Birth story: unplanned c-section. Help me understand what happened. (TW: birth trauma)

[seamuskaxen]

@boby777 OP, i'm so sorry you went through this. My experience was EXACTLY the same. I never got the urge because my baby was not descended enough. My baby was turning to the back, so he wasn't in the right position to descend. I pushed for three hours nonstop, the nurses said I was pushing well. I was exhausted. And then the doctor told me we should talk about a c-section. I asked for a vacuum, they said my canal was too narrow to use it. I'm not going to lie, I sometimes ask myself "what would have happened if I would have waited and tried again in a couple of hours?". The truth is that we don't know. Maybe he would have descended, maybe the baby would have been put under a lot more stress and been born with complications.

Take your time to mourn the birth you did not get. But look at your very happy and healthy baby, and know you did whatever you could, with what you knew at the time. This will pass. It has been almost a year for me, and I am feeling so much better about it. I no longer shake when thinking about it

Best of luck!

 

[ffsstc]

@boby777 You did not have a panic attack. Vomiting and shaking can be a part of labor.

 

[boby777]

@ffsstc I am a therapist and well aware of what constitutes a panic attack. I know that I had one. The vomiting and shaking were just other symptoms that contributed to my distress.

 

[colelr]

@boby777 In my opinion and this is just an opinion because I am in no way a medical professional, getting your water broken manually and starting pitocin was probably start of the cascade of interventions that lead to c-section.

Nothing is your fault, please don’t feel that way. Find a therapist to process your trauma so you can enjoy this time with your daughter.

 

[jidalbc]

@boby777 The baby's position, like facing up, down, sideways etc. which you have a little impact on, can make a huge impact on whether or not you need a section.

 

[nathanlehe]

@boby777 I don't think anything can prepare you for the unpredictable nature of childbirth. I'd recommend contacting your hospital and asking for a debrief, where a midwife will go through everything with you and you can ask as many questions as you want.

You did amazing and it was a huge success!

 

[m5comp]

@boby777 I had similar kind of surgical experience and postpartum feelings with my first child. My factors were different (didn’t get fully dilated, and he was a big one, sunny side up) but I still felt kind of… why?? About the whole thing. Unfortunately I never really got answers to that. I’m not sure we can ever know for sure. Certainly none of us who were not there, though I really empathize with how badly your brain wants to understand what happened so you can make peace with it.

I would recommend several things - first, try to find some comfort in the idea that if this absolutely has to happen this way for whatever reason, medicine was there to see you and the baby both alive. Second, whether you know the cause or not, it may not go the same way if you decide to have another. It’s okay to try to let go of what it all means for the future, at least for now, you have a lot on your plate right now. And lastly, when you feel ready, I really recommend talking to a therapist that does trauma work or even birth trauma specifically.

Sending you so much love, these are hard feelings.

 

[derekc11]

@boby777 First of all, I’m so sorry for your experience. And I’m holding space for your story and the trauma you experienced.

I had a similar experience, except my infection was caught about 9 hours before I began pushing and after my labor had stalled for hours. They had me on antibiotics for a while and monitored baby’s (rising) heart rate. I was then rushed to an emergency c-section as well, where my oxygen levels crashed and I was kept in the PACU for 8 hours post-surgery. It was incredibly traumatic.

I had the opportunity to talk to my OB about the experience, which was helpful. They also gave me some resources about birth trauma and postpartum therapy. I screened positive for PPD at my 6-week appointment, and I attribute much of that to my birth experience.

If possible, I’d encourage you to reach out to your OB to discuss further. And seek therapy or discussing with another licensed professional, if you’re comfortable. Sending you love

 

[christiansambodhi]

@boby777 I can completely relate dilated to a 10 in a matter of 12 hours baby was Sunnyside up. I pushed for three hours doctor came in mentioned C-section. I said let me try a little bit longer pushed for another hour and a half and she didn’t move her head was too big to fit through my pelvic bone got rolled into my C-section. I was shaking and chattering the entire time. I’ve never been so anxious in my life, all in all I’m 3 1/2 months in and I agree my birth was also traumatic but being this far away from that date, I’ve completely forgot about the pain and the trauma that I experienced I remember it but it’s not. It’s no longer damp my birth story, and I’m proud that she’s here happy and healthy even though it didn’t go the way that I wanted it to For VBAC in the future

 

[manatus22]

@boby777 Family doctor here! I do not know your exact situation because I wasn’t there but I can give some general insight. In many cases when there is an infection in the uterus (chorioamnionitis aka chorio) during labor it causes the uterus to be less coordinated and overall less able to contract. The infections can happen to anyone but are more likely to happen with excessive checks after your water breaks or with going over 18 hours without giving birth once your water breaks. Neither of those are your fault, and if neither of those happened it’s still not your fault. The longer you go with the infection the uterus gets less and less able to contract strongly, this can change in a matter of hours. It also causes the fetal heart rate to go high which is a sign of distress and can show that baby is being affected by the infection. Many OBs I’ve worked with prefer to do a c section on the early side with chorio due to increased risks of fetal distress as well as risks of excessive bleeding during surgery again because the uterus does not contract well when infected and that can cause serious hemorrhaging. Again, this is all just some context based on what the body and baby generally go through in these situations, not medical advice for anyone.
Your OB can give you more specific information based on your case, but c section due to failure to progress/fetal intolerance in the setting of chorio is not something I’ve personally ever seen be a reason to avoid vbac. Definitely ask your OB if they think you would be a good vbac candidate and why/why not. For example, my OB told me right after my c section I’d be a great vbac candidate because my little guy just did not tolerate labor due to IUGR/placental insufficiency - we never got anywhere close to pushing.

 

[henrystrange]

@boby777 This same exact thing happened to me. I don’t want to unpack it but I can tell you that it was absolutely NOT your fault, the medical model is just not set up for the mother’s success in these cases. There are so many more ways they could have supported you other than pitocin and breaking the water. I’m guessing you were pushing laying on your back?

But if there is one thing you should take from my comment: do NOT think for one second you can’t have a VBAC. You absolutely can. Find a supportive midwife and doula, consider a birth center or home birth. Midwives are also medical professionals. You can do this.

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

 

[my_name]

@boby777 I had a very similar birthing experience! I pushed for 2 hours and he hardly descended. It was very quickly that they decided I needed to go for a section as he was showing distress.

Ultimately, I was bummed that I couldn’t deliver vaginally like I planned. However, I was so grateful that they moved so quickly to make sure he was safe (and myself).

For a long time I was really bitter about the whole c section experience, especially since recovery is so hard on you.

You’ll come to terms with it eventually, don’t be so hard on yourself. You tried SO hard. And that’s all you can ask of yourself in these situations.

 

[yunawriter]

@boby777 From what you’ve said, it definitely sounds like there is nothing else you could have done. Sometimes our bodies just don’t want to listen to what we want them to do (childbirth or not), and with childbirth you have to factor in the baby not wanting to do what they should.

You say baby was only 7lb6oz - if baby has a large head, or larger in relation to your pelvis, or if there’s something “not textbook” about your pelvis shape/position/tilt, it all might mean that a vaginal delivery is not suitable for you. However another pregnancy, with another baby who’s head is a different size/shape, or they are a bit more cooperative, a vaginal delivery may be achieved with no intervention.

I would recommend reaching out and seeing if you could have a debrief with the team to go through your notes, or if the team isn’t available there may be another option at the hospital (here in the uk we can request a debrief with the delivering midwife or the ward if midwife isn’t available). It may also be useful to reach out to a therapist who can support you in understanding and accepting how delivery went and can support you through another pregnancy/ birth. It would be useful to have your delivery notes to give to a therapist.

And please, don’t beat yourself up. Yes baby arrived safely and you will hear that so much, but your feelings matter too. You hear of so many people who are able to have a successful VBAC but please don’t be disheartened if you do have a second C-section. If you are wanting to try VBAC for a future pregnancy, please follow all advice on waiting to ensure your scar has healed (some say 18months between deliveries, some say 18 months between pregnancies, I honestly can’t remember, we only ever planned on one so I didn’t really listen)

You are not a failure - csection mamas are some of the strongest, any other abdominal surgery you would be on bed rest for weeks you are cut open, stitched together and given a baby to care for.

Take it easy and enjoy your baby x

 

[shadraq]

@boby777 I had a very similar experience I labored for 60 hours and pushed for 4hrs and baby just couldn’t descend, I ended up with a C-section and was also shaking uncontrollably and I still struggle with not remembering my girls birth very well. That being said I just chucked it up to my birth story it’s not how I imagined it but that’s life and I would do every part of it over again for my little girl. It’s absolutely not your fault you did nothing wrong you brought your sweet girl into the world however you needed to be proud of that.

 

[sheilal]

@boby777 It is totally valid to feel upset and traumatized by your birth. You were failed by the medical system. I’m sorry you have ended up in this space, I also experienced birth trauma from a c section due to cascade of interventions. I couldn’t think about my birth for a few months after without crying.
Being told ‘but you have a healthy baby’ can feel very dismissive. Women deserve to leave a birth space feeling physically and emotionally safe. A living baby is the bare minimum not a goal.

I would suggest giving it a little while and then seeking out someone to do a birth debrief with you.

Once you’re in a space to hear more about vbac check out podcast episodes featuring Dr Hazel Keedle, and her book ‘Birth After C Section’ I’m ttc my next baby and going to do everything I can for a vbac.

 

[brianitos]

@boby777 I want to say.. I feel you. I had envisioned a smooth delivery, and then it just went sideways. I went through a similar situation with my first, but for me, I didn't fully dilate. Stopped at 6cm, had my water broken, held off as long as I could for an epidural but ended up taking it, then baby started having irregular heartbeats during my contractions (the silence was LOUD) so I ended up being wheeled to OR. Thankfully, baby came out healthy and strong. The other part of my story is that baby had high jaundice and had to stay in NICU for a week, so it was so heartbreaking for us (me especially) to go home without baby. This separation didn't help my milk supply, and that added to my feelings. It took a while, but I started to go to therapy, and that definitely helped with the negative feelings.

I recently gave birth to my 2nd baby and had a successful VBAC.I was scared it would end up like last time, but it's a totally different story this time. I now believe each pregnancy, labour, and delivery is going to be a different story each time.

You didn't fail. You did everything right. The universe and baby just had other plans. It's different from what you wanted and planned for. Let yourself grieve that. Give yourself grace, momma! The world (your baby) knows how strong you are.

 

[moopy25]

@boby777 Ugh. Literally same, it sucked and still sucks. Therapy is helping. I found the book "how to heal a bad birth" really helpful.

 

[hemanthkumar]

@boby777 You did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with having a c section. What you went through is traumatic, as any birth is IMO. It’s a dramatic experience having a baby and none of us are the same after it. Getting cut open is scary and you have every right to be traumatized by that! Having a baby any way is a scary experience.

Try to reframe the experience in your mind. Aren’t we so lucky to have modern medicine and multiple ways to have a baby? Most births do not go to plan and having options (even ones we don’t want) makes it possible for us to have a healthy baby and healthy mom.

I was very upset about having to be induced, but later found out the cord was wrapped around my baby’s neck. And her heart rate was dropping during labor. I always wonder if I hadn’t got induced when I did, if she would be here today. I was very against getting induced and almost didn’t show up, but after 40 hours of labor (yes, 40!), I have a healthy baby now.

I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you are a badass warrior Queen for having that baby and NOT a failure. Reframe the way you think about it. It will take time, but don’t beat yourself up anymore. If a friend went through what you did, would you think she was failure? I would be so proud of them and admire how strong they were to have a c section and do what’s best for her baby, even when she didn’t want to and had a panic attack. That is strength right there and you are amazing!

Your birth went exactly how it was supposed to and if you didn’t get a c section, your baby may not be here today. I look at C section moms with such respect, you are so strong and your baby is so lucky to have you as a mom!

 

[jumpingin]

@boby777 I don’t mean to sound rude bc what you went through seems fairly traumatic and having not been through it myself, I don’t know how i would respond… but the baby is part of this too, and their “birth plan” ultimately trumps your own.

 

[dware]

@boby777 I haven’t seen this mentioned yet so I wanted to share it with you. When I was in labor my doula let me know that she would like the baby to be at station +3 (baby in the birthing canal) before I started pushing so that it is less stress on the baby and I didn’t exhaust myself. Doulas and midwives will spend time helping you labor down (getting baby’s head into the birth canal) while most traditional doctors don’t offer tools or practices to help with this process. I labored down to station +1 and also developed a fever so we started pushing earlier than I was shooting for. It is strange to me that some comments are trying to tell you it could be because of your anatomy that you had a c section when they don’t have access to your medical records. Take those comments with a grain of salt.

It could be as simple as baby was too high when you began pushing and wasn’t ready to come out yet. And then the situation became less than ideal as time progressed and baby became stressed and you developed a fever.

I am happy that both you and baby are here safely and I hope in time you are able to fully heal from this experience (internally and externally) and feel at peace with it.