Will I regret only having 1 child?

[beautifulsoul20]

@fallingapart You’ll regret it a whole lot less than having a second one you didn’t truly want.

 

[fallingapart]

@beautifulsoul20 Trueeeee

 

[akemi]

@fallingapart My siblings are irresponsible and cause me more stress than happiness. I avoid talking to them if I can. My husband’s sibling is erratic and he has no relationship with her at all. Having a sibling does not guarantee they’ll be a friend. Just provide plenty of enrichment and encourage friendships. Be prepared to be the hangout/ sleepover house lol.

I’m leaning towards one and done after having a traumatic birth and PPD/ PPA, although I always imagined myself with 2 kids. It’s hard to cope with but I remind myself that decisions don’t have to be made today. I can change my mind in a few years if I want.

 

[fallingapart]

@akemi Yes I plan on being a very active parent on that end. And your right I know I don’t have to make permanent decisions today and I can change my mind. I just have to remember that lol thank you for your input

 

[rambone]

@fallingapart I had one brother. He passed away 3 years ago. My heart breaks every day because I miss him so much, and I hate doing life without him.
Just because you have more than one child doesn’t mean they’ll always be there. Life is unpredictable.

 

[fallingapart]

@rambone I’m am so sorry for your loss. I too have a brother and I couldn’t imagine him being gone. My heart breaks for you. Grief can be so consuming. I hope he is with you when you need it most.

 

[shahid]

@fallingapart I only have one girl as well and as much as i love her i wouldnt say im in love with motherhood. To me the last 3 years have been the hardest being a working single mom. I hated pregnancy, not sleeping, being over weight for a while. For me mentally i know i can only handle one. Im almost 36 tho and still single & at this point i would never start all over again at 40. Maybe 10 years ago. But thats where im at.

 

[jabberducki]

@fallingapart I grew up knowing how important siblings are. My siblings and I are still so close, so it was a super easy choice to want more kids.

Things are also easier as they play together a ton, and help each other. But, I also appreciate that they are less likely to feel alone in adulthood. I know of too many adults with no sibling relationship that feel they are missing out.

That being said parents have a big part in fostering a good relationship between siblings. That commitment is worth thinking about, as it does take effort and time.

 

[fallingapart]

@jabberducki I totally agree! I would say I am a very actively involved parent and I hope that, even if I don’t have another, my daughter will never feel alone. Thanks so much for your input

 

[adamsapple]

@fallingapart I am an only child and only had one child until he was 17 yrs old. His dad and I divorced and I met someone new. He didn’t have any children and wanted to have children. I always wanted a big family since I grew up with no siblings. We decided to have 1 and then decided to have 2 and we were content with 3 total. When surprise surprise I got pregnant with our 3rd (my 4th). We’re a family of 6 now and I wouldn’t change it for anything!

 

[fallingapart]

@adamsapple Does your son feel disconnected from the siblings he has now with that much of an age gap? I only ask because you never know and if by some chance I end up pregnant unexpectedly when she’s much older I’d like to be prepared for any challenges with bonding.

 

[adamsapple]

@fallingapart I don’t think he does. He moved out on his own about 2yrs ago but he comes by a few times a week to visit them and spend time with them.

 

[adamsapple]

@fallingapart I will say that when he first found out with the first one he was very jealous. And I can’t blame him he went 17yr as an only child. But as time when on he got better with it and by the time the baby was here he was very excited and the jealousy went away.

 

[contrabar]

@fallingapart I wouldn’t regret having just one we were great with just my eldest.

however we decided to have the second one, mainly for giving him a sibling. We don’t regret it either

He now says he can’t remember or imagine not having his brother, feeling he is much happier now (despite all the siblings normal fights).

Do what your heart tells you to

 

[fallingapart]

@contrabar Thank you! my heart is telling me no more, but all the comments and suggestions makes me think to give it time too.

 

[contrabar]

@fallingapart You can give it time, of course and depending on your age and perspective you can give yourself less or more time
Regarding that I can only share that my timing wasn’t fate’s timing and while we planned a 3y gap, we ended up with almost a 5y gap Still fine, though

 

[fallingapart]

@contrabar I think 5 years isn’t that bad of a gap. I’ve considered this if there were to be a second because at least she’d be more independent and going to school by then.

 

[aishin]

@fallingapart Im not sure how old your daughter is but I had these same feelings till my daughter was around two. I was so happy and so fulfilled and I didn’t really see myself wanting more. But when I thought about her growing up I wanted more than just her in the house. Especially watching her turn into a little person I felt ready to do that again. I also want her to have a sibling and felt like our family could use one more. I was dead set on having one but my feelings evolved now we are pregnant with number 2 and I am thrilled.

You’re not selfish for only wanting one but what changed my mind was thinking longer term and not immediately.

That being said there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an only child. It’s way more manageable for parents and it benefits the children in so many ways too. Siblings don’t determine your happiness.

 

[fallingapart]

@aishin My daughter is 6 months atm. I think about the future and her being alone after I’m gone. That’s what makes me feel guilty. Thank you for your perspective

 

[aishin]

@fallingapart That was me too. She won’t have any first cousins and I don’t want her to be alone after we are gone and also I liked the idea of watching her and a sibling growing up together. We are having another girl and now I find myself excited to watch my daughter be a sister and to watch another child grow up and become a little person and then a big person. At 6 months I was sure I wanted one even up to 2 years, but once she was two it just felt right idk how else to describe it.

I think you can want just one for now but always be open to things changing or feeling different down the road. You don’t need to decide now!