Birth story: unplanned c-section. Help me understand what happened. (TW: birth trauma)

[ant2011]

@boby777 I’m sorry things turned out this way for you . Birth is so difficult and the whole “it’s natural” narrative drives me bonkers. It’s so hard to make decisions in a situation where you are in pain, exhausted, overwhelmed and rushed. Is it possible for you to make an appointment with the OB who cared for you to do a birth review/debrief? Sometimes they can be really helpful, to have an opportunity to ask questions and review the decision making process.

 

[praisethelord55]

@boby777 Your birth experience sounds very similar to my first. Almost everything you described happened to me also.
The difference is they chose to try the vacuum first before they sent me in for the c section. The vacuum can only be administered 3 times and then you get sent right in for the C section. The vacuum worked on the third try so no c section. It was extremely traumatic and I believe I have PTSD from it (my baby is fine now thank god). But just like you I searched for answers as to what to went wrong for a long time. I believed they should have given me a c section sooner. I also read through my files and read that my baby’s cord was twice wrapped around her neck so I wondered if possibly she wasn’t able to descend enough to deliver?
It has really helped to talk about my experience with others. My doula actually went to therapy afterwards too because it was so traumatic. It’s been almost two years and I still don’t fully understand what happened but since then I had another baby and it was a wonderful experience, nothing like the first and honestly so healing. I know it’s awful right now but it does get easier to deal with. Therapy or new mom groups help. Just telling your story helps.

 

[ashish_nanda]

@boby777 I have given birth 4 times and each time I shiver uncontrollably, puke and then baby comes!
I also have a genetic mutation that makes my hip bone and my tailbone fuse together and so I can only push in certain positions, unfortunately I didn’t learn this until baby #3 and dr didn’t care about it during baby #4 and so I did have some complications but hopefully baby #5 will be the one to give insight into what works and what doesn’t in case anyone else I know has this same issue.

 

[miller541]

@boby777 Hey, this was not your fault! I had a similar outcome with my first and I hated it. Pushed for 3 hours, baby made no progress. Needed a C-section, I was exhausted after laboring with painful contractions so long and it was the last thing I wanted to do but I accepted defeat. Also nearly vomited/passed out during the procedure. The meds can do that to you! Whole thing was not fun at all. I was a touch bitter about it for years.

Two years later I got pregnant with my second. I was determined to have a better experience. Then, at 30 weeks, for unknown reasons I went into early labor and everything went haywire. I went from 0 to 10 cm in maybe an hour. I was lucky to make it to the hospital! And when the OB checked, he could see baby’s head. So, there I am about to birth a little 30 weeker who is literally about to shoot out of me. Doctor breaks my water and wouldn’t you know it, baby retracts and just like my first, makes NO progress. I was offered to labor for a while but I said no, let’s go to a C-section. This baby is too fragile to put him through that.

Anyway, I accepted that my body just can’t get the baby last my pubic bone. I think I have a flat-ish pubic bone, but not sure. And my second C-section was so much easier because I didn’t labor for as long and I also knew exactly what to expect. And I don’t know if it was the experience of already being a mom to a toddler, but I felt very decisive. My job was to get him out via the safest means for both him and me. That just happens to be surgically for whatever reason.

For what it’s worth, my little 30 weeker had bruising on his head from when he got stuck. I’m glad we went for the C-section because clearly he couldn’t make it through. It’s not a failure on your part - you did everything you needed to, including enduring a crappy surgery and recovery, to bring your baby here. And there is no shame in scheduling a C-section next time. While my second wasn’t scheduled, it was a much much better experience because I wasn’t exhausted and sleep deprived from hours and hours of labor. I felt present, strong, and my recovery was easier. I did get nauseous again but I was able to communicate it quickly and they pushed me some anti nausea meds and made me comfortable.

I’ll just repeat - you did it all the way you should have!! You did perfectly in fact.

 

[jmose]

@boby777 I had the similar experience 19 days back i can totally get you .the difference is i pushed 4 hrs with a vaginal tear and the baby didnt move position . I didnt feel any happiness when the baby was finally born after c section . My doctor was very rude and gave me like 1 hr to decide ,overall a traumatic birth experience ..

 

[sonedski]

@boby777 This sounds very similar to my experience with my first. After I was cut open the doctors decided that, oh yeah, a baby would never fit through my pelvis the way it was shaped. Idk how they couldn’t figure that out before.

 

[ljruff]

@boby777 OP, don't beat yourself up.

I have 4 kids. The first 3 took maybe 5 minutes of pushing, and generally I am dead silent other than a gasp or squeak while pushing. So for my 4th labor, the doctor was ready as soon as I hit 10cm, the nurses were ready, my husband and I were gearing up to meet the little guy in a few minutes. I should have known something was wrong when my first induction failed and the second took nearly 3 days.

I pushed for 2 hours in all manner of positions, oxygen mask on, playing tug of war with a nurse to try and get my baby out. I was groaning like a beast, and this baby would not budge. Doctor tried suction. Nope, not moving. Everyone was getting ready for a C-section, but my doctor was older and believed he could get my little guy out with forceps. So after nearly 2.5 hours, baby was pulled out via forceps. He had been in a terrible position, his shoulder got stuck, his APGAR was 1. His little face was bruised and he had one red eye from a burst blood vessel. Now he's a big fat 4 month old, happy and healthy as can be.

I doubt you didn't push hard enough. I know I pushed like I was trying to birth a moon, and I had done it before with a much bigger baby, and he just didn't want to descend. It's not your fault, I doubt there was anything you could have done differently. Sometimes things just don't align properly.

 

[bgus88]

@boby777 Bad things happen every second of every day and you can’t control any of them. There is nothing you could have done, or could do in the future, to prevent this. These things just happen.

 

[supersil]

@bgus88 Yes they do

 

[dire36]

@boby777 You did nothing wrong! I too had to have an unplanned csection. My son was born on 12/16 and he was sunny side up and got stuck on my pelvic bone. After 2.5 hours of pushing, it was time for a C-section. I felt like a failure too. Sometimes things just happen and it’s okay. You and baby are healthy strong amazing people.

 

[supersil]

@boby777 Please be grateful that your daughter is here and healthy! That’s all that should matter. Birth expectations are way too high.

 

[sheilal]

@supersil A healthy baby is the bare minimum. It’s very invalidating of women’s experiences to say: you shouldn’t be upset and traumatized by your birth if you have a living baby. We should aim for women to leave birth physically and emotionally well. And if that isn’t happening because of a broken medical system is should be fixed not accepted.

 

[supersil]

@sheilal I wouldn’t say this was caused by a broken medical system? They were trying and it wasn’t working out. I’m just saying that as my advice. Being grateful for what you have can help with anxiety as someone who suffers with it as well.

 

[sheilal]

@supersil Broadly, the medical system is broken in terms of birth. The rates of obstetric violence prove that. I’m not saying OP experienced obstetric violence of course but it is far too common.

 

[supersil]

@sheilal Ok….

 

[dupuismon]

@supersil It sounds like OP is grateful her daughter is here and healthy. It also sounds like her c-section was pretty traumatic. Both can be true. Her feelings absolutely matter a lot.

 

[supersil]

@dupuismon Of course. But many people aren’t as lucky. Therapy is good but being grateful is so important for anxiety. Coming from someone with anxiety and who has taught herself how to handle it, it can always be worse. This is life and this is how we grow. I’m so happy OP and her daughter are here and experiencing life with us

 

[mich1]

@boby777 Did they sit you up and have you labor down before you started pushing? Did they make you push on your back or help you get into different positions to see if that helped? Pushing while laying on your back is one of the hardest positions to birth a baby because gravity is working against you. Sometimes you have to flip side to side or hands and knees. I know some hospitals are pretty strict about you being on your back while pushing, that’s one of the many reasons I decided on an assisted homebirth late in my 3rd pregnancy. I know with an epidural it’s hard for you to move into different positions but the nurses should’ve helped you do that if you couldn’t feel your legs. My first 2 pregnancies I pushed my babies out within 20 minutes but with my last one I was pushing for over an hour and had to change positions many times until I found the right one and he came right out. Had I been in a hospital instead of at home with my midwives I’m pretty sure I would’ve been forced into a c section because he wouldn’t have came out had I been forced to stay on my back. Interventions that they do in hospitals definitely can make pushing a lot harder too. Also, I know it’s easy to feel guilty for not immediately wanting to hold your baby and feeling upset and overwhelmed when everyone else talks about a “love at first sight” feeling but it’s actually fairly common. I remember after I had my first child I was so exhausted from being induced and in labor for 24 hours that I just wanted to go to sleep. I kept thinking to myself what did I get myself into while she was crying on my chest. I didn’t feel happy, I just felt overwhelmed and thought I’d be a horrible mother because I didn’t bond with her as soon as she came out. But of course after a nap I felt much better and was able to bond with her. Your feelings are 100% valid, give yourself time to feel them and process everything without guilt.

 

[boby777]

@mich1 Yes, the nurses helped me into a variety of positions to push. I kept waiting for the urge to push to kick in, but it never came so I just pushed with the contractions. If anything I wish I could have waited to push until I got that urge, but who knows if I ever would have?

Thank you for your kind words about the guilt. Thankfully the bonding feelings kicked in after I left the OR, but during the surgery I was so focused on managing my panic attack and vomiting that there was no way I could do anything else.

 

[md15668]

@boby777 I have given birth to five children and never felt the urge to push. Some women just never feel that. That it takes you a while to recover before you can start bonding is also completely normal.