. Without I can go hours without even noticing the occassional buzz in my pocket, but I know it's there and noticeable if I get an urgent call or something.
@tobyharba In my experience people turn to their phones when they’re exhausted mentally. And being 7 months pregnant when you already have a 5 and 2 yo sounds like nightmare fuel to me.
@tobyharba So I’m not a woman but I am a Sahd. I’m a sad sahd. I will tell you that I’m that person who can’t get off their phone. The issue is simple- I don’t do anything all day and have nothing to talk about and not enough friends willing to shoot the shit with me. Reddit helps me socialize.
After pregnancy is over, make a deal with her. You’ll watch the kids and let her go out with friends once a weekend if she stops using the phone all the time at home. I bet you it will work.
@tobyharba I’m the stay at home dad and my wife works outside the house 12-14hours a day and some weeks travels too so I’m full time dad. I had a tolerance for my kids and once it has been surpassed I need the distraction of my phone so I put myself in time out. After 10-15 minutes I can get back to business.
@cameronreagan We are a "no technology at the table" household.
No TV, no devices, no laptops, etc.
We began by putting our devices in a basket or on the counter away from the table as part of "setting the table." Now, admittedly, we don't use the basket but the expectation is the same.
Unless you too want to rip your pee hole bigger and get matching episiotomy stitches out of solidarity....i say, let her do what she does while she carries 100% of the baby creation workload.
We have maybe 7 total minutes of physical "work" to make the baby. Gents, you'll be fine. Just make the 9 months + 9 months after as smooth as you can.
@hunterjack Being pregnant is not license to do whatever the fuck you want. It's certainly not license to state at your phone while you eat dinner with your family.
@cameronreagan It's not a license to do whatever you want. Her job is to grow the baby and keep it safe and healthy by being the only nutrient source, provider of blood, and an environment to build their literal body.
Being on your phone at dinner is not that big of a deal. Let it slide. When the baby comes, neither of them will have time to even have the "luxury" of phones.
@cameronreagan It absolutely is, wtf are you talking about? It’s a constant discomfort that is on par with chemotherapy or chronic pain case. Her body is basically in emergency mode for months. She can do whatever the fuck makes her even 1% more comfortable.
