Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[katrina2017]

@ernesjohnson me! I was adopted into a family, my dad had 3 kids already 10+ older than me

They came around a bit when I was younger, but when my parents divorced when I was 8 I never saw them again.

I'm 26 now and still don't know them. I've tried man, I've sent fb friend requests, msgs. anything to try and reconnect because I don't have any other family other than my daughter now, but nothing

They want nothing to do with me and I don't know why. I was just a kid when everything fell apart, I don't know why nobody cared. Definitely less than mediocre

 

[carter10]

@ernesjohnson I could’ve written this. I just have a very blah relationship with my sibling - nothing majorly problematic we’re just very different people and like all family relationships it’s a complete lottery as you don’t choose them - it’s just one of those things and yes I feel the same when only children mention longing for siblings I think they are imagining a perfect sibling relationship that patently rarely exists in reality.

 

[katrina2017]

@ernesjohnson My brother and I maybe text 3x a year. Haven’t seen him in person in around 5 years. He’s a nice enough guy. Just maybe not the best conversationalist. My husband is same with his sibs. Is cool with one brother but they maybe talk once a year. The other sibling there is little to no contact. No family drama or ill will in either case. I think people forget that kids grow up and get involved with their own families and just aren’t as invested in their family of origin.

 

[bluoval]

@ernesjohnson My sister died when she was 28 years old. It was devastating as the younger sibling to now be an only child even as an adult. I don't know if this applies here, but it is a thing that can happen.

 

[katrina2017]

@ernesjohnson I have a great relationship with my younger sister. She's one of my best friends. It wasn't always like this but we got closer as we reached adulthood. Our younger brother was the whimsical, ADD free spirit. We really didn't get along with him but it got better with age as we learned to accept our differences in personalities and sought to understand each other. Family was very important to him. He was killed 4 years ago.

 

[karisa4christ]

@katrina2017 I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a really interesting person.

 

[mila]

@ernesjohnson Only children pining for a sibling or trying to guilt those of us who are OAD makes me role my eyes. There’s just so much assumption behind it- assuming this fictitious person will be your BFF, you’ll be inseparable, friends for life, etc. I have 3 siblings- I’m the youngest. Oldest is a religious extremist who doesn’t believe women should have reproductive rights, second sister is also super religious but more..down to earth, but also has 3 kids and is super busy, and my 1 brother is child free but also a condescending jerk who I am distancing myself from. So I text one of my siblings fairly regularly, 1 gets a happy birthday and merry Christmas, and 1 I respond to when I receive a message but I don’t go out of my way to reach out. But even with all of that being said, I am so sad about my son not having a sibling when he’s older. Ugh.

 

[greglovee]

@ernesjohnson I’m an only raising an only. Part of my decision comes from seeing my (now ex) husband and his sibling interactions. I definitely romanticized sibling relationships at different times in my life. But my ex and his brother don’t really seem to have much of a bond (even butt beads still) and one of my oldest friends comes from a large family. And out of 6 he just isn’t very close to any of them. Like you said, absolutely nothing wrong with them, but they just aren’t that close. Really out into perspective that I was imagining this sort of built in BFF for my son and it isn’t necessarily what’s going to happen.

 

[romanschapter8]

@ernesjohnson Same for both me and my husband.

 

[tumisho]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre would be a good word for it. We don't really have much in common besides shitty parents, and we don't make much effort to see one another outside of greater family gatherings. We have a group text thread but that's pretty much the extent of our relationship. If we were not siblings we wouldn't have crossed paths to even become friends, we just don't have enough common interests. I'm glad to have them and all, especially since none of us have much relationship with our parents, but I don't think enough of our sibling relationship to feel like my own child would be missing out by not having any.

 

[deer]

@ernesjohnson Yeah I couldn't agree more, no history of abuse, but we just never had a genuine connection. I definitely resonate with the "we wouldn't be friends if we weren't siblings" part.

for context:
I'm 21 (near 22), and I'm in my 'calling-stuff-for-what-it-is' era. My younger sister moved out a few years ago (her and her boyfriend got a place) and my older brother moved back in simultaneously (following some financial trouble). Me and my sister were ALWAYS partners in crime, and we'd totally be friends if we weren't siblings. I can't say the same about my brother. We never truly had a close bond like you'd think brothers would. Our personalities just simply don't mix. The only thing that differentiates him from a stranger is the fact that we share parents. Initially I felt as though our relationship was better when he didn't live there, but frankly it was never a solid relationship in the first place.

My sister and I don't communicate/ hangout often (esp. since she moved out), but boy when we do hang out, it's like we were never apart! Ironically, him and my sister's relationship is worse, basically nonexistent. Most of the time my brother is a stranger. He isn't someone I prefer to talk to or spend a ton of time with, and is one of the very last people to call when I'm in trouble. My relationship with him isn't terribly different from my relationship with my now-estranged dad--who I also never had a genuine connection with. That's another Reddit for another day.

 

[nader1]

@ernesjohnson I have three. Two I have mediocre relationships with. We don’t talk. One I’m super close to. My husband has two sisters and they all have mediocre relationships with each other. Not great odds. Lol.

 

[robsgotmail]

@ernesjohnson Having a sibling was a big part of me deciding to be OAD. We have a dwindling relationship - none of us are interested in the other and we only see each other at birthdays with very little conversation between us. I don't really like my sister, honestly, so mediocre is maybe a stretch.

 

[busryde]

@ernesjohnson I'm an only child, and I have begged my parents at one point (or maybe several) in my life for a sibling.

I'm a fencesitter at being one and done, both from a mental health/physical standpoint, and also from seeing the sibling relationships around me. I have one friend who pretends her sibling doesn't exist. To the point she won't even say his name or acknowledge his existence unless she has to. I have another friend who has loved with her sibling and it was an entire headache as he would half ass the chores around the house.

On the other hand, my husband has a brother and although they were competitive, and had sibling hate, it has definitely mellowed out. My husband does not have the best memory, but he will make note of calling his brother every now and then to keep in touch.

My parents have close relationship with my aunt and uncle's. My dad has weekly video calls with his siblings, my mom keeps on touch with her sister over texts.

So honestly I have a mixed bag of other people's experiences and everyone has a different relationship.

 

[christianbella]

@ernesjohnson Yep. We only speak at family gatherings

 

[clo101]

@ernesjohnson I wouldn’t say I’m close with any of my siblings. We do things together a few times a year and don’t fight when we are together.

We do have a family group on Snapchat and things get posted daily. Mostly pictures of our kids with emoji responses and some small talk.

2 of my siblings are really close, but thats it.

It didn’t play a role in my being one and done

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@ernesjohnson I have 3 brothers and my relationships with each are vastly different. My older brother abused me physically and mentally for a large part of my childhood (it only stopped when I went to live full-time with my father) - we then had limited contact over the years, but for the last 5 or so years, I've essentially gone no-contact with him. He continues to have serious issues with his personal relationships, yet is gifted academically and is successful professionally. He is a nightmare to live with and his wife recently got the courage to end the marriage, after years of mental and emotional abuse, along with his constant infedility.

My brother who is 4 years younger than me (we have different fathers), is the one I have the most neutral/mediocre relationship with. We have some common interests, but otherwise have very different values. We don't fight or have any issues with one another, but we also are not really close; however, I do care for him. We don't spend much time together outside of special occasions, but I do spend more time with his son/my nephew as I offer to do occasional babysitting. I think he would be there to help me if I absolutely needed it, but he wouldn't be the first person I turn to.

My brother who is 11 years younger (different mothers) is the one I am close with; however our age difference means I always felt more like an Auntie than his sister, but it's been good that way. No rivalry/fighting/etc - if anything I've always been very protective of him; I see him always as the "baby", and just try to look out for him. We have similar personalities and just get along well; however, now that we are both adults, we each very much have our own lives. He recently moved to another state and has a goal to eventually move even further away for employment reasons- I know it will be even harder to see him than it already is. In an ideal world, I would like for us to live closer to each other, but I know that in today's world, people often choose to move away from family for a multitude of reasons (employment, romantic relationships or just pure desire to live in another locale!). It's simply not how it USED to be for many previous generations; my grandparents all had lots of siblings and they often settled nearby each other (even if they didn't get along) - there might be one odd sibling that lived out of the way, but many stayed close to the area they grew up in.

Even though I am close with one brother, I have no desire to have more children and raise them simultaneously! And based on my personal experience, one extra child wouldn't do the trick, I would need to have 3 (or more) to hope that my daughter MIGHT have a strong bond with one, the way I have with my youngest brother. I wouldn't care so much if I genuinely WANTED to have and raise a large brood (the hope for good sibling bonds would be secondary to my personal want for numerous children), but that desire is not there!! It's not guaranteed and I don't like the gamble. My daughter will be able to have a better quality of life by being my only. I don't feel guilty for "not providing a sibling" because she already has it better at 2.5 years old than I ever did!

 

[aaronq10]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre here. We get along, but are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, and therefore have very different values and opinions on how we navigate life. That said, I’m very thankful to have him with an old parent and another who just died from cancer. If it was just my dad and I… i would be so broken. Sadly to say, I’m only have one and I’m sorry to my kid, but without a village and with inflation and housing and college prices, I’m just not equipped.

 

[kevin_01]

@ernesjohnson Not me but my husband with his sibling. There’s been some stupid things done (by them) which annihilated what little relationship they once had.

 

[aryanpour]

@ernesjohnson Me. I have decent relationships with all my siblings, but they're not a part of my life really. Basically if they didn't exist that would change very little for me and they'd probably say the same about me.

I actually lost a brother to a tragedy a couple years ago and although I did have emotions about it, those were pretty much all just for my parents. Watching them lose a son was horrible and messed me up pretty bad. But as far as my own feelings about him dying? The biggest feeling is wonder/guilt that I don't have stronger feelings about it.