Birth story: unplanned c-section. Help me understand what happened. (TW: birth trauma)

[michael1958]

@boby777 I think you need to focus less on the fact of how she came out and more on the fact that she came out healthy and breathing! Mom in labour obviously has to be comfortable but once babies heart starts accelerating that’s when it becomes a concern and doctors want to make sure the baby is coming out alive! I know it’s hard to wrap your head around right now because it’s also super new and fresh but it gets a lot easier overtime!

I gave birth to my first via C-section because she was breach, and I started contracting around 35 weeks , and then I attempted VBAC with my second at 37 weeks and at 5 cm her heart started decelerating, and they decided that she had to come out right then and then that moment! at the end of the day, I’m upset I didn’t get to experience a “normal labor” but having two healthy babies matters way more to me than having a tiny scar on my body!

 

[darrenburnside]

@boby777 The same thing happened to me. I was 10 cm for 4 hours. The babys head was not in the best position and the cord was too short, so it wouldnt work in any position. I got the epidural and tried various positions, but did not help. I gave my best and was relieved at the end after 24 hours.
You have to understand that it is not your fault. Sometimes the baby doesnt cooporate and sometimes there are just other causes where you cant give birth naturally. 100 years ago you would die so be happy you got your baby and both of you are healthy

 

[heavensmaker]

@boby777 Wow, I have no advice but I just wanted to say that I am right there with you. Had baby on 1/13 and I’m still processing what happened that lead to a c-section. There’s so much we couldn’t prepare for, I feel like there’s nothing we did wrong. Ultimately baby is here, happy and healthy and that’s all that matters.

I also thought I was dying when I had my c-section (the whole time really) had complications with my epidural x2, could feel them stitching me up and tried to fight the feeling of passing out. I work in healthcare and knew going in there that I could only control so much… but I still felt like a failure. You did everything you could momma, we are just probably dealing with the hormone dump and trauma of it all at the same time.

 

[drunk_monk]

@boby777 I can relate to this so much! I had such a hard time getting through the trauma that I similarly experienced. You WILL get through this.

The emotional pain and inadequacy I felt after my failed vaginal delivery haunted me for so many weeks postpartum. I don’t think some of the pain will ever fully heal in my heart, but my baby is 9 months old now and I am feeling great and I am at peace with how my birth went because time has helped me understand that I did not fail myself and my gratitude for my healthy perfect baby has given me strength. You did nothing wrong

My husband and I are also in healthcare and it was shocking how much I felt like my providers let me down. It was like a betrayal in a way. I take pride in the care I give to patients and I was hoping for more advocacy and compassion from my care team. Disappointment is an understatement

 

[sweetpeach]

@drunk_monk Oof this is relatable. (2.5 years out )

 

[pilgrimdave]

@boby777 I really feel for you in reading this and can relate so much to your questions at the end. I had a very similar labor experience, up until about halfway through - I never got past 6 cm because my baby’s heart rate kept dropping, and my OB recommended a c section. She told me when a c section looked possible, and I cried. One 5 min decel later, and she told me it was time to go to the OR. I cried again. Like you, I spent most of the c section in shock, with tears running down my face. I did see my baby right away, but didn’t get to hold her, and I never got the big “it’s a girl!” announcement I’d waited 9 months for (we kept the sex a surprise), because the focus was on just making sure she was ok. The experience was awful.

I spent MONTHS trying to figure out why that happened. I asked my OB, my friend who is an OB, the internet, and anyone else that would listen. Consensus is: who knows? Sometimes labor just doesn’t go as planned, and there’s nothing we can do about it. The worst response I heard was “all that matters is that you have a healthy baby!” No, that’s not ALL that matters, my feelings matter too, and the way it all went down never quite felt fair.

Anyway, all I can tell you is that eventually, you will feel better about it and the terribleness of the experience will fade. I FINALLY feel ok about my daughter’s birth - and she is 2.5 years old. My husband and I are trying for another baby and I plan to request a c section - I just don’t think I can go through that kind of labor and delivery again. But now I have the coolest little toddler, and the way she came into the world seems to matter less and less. Just give it time.

 

[lostdad1]

@boby777 I’m sorry. Unplanned c sections can feel very traumatic. Especially when you progress to 10cm and it seems like it should’ve worked out. Highly recommend joining ICAN on Facebook and checking out the VBAC Link podcast and Fb group when you are ready. It helped me to share my birth story with a few close people too and begin processing. VBAC is very possible for you and I’m proud to have completed two vbac’s since my own unplanned CS in 2019. Don’t feel guilty for grieving your birth experience and try to ignore anyone that comes at you with “well at least you had a healthy baby…” etc. You will feel better with time and processing but it’s ok for it to feel how it does right now.

 

[rettz]

@boby777 You didn’t do anything wrong. For reasons we may never know, some babies just don’t descend into the birth canal, and if they don’t, they’re not coming out except by c-section.

Nearly exact same thing happened to me — long labor, got to 10 cm and pushing, baby’s head was floating up inside my uterus, like there was nowhere he needed to go.

Ended up with a c-section, thankfully no vomiting, but I’d been in labor and with water broken longer, was so exhausted, once they got the baby out, and I got a moment with him, I asked the anesthesiologist to knock me out so I could sleep. I woke up momentarily, told my exhausted husband to go home and sleep, and from the time I woke up again, I could not get the nurses to bring me my baby for hours.

It was the middle of the night. I don’t know if they were short staffed or extra busy or what, and then they had to do shift change. I was so mad about all of it. I felt like my body failed me. Failed my baby. Missed all those important first bonding hours.

But labor is not a test we pass or fail or our bodies do. It’s unpredictable and sometimes chaotic, sometimes dangerous, and the only way it should be judged is a success if you end up with a healthy baby.

I know you’re traumatized. I was. But you did nothing wrong.

My second baby would not descend into the birth canal, either, so I had a second c-section, but it actually helped me to know I didn’t do anything wrong the first time. Must be something just off enough with my body that babies can’t come out vaginally, but I still ended up with two healthy babies. I don’t care anymore about how they got here.

 

[lillierose730]

@boby777 I highly recommend "High Risk: Stories of Pregnancy, Birth and the Unexpected" by Chavi Eve Karkowsky.

From ch. 1- "What [the patient] is grappling with, I think, is some measure of cognative dissonance. There's the distance between the bodily truth of these experiences and what the rest of our curated lives has prepared us for. There is also, I think, suprise at the way becoming a patient is such an immediate transition to powerlessness. There's a lot of emotional experience to unpack, but the most common phrase I probably hear is, "I wish someone had told me."'

 

[andrewjacksonjihad]

@boby777 I had an emergency c-section. My OBGYN thought I’d give birth in 10 minutes. They kept seeing the head and it would get “sucked” back up. I blocked a lot of what was going and focused on having a healthy baby. Then I focused on EBF and pumped milk for 6 months. Then I finally processed (at least most of) the trauma.
I’d done everything, the exercise the prenatal yoga, everything was going according to plan so why me ? Then I realized that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and I need to give me some grace and time to process.

Give yourself time. Give yourself love.

 

[3rdeye]

@boby777 I am so sorry you feel traumatized by your birth experience. You did absolutely everything right.

All decisions in birth lead down a different path. The trouble is we don’t know where each path leads, but we also can’t back track once we set off.

The 2 things that stick out to me are the cervical exams, and AROM.

Cervical exams can push bacteria up the birth canal, which can lead to infection. This looks like fever in the birthing person, and sometimes a funky heart rate/distress in baby.

Cervical exams also can give us information in labor, at that exact moment. But they can’t actually be used to predict when baby will be born.

As for AROM. Sometimes, when the amniotic sac is artificially ruptured - the flood of waters releasing can sometimes jam baby down into the pelvis in an awkward way that they wouldn’t have navigated to themselves had the waters remained intact.

But also, AROM can sometimes speed things up. This can be a great tool when it is looking like you may be on the path of Mom or baby going into distress. Or in the case of maternal exhaustion, sometimes it’s a tool to get baby out quicker and avoid a major abdominal surgery. But again, once we set out on a path in birth, we can’t go back.

As well, we can generally see most obstetric emergencies coming. So nobody can comment on the care providers reasoning for offering/doing anything they did.

But there are some questions I like to ask when someone feels traumatized by their birth.

Were you given time and space to ask questions?

Did you get satisfactory answers when you did ask questions?

Did your providers go over the benefits and risks of everything to you, and did you fully understand their explanations?

Did you feel like your answers were respected?

Did you feel like an active participant in your birth?

Just some things to reflect on.

I hope the rest of your postpartum period is peaceful as it can be

 

[cece149]

@boby777 I had nearly the same experience, but maybe a little worse.

11pm, water breaks, get admitted to hospital. Almost no progress over night

6am, start pitocin. Didn't want to, but they said it was dangerous to labor this long with a broken water.

230pm, get epidural. Still very little progress.

They keep jacking up the pitocin. At some point I develope a scary fever.

They attach antibiotics to my IV but forget to turn it on.

I ended up with a 104 degree fever and an shaking violently and freezing cold. They keep telling me I'm not cold.

Around 10 I start pushing, no real progress and they're very mean to me. I did the bar, the sheet, and them pushing my legs.

They finally tell me I have to do a section. They wheel me too the operating room and start it without my husband in the room while I'm screaming about how much pain I'm in.

Baby comes out happy and healthy and I'm knocked out cold with drugs minutes after he's born. I'm told I was out for about an hour.

Nurses were extremely cold and rude to me. Whole experience was horrendous.

I had some pretty bad PPD from this. I felt lied to and had very little support.

Solidarity. I'm sorry it went like this. Try to focus on your little one. I promise as time passes it will get better

 

[thrall]

@boby777 The vomiting and shakes happened to me and I wasn’t panicked during my c section. The shaking is hormone related while the vomiting is likely related to them being on your insides moving stuff around.

Your experience is valid but you absolutely did not fail.

 

[dupuismon]

@boby777 I understand the urge in replies to normalize c-section birth. At the same time, they really do sound traumatizing! I know many people with good c-section experiences, but at the same time, it's okay if it is truly traumatizing for someone. Finding something traumatic is not the same as passing judgment on people who've had the experience. You're getting cut in half while you're awake. Personally, I think a panic attack is a normal and healthy response to that. I'm really sorry to hear about your experience, and it's okay to spend time thinking about your own feelings and experiences.

Despite what everyone says about the "golden hour," babies don't really care what happens right after they are born. Your baby has no idea how you felt in those hours when you weren't ready to see her. Before she was born, she knew and loved the sound of your voice and your heartbeat. Now that she's born, she still loves hearing your voice, and hearing your heartbeat, and taking in your smell. I'm glad you were able to recognize and advocate that you needed some time before you saw her - you knew she was being well taken care of in those moments, and you took some time for yourself. I'm not convinced you missed out on bonding time - I'm guessing you already felt bonded to her before she was born, and now she's born and you get to continue that bonding. It's okay to find your experience traumatic, and that doesn't make you any less good of a mother. In fact, being able to recognize and sit with your own feelings probably means you'll set a really good example for your child.

 

[hajime]

@boby777 Almost the same situation with my birth. The OB who did my C-section said the curve of my pelvic bone may have potentially kept baby from descending but couldn't say so definitely. Could be the case with you as well.

You just never know. You need to speak with the OB who performed your C-section and discuss if you're a candidate for a vbac.

In your case and in mine, a C-section saved us and our babies from ending up in very bad shape. You did nothing wrong. Modern medicine did us a solid.

Edit: adding that c-sections can be really physically demanding and people downplay it. The shaking and vomiting is completely normal. I experienced the same even though I was calm and emotionally grounded in the moment.

 

[grlchatterbox33]

@boby777 If you had a fever that’s never a good sign. It could be meconium in the uterus causing it or something going on in the womb which can be dangerous to you the baby. Especially if there is meconium. The baby could aspirate on it and be a bad situation which would result in lung issues and long term NICU stay. I’m surprised they didn’t inform you on that.

I’m so sorry you went through that. Luckily it’s not a fun experience but you will heal and it won’t even look like it ever happened. Don’t let it get you down. Sometimes things like this happen and it’s not in your control. I hate it for you. The good thing is you have a beautiful baby who is so happy to be with you and don’t let the experience cloud this time to bond with your loving little one.

 

[jamesismyname]

@boby777 You did nothing wrong; there’s nothing wrong with your body; there’s nothing wrong with your baby. My best friend had a similar situation — she even got the epidural, didn’t react to pitocin, THEN WENT HOME, went back 5 days later for a scheduled c section. She delivered another baby girl 8 months ago, VBAC. So she had the same situation as you, almost to a T. (Her first baby was 6lb 9oz, so even smaller.) The second time around, she had a vaginal delivery with no complications and she loved it.

I delivered 12/28 via emergency c section at 37+2 because of high blood pressure. I went to my OB appt and then was ushered to L&D. I had pitocin, had my water broke, and then labetalol procedures. The baby’s heart rate was in decels every time I contracted, and they had me up on the peanut, on my stomach, with everything in the air for the room to see when they suggested the c section. It definitely wasn’t planned but at that point, I just wanted my baby out of me, and healthy. I threw up when they started the procedure, but I was so high on the blood pressure medication they pumped into me, and on adrenaline, I’ve just compartmentalized the whole experience. I was fortunate to be with my aforementioned best friend during her failed induction and c section, so I had a good idea that that could happen. I’m 4 weeks pp today. I feel I either haven’t processed it, or my brain just sent out such a good defense mechanism that it’s not traumatizing me yet.

 

[gingeandhales]

@boby777 If the baby didn't move at all in that time then it's nothing to do with your efforts. The contractions alone without your pushing move the baby down unless something is blocking their path.

 

[smed]

@boby777 I had a similar experience to yours with a few exceptions. I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced at 41w (but not in labor) so my OB induced me by breaking my water and pitocin. I was ready to push 5 hours later. I pushed for three hours. At the 2.5 hour mark, my OB brought up c-section for failure to descend. I chose to try pushing for 30 more minutes before moving to c-section where I also shook and vomited. I was so exhausted after that I was scared to hold my baby.

First, please know that your doctor didn’t abandon you. Your doctor left the room during pushing because that break in time allows them to better access baby’s process. What your doctor did was textbook. Mine did the same and at first I was taken aback and she later explained why she kept leaving for 30+ minutes at a time. I wish yours had shared that with you.

Most importantly- this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t fail to push. Baby got stuck. Once upon of time, women in our situation (and their babies) died or were severely injured in these scenarios. Our c-sections were life saving procedures.

It took me a long time to process the trauma of my birth. I went in thinking “my body was made for this” then felt like a failure when baby wouldn’t descend. Unfortunately, so much of social media plays into this. In reality, birth is a dangerous thing that has been made significantly safer by modern medicine. We were just in the unfortunate positions, through no fault of our own, that we needed modern medicine to save ours and our babies’ lives.

 

[peacemakers]

@boby777 You did nothing wrong, your safe and your baby’s safe. In the end that’s the most important thing.

I also developed a fever, violent uncontrollable shaking, sweating, vomiting. I think I got some kinda infection after they broke my water. I think in your case the infection symptoms exasperated the panic attack, im so sorry you had this kinda experience. I remember having this sudden infection and vomiting during transition; it was awful but I couldn’t imagine having a c-section performed in that state. Give yourself time and grace, you did your best that’s all that matters.