Will I regret only having 1 child?
- Thread starter fallingapart
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@fallingapart You just have to do what you feel is best for you and your family while accepting the uncertainty. There's no guarantee that siblings will get along as children or adults. There's no guarantee that your children will even want to have you in their lives when they're adults.
fallingapart
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@fallingapart You know deep down what you want, so you'll figure it out! There's no right answer, I guess. Wasn't trying to be too negative lol.
@fallingapart So I am my momās only child. Itās a small family. She had one sibling. Her sibling had two kids. My momās parents are deceased and so is her sibling. Itās me and my mom basically and I do wish she had another child. My husband and I feel very much responsible for my mom. Sheās divorced from dad and lives alone so itās me and my kids to keep her company and check on her.
My father has other children. All much younger so Iām kind of a big sister/ second mom. But because thereās so many of us - almost all with our own kids, thereās lots of love and sharing of holidays, etc.
I adored being raised as an only child and I also adored being a sibling.
No one size fits all. Enjoy your baby and donāt feel pressured to give her a sibling. Siblings donāt always get along.
My father has other children. All much younger so Iām kind of a big sister/ second mom. But because thereās so many of us - almost all with our own kids, thereās lots of love and sharing of holidays, etc.
I adored being raised as an only child and I also adored being a sibling.
No one size fits all. Enjoy your baby and donāt feel pressured to give her a sibling. Siblings donāt always get along.
fallingapart
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@fallingapart I had no choiceā¦I always wished for a big family. But my body wonāt let me. So itās just one and sheās the best. Turning 10 soon. Also I am a only child and ofcourse sometimes I wish I had a brother or sister. But hey I managed and therefore have a great social life.
fallingapart
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jaydenhope
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@fallingapart All I can say is they do really entertain each other when you have two. My kindergarten girls are 18 months apart and they are currently in the playroom playing ātiger catches cheetahā whatever that means, while my husband and I enjoy our coffee together. When I send them off to a new camp, they have each other. When they are in the playground at school, they have each other to defend one another. On new adventures, they psych each other up and make each other braver. When you have a 2nd you bring a whole extra human into your familyās life. It brings me a lot of comfort to know that they have each other. And itās hard to explain, but a new part of your heart opens when you see your children love each other.
fallingapart
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@jaydenhope I totally get it. I struggle with the decision because I literally grew up the way youāre explaining your kids are. So I know how cool and fun it can be as a kid, but as an adult idk if I can handle another. Iāll keep it in mind tho and just let time decide. Thank you 
jaydenhope
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@fallingapart I thought it would be unmanageable too when I got my positive test the 2nd time around (it was planned, but still) - but the baby you have now is not the child that welcomes a sibling. Your firstborn simply wonāt need you the way they do now.
Whatever you choose, usually your heart knows whatās right
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Whatever you choose, usually your heart knows whatās right
.poetryoflife1971
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@fallingapart The saying goes, you "know" for a fact when you're completely done having kids.
fallingapart
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@poetryoflife1971 I guess Iām just unsure then 
idk that Iāve had this feeling yet.
idk that Iāve had this feeling yet.@fallingapart Not my personal experience, but a friend of mine is an only child and it was very important to her to have 2 kids because she lost her mom at a young age and found it an incredibly lonely experience. That being said, they situation is obviously not something you expect to face and for most people wouldn't be enough of a reason to have a second child.
From what I've observed of friends who are only children, their happiness and well-being has had a lot more to do with how attentive their parents are than whether or not they have siblings. I think that if your family feels right to you and you can give your best self to your child with this family structure, then you're making the right decision.
From what I've observed of friends who are only children, their happiness and well-being has had a lot more to do with how attentive their parents are than whether or not they have siblings. I think that if your family feels right to you and you can give your best self to your child with this family structure, then you're making the right decision.
fallingapart
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@fallingapart Only you can really know that. However I will add a perspective as the oldest with a sibling that is a decent chunk younger than me. If u do have a second, donāt have them far apart. The older often becomes responsible for them in little ways here n there more n more often n itās just infuriating. The other things is when one of you die one day. Or both of you. Or the last one of usā¦ ur child is left with the responsibility sometimes. Ik my sibling who was 24 at the time. I in my 30s, he was a zombieā¦ when our mom died. Our parents divorced that year so it fell on me and him mainly me thankfully bc Iām the oldest. But he was emotionally incapable of dealing or doing any of those things. He was a shell. N I get it. They live in a different state so I asked him even to just check up on some things for me that I called the funeral home about n they tried to scam the living hell out of him. ($15,000 difference) so he just became this detached thing. Even with his little family. (He was about to be married). Iām not saying have another to have them be there. But this is a real thing that can happen. But Iām also now still 6 yrs later left with being āmomā. To our whole family. Even our dad of regretted the divorce after n spiraled. We wonāt go into that tho.
But only make the choice to have another child because you want to. I personally way before my mother died knew I wanted to kids close together. 2 yrs apart. I knew I wanted this spacing n I knew I wanted them to not be alone when I die. Their dad is much older than me (15 yrs) so the odds are thatās how itāll all play out. Every situation is different. Iām happy I had two. But two is way harder than one. You also donāt know what youāre gonna get. First. Simple easy baby. Second almost right away I knew something wasnāt right. Sensory seeking would bang his head into everything n anything n it never stopped. Found out he has autism. Heās impact seeking so ur talking years of like no sleep to stop him from smashing his head into everything. Their dad? Gone because āthat one is brokenā. So u never know. I regret nothing. He is now a good well adjusted kid who struggles at times n Iām still exhausted. But we have gotten past that. It took 5 yrs though.
But only make the choice to have another child because you want to. I personally way before my mother died knew I wanted to kids close together. 2 yrs apart. I knew I wanted this spacing n I knew I wanted them to not be alone when I die. Their dad is much older than me (15 yrs) so the odds are thatās how itāll all play out. Every situation is different. Iām happy I had two. But two is way harder than one. You also donāt know what youāre gonna get. First. Simple easy baby. Second almost right away I knew something wasnāt right. Sensory seeking would bang his head into everything n anything n it never stopped. Found out he has autism. Heās impact seeking so ur talking years of like no sleep to stop him from smashing his head into everything. Their dad? Gone because āthat one is brokenā. So u never know. I regret nothing. He is now a good well adjusted kid who struggles at times n Iām still exhausted. But we have gotten past that. It took 5 yrs though.
fallingapart
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@ceasar8 Wow thatās rough. I can see why that could be so exhausting as a mother taking on the care and responsibility all by yourself. It scares me what the second pregnancy could be like and idk Iād much rather be thankful the first one worked out the way it did and just keep it that way. Itās already so hard being a mom and on top of that finding out your child is going to struggle potentially for a long time. Itās a risk I donāt think I can take. At least not right now. Thank you for your input and I really do hope that you keep kicking ass as a mom. 
@fallingapart Oh youāre welcome. I just want to make sure there was some reality given. Because you never know. You canāt. I think often ppl glorify it too much. I donāt know if itās because it helps them cope etc. but itās a lot. I am definitely still kicking ass! I am very proud to say that the benefit is when my kids want to give up n theyāve seen some of the hard times ( u canāt always hide when u need a good cry) I never give up. It makes them never give up and keep trying n like im so proud of them for it. Like I took care of those kids alone bound to a wheel chair for 3 months last yr. N yup I totally burnt myself on the stove. lol. But I did it ever single day. Wasnāt perfect but we lived. U can do a lot more than u think just realize that.
confused71f3
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@fallingapart I'd rather have one child and know I definitely have enough time, attention, focus, patience, and money to give them a great childhood and life then risk trying to add more and overestimate on any of those things. People forget children are humans who turn into adults and both at both ends of it they have needs and as parents who chose to have them and bring them into this world, we owe them.
fallingapart
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@confused71f3 Exactly! My husband and I are in a great spot right now and we just want to focus on our daughter having a great life and being a great human being. Thank you for your input