@okiegirl27 That’s interesting! Thanks for sharing your experience. Was the RCS a good experience for you? Easier than the first c?
Birth story: unplanned c-section. Help me understand what happened. (TW: birth trauma)
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okiegirl27
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@okiegirl27 Oh that’s awesome!!! So great to hear. I’m struggling with the decision of repeat c or attempt VBAC, I think the planned c would definitely be easier than the unplanned!
sherryberry
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@boby777 Please don’t feel guilty! I would definitely reach out to your doctor and ask if she thinks it could be related to anatomy or what. With a fever, changes in heart rate for baby, and pushing for that long with no movement just please know you did everything you could. I was induced at 37 weeks for preE but I started at 3cm so I figured I had a shot. Well after 39 hrs I finally got a fever and had no cervical change from 8cm after 4 hrs. Baby didn’t look great on the monitor so we called it. She was only 5lb 14 oz but positioned OP and asynclitic. I had tried many different positions to get her to come down in a better position but it just wasn’t meant to be. I struggled a lot with feeling like I could have done something differently as I’m a freaking labor nurse lol but I know in my heart (and after plenty of therapy) that I did everything I could. It took a while to cope with my traumatic birth and be able to let go of what I couldn’t change. I would definitely look into therapy and journaling to help you process everything. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the birth you wanted, just know you are not alone, sending hugs 
@boby777 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's always rough when medical things don't go the way you hoped or planned, but I'm so glad that you and your baby are physically healthy.
Emotionally - the biggest piece of advice I can give is "it's OK to not be OK." So much of mommy culture is about being a "supermom" or being strong and all that. There's also a wicked backlash against C-sections (somewhat understandable since they were being doled out like candy in years prior) and suddenly there's an almost cult-like fanaticism for vaginal births (even in situations where it's really not a good idea). That's all utter bullshit - you didn't do anything wrong. Birth is unpredictable, you made the best informed decision, and you and your baby are alive and healthy because of it.
I got diagnosed with preeclampsia and had an emergency C-section at 36+5 because they were worried I would seize. I definitely had a moment when I blamed myself for not chilling out enough to lower my BP (HAHA, that's not how it works, but y'know...denial). The nurses afterwards were like "we're so sorry it didn't go according to plan" and I laughed and said, "I'm alive and my baby is alive, that IS the plan."
Check yourself to see if you are experiencing PPD (https://med.stanford.edu/content/dam/sm/ppc/documents/DBP/EDPS_text_added.pdf) and talk to your doctor either way. Remember, your feelings are valid and don't let anyone tell you differently.
Emotionally - the biggest piece of advice I can give is "it's OK to not be OK." So much of mommy culture is about being a "supermom" or being strong and all that. There's also a wicked backlash against C-sections (somewhat understandable since they were being doled out like candy in years prior) and suddenly there's an almost cult-like fanaticism for vaginal births (even in situations where it's really not a good idea). That's all utter bullshit - you didn't do anything wrong. Birth is unpredictable, you made the best informed decision, and you and your baby are alive and healthy because of it.
I got diagnosed with preeclampsia and had an emergency C-section at 36+5 because they were worried I would seize. I definitely had a moment when I blamed myself for not chilling out enough to lower my BP (HAHA, that's not how it works, but y'know...denial). The nurses afterwards were like "we're so sorry it didn't go according to plan" and I laughed and said, "I'm alive and my baby is alive, that IS the plan."
Check yourself to see if you are experiencing PPD (https://med.stanford.edu/content/dam/sm/ppc/documents/DBP/EDPS_text_added.pdf) and talk to your doctor either way. Remember, your feelings are valid and don't let anyone tell you differently.
@ellenav Thank you so much for this. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster because I simultaneously feel sad I did not have the vaginal delivery I wanted and also that I need to defend that I had a csection to others because my friends and family have a bias against them. Then there’s also people who are offended that I feel traumatized by the csection and take it as a personal attack. It feels like I can’t win and no matter what my feelings are invalid. So it’s really nice to hear from others that it is ok to not be ok. I think I just need time to process and accept the outcome of this birth.
@boby777 It's possible that could have continued to push and do every single suggestion out there and it would have still ended with either a C-section. The only thing it may have gotten you is more fatigue, more strain on your body, and more strain on your baby. And at the worst, it could have cost your life or your baby's life.
There's this notion that we have absolute control over our bodies and labor & delivery. We may have some control but not nearly as much as society leads us to believe. Another commenter described labor & delivery like a decision tree at every single step and that's a great way of looking at it.
My sister pushed for 30 hours straight with my niece. That's 30 hours of ACTIVE labor. It was 1990 and the doctor was adamant about no C-sections unless it was absolutely 100% necessary...in his eyes. My sister tried her hardest and my niece wasn't budging. My sister was in severe pain and exhausted beyond belief. My niece was lucky, she wasn't so stuck in the birth canal that she was losing oxygen but it was a very dangerous call to delay a C-section like that. Many babies are not as fortunate when they get stuck. They lose oxygen. They lose blood flow. They later found out that there would have been no way of my niece coming out vaginally without breaking my sister's pelvis bone. Her next baby was a planned C-section. A much better experience.
My niece is 34 now and my sister still talks about how horrible her birth experience was. I think this can teach us two things.
There's this notion that we have absolute control over our bodies and labor & delivery. We may have some control but not nearly as much as society leads us to believe. Another commenter described labor & delivery like a decision tree at every single step and that's a great way of looking at it.
My sister pushed for 30 hours straight with my niece. That's 30 hours of ACTIVE labor. It was 1990 and the doctor was adamant about no C-sections unless it was absolutely 100% necessary...in his eyes. My sister tried her hardest and my niece wasn't budging. My sister was in severe pain and exhausted beyond belief. My niece was lucky, she wasn't so stuck in the birth canal that she was losing oxygen but it was a very dangerous call to delay a C-section like that. Many babies are not as fortunate when they get stuck. They lose oxygen. They lose blood flow. They later found out that there would have been no way of my niece coming out vaginally without breaking my sister's pelvis bone. Her next baby was a planned C-section. A much better experience.
My niece is 34 now and my sister still talks about how horrible her birth experience was. I think this can teach us two things.
- You can do everything exactly right and it's still not going to go as you planned. It may be completely out of your control.
- Birth trauma can stay with us for a very long time. It's a real shame we don't have good support in place to help cope with it.
pulickalbrothers
New member
@boby777 As a former crunchy person, here’s the truth: nature doesn’t care about you and your baby. All that nature and evolution cares about is that a decent amount of moms and babies survive birth. Which, frankly, is a very low bar…a baby exiting the vaginal canal instead of the sun roof can cause all sorts of issues, even if it’s “successful.” It sounds like your team did everything possible to make a vaginal birth happen, and it wasn’t in the cards. You shouldn’t feel bad or blame yourself…there’s nothing else you could have done. It’s all well and good to say that the epidural or pitocin caused some sort of “cascade” but the research doesn’t support that.
I know so deeply what it’s like to wonder why. My baby flipped breech at full term. I figured we’d find some sort of reason…nope. I had to accept not knowing why. I hope you’re able to find peace.
Also, as for VBAC, all you can do next time is pick a really supportive provider who follows the evidence, and relax. I’m in multiple VBAC groups, and people drive themselves nuts trying to set themselves up for success. Outside of general health and a supportive provider, there’s not much you can do, which can be either freeing or overwhelming.
I know so deeply what it’s like to wonder why. My baby flipped breech at full term. I figured we’d find some sort of reason…nope. I had to accept not knowing why. I hope you’re able to find peace.
Also, as for VBAC, all you can do next time is pick a really supportive provider who follows the evidence, and relax. I’m in multiple VBAC groups, and people drive themselves nuts trying to set themselves up for success. Outside of general health and a supportive provider, there’s not much you can do, which can be either freeing or overwhelming.
fastrocker21
New member
@boby777 Sending you big virtual hugs. I waited until I was 41+ 4 days to get induced and ended up with an emergency c-section in the same scenario. You didn't do anything wrong. My baby also didn't drop, no matter how much I moved around or walked around or anything. Nothing made a difference. At one point, my epidural drugs even wore off, and we tried labor without it for an hour, and it made no difference. I literally picked my doctor because she had the lowest c-section rate in the city, and I still ended up with a c-section. I also refused to hold my baby afterward because they overdosed me, which caused serious shaking I couldn't control. Even after they gave me counteractive drugs, I was too scared to hold her that I didn't hold her for very long, and she spent most of the night in the nursery. It was so hard and awful, and I still feel emotional about it (about a year later).
First, my baby and I are SO incredibly close now. How labor goes (or the immediate hours following) does not define you as a mother or parent. You have the rest of your lives to build a great relationship.
Second, the #1 thing that helped me was acknowledging that it's okay to be upset. So many people kept telling me that the only thing that mattered was that we got out alive - and while I understand that sentiment - my feelings about a traumatic birth also matter, and the recovery was very difficult. Take time to recover and rest. Get help if you can. Get your iron levels checked. I had low blood pressure for almost a year afterward and had to get iron infusions. Once I had that, I started feeling more like myself. Talk to a therapist if you need to. Mine helped me process my feelings a lot!
Ultimately, your first birth doesn't mean that all of your labors will go this way. My mother-in-law had a c-section then a VBAC. I know plenty of others who that happened to, too. But just like before, you won't be able to control it. You can only do your best and make the best decisions you can in the moment.
Big hugs again!
First, my baby and I are SO incredibly close now. How labor goes (or the immediate hours following) does not define you as a mother or parent. You have the rest of your lives to build a great relationship.
Second, the #1 thing that helped me was acknowledging that it's okay to be upset. So many people kept telling me that the only thing that mattered was that we got out alive - and while I understand that sentiment - my feelings about a traumatic birth also matter, and the recovery was very difficult. Take time to recover and rest. Get help if you can. Get your iron levels checked. I had low blood pressure for almost a year afterward and had to get iron infusions. Once I had that, I started feeling more like myself. Talk to a therapist if you need to. Mine helped me process my feelings a lot!
Ultimately, your first birth doesn't mean that all of your labors will go this way. My mother-in-law had a c-section then a VBAC. I know plenty of others who that happened to, too. But just like before, you won't be able to control it. You can only do your best and make the best decisions you can in the moment.
Big hugs again!
@boby777 Our birth stories are very similar and it was eerie reading it. For me, it had to do with my pelvic bone structure. Even though I had gotten to ten with an epidural, I never felt the urge to push and she never descended beyond 0. The medical community maintains that predicting pelvis shape as an indicator of c-section is old science and it was worth it to give vaginal delivery a go, even though I was told early on I may be more likely to need a c-section. When my daughter was born, you could see the place in her skull where she was wedged in to my pelvis. She looked like she was delivered vaginally in that sense.
This all to say, there is potentially nothing you could have done to change this scenario nor am I sure it’s what happened to you, but it may be an answer. I even knew ahead it could be an issue and chose to take my chances on trying. I don’t think I’d make a different choice even though things went haywire. 16 months out I’m okay and my daughter is okay. I do know if we decide to have another I’ll be scheduling a planned c-section for sure.
This all to say, there is potentially nothing you could have done to change this scenario nor am I sure it’s what happened to you, but it may be an answer. I even knew ahead it could be an issue and chose to take my chances on trying. I don’t think I’d make a different choice even though things went haywire. 16 months out I’m okay and my daughter is okay. I do know if we decide to have another I’ll be scheduling a planned c-section for sure.
@boby777 I relate to your story a lot because mine was also traumatic.
You did so great growing your LO for 9 months! It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling especially when you have imagined a beautiful birth, and it ends up being drastically different from what you imagined.
I wonder if your LO was in a sunny side up position which prevented her to descend? And my family members had a c section for their first and VBAC for their second so it’s definitely possible for a vaginal delivery!
I wanted an unmedicated birth. But instead I was induced at 39 weeks due to IUGR. Leading up to the induction, I had to honestly mentally prepare myself that my birth plan was not going to be what I wanted. I needed oxytocin, then I requested an epidural and just “let myself go” and released the control I imagined my birth to be. I gave in for the sake of my baby. I developed an infection and needed antibiotics as well, and I pushed for about 3 hours and baby was not progressing. We realized she was in the sunny side up position, and was harder for her descend. I tried my hardest to push, and even asked the drs to wait a bit while I pushed more. But they didn’t want to risk my girl getting hurt. So they ended up going in my vag and rotating her somehow (it would’ve been painful without the epidural) and my LO ended up progressing and eventually I gave birth that way.
My husband is also an MD and has seen many births and c sections. If my OB couldn’t manually turn my baby into a good position, then we would’ve needed an episiotomy, forceps, or vacuum or c section. My husband reassured me that out of all the births he’s seen, c section was more safe than the vacuum/forceps/episiotomy. Obviously they all have risks, but I would have chosen a c section over the others.
You did so great growing your LO for 9 months! It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling especially when you have imagined a beautiful birth, and it ends up being drastically different from what you imagined.
I wonder if your LO was in a sunny side up position which prevented her to descend? And my family members had a c section for their first and VBAC for their second so it’s definitely possible for a vaginal delivery!
I wanted an unmedicated birth. But instead I was induced at 39 weeks due to IUGR. Leading up to the induction, I had to honestly mentally prepare myself that my birth plan was not going to be what I wanted. I needed oxytocin, then I requested an epidural and just “let myself go” and released the control I imagined my birth to be. I gave in for the sake of my baby. I developed an infection and needed antibiotics as well, and I pushed for about 3 hours and baby was not progressing. We realized she was in the sunny side up position, and was harder for her descend. I tried my hardest to push, and even asked the drs to wait a bit while I pushed more. But they didn’t want to risk my girl getting hurt. So they ended up going in my vag and rotating her somehow (it would’ve been painful without the epidural) and my LO ended up progressing and eventually I gave birth that way.
My husband is also an MD and has seen many births and c sections. If my OB couldn’t manually turn my baby into a good position, then we would’ve needed an episiotomy, forceps, or vacuum or c section. My husband reassured me that out of all the births he’s seen, c section was more safe than the vacuum/forceps/episiotomy. Obviously they all have risks, but I would have chosen a c section over the others.
@boby777 I am an MD. You have no control of the size of your pelvic inlet, which is the circular hole in the bones INSIDE of your pelvis. Your diagnosis is likely cephalopelvic disproportion. Aka, the hole your bones have was not large enough for the baby's head to pass through. It's genetic and you have no control over it. You are unlikely to be able to deliver a baby vaginally unless your next baby was significantly smaller.
@rdl0391 I'm not an OB but I had an unplanned/emergency C-Section with a 7.5 lb baby due to "failure to progress"/"fetal distress" but my OB observed during a cervical exam at 39 weeks and a different OB during labor commented on my "narrow pelvis". I was really frustrated with the outcome at first bc I had a really textbook, low risk, active pregnancy and had no reason to expect I'd struggle with childbirth or need a C-Section. However, I'm now planning a repeat C-Section for my second as everything seems to indicate I have cephalopelvic disproportion but there's no way to know for sure.
@boby777 This story feels similar to mine. I was induced and labored for 20 hours, but I also developed a fever and baby’s heart rate was decelerating, and I hadn’t dilated past 7 in for a few hours. I had the same experience of having a moment alone with my husband where we both cried and talked in circles, but at the end decided we had to trust the doctor’s recommendation. My c-section experience was also very unpleasant - I was in terrible pain the whole time and also feel like I didn’t feel an immediate bond with my baby because I was so desperate for the procedure to be finished.
I mourned the loss of a ‘normal’ birth for a long time. I’ve basically decided that the next (and last) baby will be a c-section, because I couldn’t bear another long labor that ends up in a section. My baby is 14 months now and I’ve basically come to a peace about it. The fact that you and your baby are both healthy means that you DID make the right decisions. Could that outcome have come if you made other decision? Maybe - but there’s no way of knowing that, so you have to give yourself the grace of assuming you made the very best choice you could.
I mourned the loss of a ‘normal’ birth for a long time. I’ve basically decided that the next (and last) baby will be a c-section, because I couldn’t bear another long labor that ends up in a section. My baby is 14 months now and I’ve basically come to a peace about it. The fact that you and your baby are both healthy means that you DID make the right decisions. Could that outcome have come if you made other decision? Maybe - but there’s no way of knowing that, so you have to give yourself the grace of assuming you made the very best choice you could.
@emerritt Thank you so much for sharing. Even though I wouldn’t wish the experience on others, it is nice to hear similar experiences from other moms. I feel like I could get passed it more easily if the procedure itself wasn’t so awful. I am in the same boat in that I am considering a smaller family than I originally planned because I don’t think I could go through that too many more times. But I know time to process will help. Ultimately I am very thankful my daughter and I are healthy and that’s what truly matters.
@boby777 The small bit I will add is that during my c section the anesthesiologist told me feeling very nauseous and/or vomiting is very common in c sections (I’m guessing it’s the body’s response to being cut open but just a guess). I felt extremely nauseous even with the anti nausea medicine they gave me. I turned my head to the side so I could puke but ultimately didn’t. Also no known reason for my c section except her heart rate was dropping with every contraction and I was at the very beginning of tiny contractions, no dilation. Never figured out why. I’m happy she’s here.
christwillbeking
New member
@boby777 I have a similar story and while there is a lot I could say, I want to focus on you feeling guilty about not being in the right headspace to be excited to meet your daughter in the operating room. I know it’s hard, but please give yourself lots of grace and zero guilt.
Having an unexpected C-section after a long labor is so rough. I’m actually proud of you that you realized you were not in the right state to see her yet and waited until you were. (They presented baby girl to me and I felt so similar to you. I remember feigning delight but in my head I was just screaming, “Don’t throw up! Don’t throw up!”) You will have thousands of beautiful little moments with her, and all of them will matter more than that moment.
I’m so sorry this happened - it’s such an important event in our lives and I wish it could go smoothly for all of us. Give yourself the space and time to grieve the experience you didn’t get, and do what you need to do (research, journal, go to therapy, etc) to process it and realize it is not your fault. Congrats on your little one.
Having an unexpected C-section after a long labor is so rough. I’m actually proud of you that you realized you were not in the right state to see her yet and waited until you were. (They presented baby girl to me and I felt so similar to you. I remember feigning delight but in my head I was just screaming, “Don’t throw up! Don’t throw up!”) You will have thousands of beautiful little moments with her, and all of them will matter more than that moment.
I’m so sorry this happened - it’s such an important event in our lives and I wish it could go smoothly for all of us. Give yourself the space and time to grieve the experience you didn’t get, and do what you need to do (research, journal, go to therapy, etc) to process it and realize it is not your fault. Congrats on your little one.
billyallen50
New member
@boby777 I don’t know what happened, but almost exactly the same thing happened to me - I pushed for 7 hours and made minimal progress and had to have a c-section. The defeat, failure, and misery didn’t go away quickly, especially because I had to recover both ways (my pelvic floor was damaged from pushing). My OB didn’t have an answer for me other than my “pelvis couldn’t accommodate my baby’s size” - I wish I had questioned this more. I’ve come to terms with my birth, but still get pangs of jealousy and longing for the birth I wish I had had. You didn’t do anything wrong and you are valid in having the feelings you do. Birth is so fucked up, please give yourself grace and forgiveness for the way you process, grieve, and feel.
parastudent101
New member
@boby777 I had a very long labor with my first and 4 hours of pushing that ultimately ended in a c section because my baby just wouldn't descend and the OB started worrying about decels etc. I did everything I could have done, as did my entire medical team. I even had a doula to help advocate for me. Ultimately it may have been my baby's position that did it (he was OP and slightly transverse). I had a lot of negative feelings about my birth in the weeks afterward because I had been so intently fixated on a vaginal birth that it felt like a failure. Looking back now, I don't regret a single moment and I'm so grateful I had the medical assistance that was needed to keep me and my baby safe. 3 years later I went on to have a totally uneventful VBAC (I actually went all the way through pregnancy planning a repeat C-section and it was literally hours before delivery that the triage doctor convinced me to "give it a go.") All this to say, there are so many ways for babies to come into this world, and absolutely zero of them involve the mother "causing" a certain outcome. There are just too many factors involved. Definitely talk to a therapist to help process your feelings- that helped me a lot. And enjoy the newborn snuggles 
.
.@boby777 YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You did NOTHING wrong, this is not your fault AT ALL. Some women push babies out in a couple minutes, the fact you made ZERO progress in TWO HOURS shows that this was NOT a failure or lack of strength on your part. You did NOTHING wrong. You actually did everything right. This shows how STRONG you are, you pushed for TWO HOURS and then had major fucking surgery. You're a goddamn hero.
Honestly, sounds really similar to my first birth, except I didn't have a fever. I pushed for two hours with zero progress, and then had a c-section. It just happens some times! I only wish you felt the way I did after mine, I KNEW I had done all I could, I knew that in only a short period back in human history, my birth would have ended really really badly, so though I was jealous I had a much harder recovery, I was at peace with all that had happened.
Women have always needed C-sections, they just didn't used to exist.
The way you feel is why I am so vocal about the need for us all to know WHY we have all these birth interventions, so we know we are NOT AT FAULT when we need them. These birth interventions were developed to save lives, because birth used to be one of the most dangerous thing women went through. I fully blame the natural birth movement, because they have put unmedicated vaginal births on a pedestal, as if it's a fucking trophy to get one, ignoring the reason why medical interventions in birth are NEEDED. (And yes, I fully acknowledge that the natural birth movement was needed to put mothers needs first, what I'm saying is that it's gone too far.)
If birth was about willpower, C-sections would not be needed.
In terms of vbac, that will be something to discuss with your birth team when you're pregnant next. It will depend on why the baby failed to progress (and again, you did NOTHING wrong). For me, they figured it was the shape of my pelvis and the fact my baby had a 90th percentile head, so I was given low odds of success, so I went with planned (and then my second baby ended up being 10lbs with a 99th percentile head, so I have ZERO regrets. 10/10 experience, planned c-sections are great.) Though even if you have low odds of success, you can still give a VBAD a go, and I do hope that all of us reassuring you that this c-section was NOT YOUR FAULT, and if you need another one, STILL NOT YOUR FAULT.
And if anyone shames you for having a c-section, send them my way and I'll chew them out. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things is to EDUCATE idiots on why c-sections are needed and NOT the easy way out.
Honestly, sounds really similar to my first birth, except I didn't have a fever. I pushed for two hours with zero progress, and then had a c-section. It just happens some times! I only wish you felt the way I did after mine, I KNEW I had done all I could, I knew that in only a short period back in human history, my birth would have ended really really badly, so though I was jealous I had a much harder recovery, I was at peace with all that had happened.
Women have always needed C-sections, they just didn't used to exist.
The way you feel is why I am so vocal about the need for us all to know WHY we have all these birth interventions, so we know we are NOT AT FAULT when we need them. These birth interventions were developed to save lives, because birth used to be one of the most dangerous thing women went through. I fully blame the natural birth movement, because they have put unmedicated vaginal births on a pedestal, as if it's a fucking trophy to get one, ignoring the reason why medical interventions in birth are NEEDED. (And yes, I fully acknowledge that the natural birth movement was needed to put mothers needs first, what I'm saying is that it's gone too far.)
If birth was about willpower, C-sections would not be needed.
In terms of vbac, that will be something to discuss with your birth team when you're pregnant next. It will depend on why the baby failed to progress (and again, you did NOTHING wrong). For me, they figured it was the shape of my pelvis and the fact my baby had a 90th percentile head, so I was given low odds of success, so I went with planned (and then my second baby ended up being 10lbs with a 99th percentile head, so I have ZERO regrets. 10/10 experience, planned c-sections are great.) Though even if you have low odds of success, you can still give a VBAD a go, and I do hope that all of us reassuring you that this c-section was NOT YOUR FAULT, and if you need another one, STILL NOT YOUR FAULT.
And if anyone shames you for having a c-section, send them my way and I'll chew them out. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things is to EDUCATE idiots on why c-sections are needed and NOT the easy way out.