Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[jennifarmer]

@ernesjohnson My sister and I get along fine and talk for an hour every three months or so. We are fundamentally different but maintain our fairly superficial relationship. I hate to say this but if something were to happen to her, it wouldn’t impact me. In terms of having someone there for when our parents pass, as is often said as a reason to have multiples, my husband will be the person supporting me through that and not my sister.

 

[judilyn55]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre describes my sibling relationship (1 older brother) now. We are cordial enough for my son and his cousins to be friends and see each other around the holidays. We live very far away and I don’t feel I’m missing out on a sibling bond as adults or when we were young. We wouldn’t be friends and I wouldn’t even want to associate with him if we weren’t related. But honestly, my parents don’t have great relationships with their siblings, my husband doesn’t with his 3 siblings. I think mediocre happens a lot!

 

[ingridz]

@ernesjohnson My relationship with my siblings is p much non existent or yea mediocre I guess you might say. Same for my husband and his siblings.
I’m sure it played some small part in our deciding one works just fine for us.

 

[lavandersurreal]

@ernesjohnson This is definitely one reason I didn't want another. My younger brother and I only talked when he comes to visit our parents.

Honestly I only even do that because it would break my parents hearts if I didn't. Otherwise I want zero relationship with him.

 

[womanofprayer]

@ernesjohnson I have 0 relationship with my sister, I haven’t even seen her in over 15 years. Quite frankly, if she were to reappear, it would probably be a frightening situation as she can be dangerous (mental health and substance abuse, coupled with psychopathy). My husband has an ok relationship with his brother- I actually think I have a better relationship with him than he does. Our decision to be one and done was based on dozens of things, one of which was my sister. I have always said “don’t sacrifice a whole family to save one child”. My parents couldn’t be even mediocre parents to me because she was such an attention suck in our lives. I was adultified/parentified at a young age because they didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to treat me as a child with children’s needs. From the instant the seconds line on the pregnancy test came back I vowed that my child would have a full childhood. With none of the pressures I had as a kid. Even if that required having only her.

 

[jesusfreak76]

@ernesjohnson If I didn't rent from my brother, I'd probably never talk to him. We were never close. I like him well enough even though we agree on very little, but we just don't have a relationship to speak of or anything in common other than we grew up together.

 

[wine01740]

@ernesjohnson I’m 25 and my brother is 30. We don’t really talk besides wishing each other happy birthday or seeing each other during holidays at my parents. We’re cool though. My sister is 17 and we are closer but again, we don’t talk unless we are at our parents or whenever I call home. We all get along great though, we just have big age gaps and all are in different stages of our lives. I feel like if we weren’t siblings we wouldn’t be friends

 

[michael_sf]

@ernesjohnson I'm the youngest of 3 by a lot. My brother is 17 years older and also lives across the country. We never talk. I get updates about him and his family via our mother.

My sister is 11 years older than me and lives 2 miles away and we also almost never talk or even see each other.

 

[katrina2017]

@ernesjohnson My twin moved to the other side of the world and we go months without speaking and years without seeing each other. I’d love to say that I’m no longer heart broken by it, as this has been the situation for a long time now, but it still hurts. My own son is an only child and I have no qualms about that.

 

[davida50]

@ernesjohnson I have zero relationship with my sibling.

 

[nate2546]

@ernesjohnson Me! I have some good memories from when we were kids but my brother and I are very different and have never been close. I don’t dislike my brother, but we text for birthdays and see eachother on holidays. That’s about it. This is why I don’t feel the need to “give” my daughter a sibling - not all siblings are best friends or even close!

 

[smhjoc]

@ernesjohnson I talk to 1/3 of my siblings. We are just too busy and I guess not interested in making the effort! It’s honestly one of the reasons I am leaning toward OAD…”a sibling is a friend for life” LIES

 

[galinally]

@ernesjohnson This is the relationship I have with my brother. We see the world very differently, have very different interests and hobbies and life goals. We see each other maybe once a month at family functions and are friendly and chat, but nothing intense. We rarely call or text unless something important is happening. Our parents are our common thread.

Sure, we have some funny stories and a few special memories growing up, but we are not best friends. We shared the experience of growing up but even then, we have different perceptions of situations and events.

All in all, I do love my brother but it’s not the most important or fulfilling relationship I have. I’ll be there for him in tough times if he needs me, of course. But I find the most meaningful relationships I have are with those I’ve chosen and sought out on my own.

Tangential: a lot of people make the argument that only children will have to do all the care for their aging parents solo. Just due to my brother’s job and logistics and his overall ability (or lack there of) I will be the one doing all the elder care. My parents already have their funerals planned and their estate arranged. It will be split evenly between us but I will be the one executing their estate and doing everything that entails one day…without the help of my sibling.

 

[janeshofes]

@ernesjohnson I was just thinking today about how my Sister and brother-in-law shit talk about me in front of their kids and how one time my nephew took this to mean he could just slap me out of nowhere.

I love my brother but maybe talk to him twice a year and maybe see him every other year.

This 100% has informed my decision to be one and done.

 

[melodyt]

@ernesjohnson Yep, exactly the same. Extremely different interests and worldview from my sibling, I don’t like the direction he’s taken in his life and honestly basically we have an “agree to disagree” stance on almost everything so our relationship is extremely superficial.

I’ve characterized our relationship as “best with at least 1000 miles distance and contact no more than twice a year” and that’s basically where we’re at.

So yeah, I definitely have the perspective of like, siblings could be nice but also could be either a pain in the butt or basically a nonentity, so it’s kind of a crapshoot.

(And I have some comparison because my husband is reasonably close with his sister, although they had their ups and downs growing up. But now as adults they have several shared interests and we Zoom with her and her spouse almost every week. So I’m aware of what a relatively healthy sibling relationship could look like, too).

 

[ghassen]

@ernesjohnson Are you writing about my sibling relationship? You basically hit the nail on the head. And yes my relationship with my sibling influenced my life choices.

 

[barbiesun]

@ernesjohnson My (37f) sister and I are 5 years apart in age, and we’re just drastically different people. We hardly speak. She’s a hot mess, alcoholic, started using heroin when I was 13, caused tons of issues with my divorced parents. Has a 10 year old son she can barely care for so my mother does. My mother has never been able to focus any energy on me my entire life. My father left when I was a baby. Not only do I feel like a only child, I feel like an orphan. People say “she’s your only sister,” but I’ve seen her hit rock bottom several times. I’ve tried to help, but she’s so unappreciative. She will drain you energy, emotionally, and bank account and not feel a bit of remorse. Yeah, I’m working on these issues with a therapist now. Anyway, it makes me sad I don’t have a better relationship with my only sibling. I’m envious of the people that do.

 

[sinan]

@ernesjohnson I said this EXACT thing to a friend who told me it wasn’t fair that my son (14) doesn’t have a sibling.
My relationship with my sister isn’t particularly close. It’s ok but nothing to write home about. I was just diagnosed with cancer. I’m in a different state. I have friends who offered to get on a plane to come be with me. Not my sister.
My husband has 3 siblings. He talks to (once every 3 months) to one.
Just cos they’re blood means fuck all!!!

 

[confuscius]

@ernesjohnson I wanted a sibling for a long time, by the time I got it in 12 y.o, it was kinda... meh. Plus, I was parentified, since my parents divorced shortly after. They probably would've anyway, but it made my and my sibling's experiences in life even more different, because I basically grew in a somewhat full family to some extent, and I have a relationship with our dad, which they don't, I believe it really affected them.

We're practically of different generations, plus, being an immigrant family, I still was born in the other country, and those first 4 years I spent there were also quite influential. So we're just too different, and almost no contact now, after I've been such a bad parent to them (obviously, because I wasn't sensible enough to be a parent at 18-22, I was trying to build my own life!)

Right now I see that my problems wasn't due to lack of siblings, and I'm coming in terms with my life. My LO is not so little, she's almost 10, was recently diagnosed with ASD, but I'm confident she'll be alright, we have a very strong connection, and I believe that the connections you form with your parents can be replicated to others as you grow, so with our help and guidance, and having the attention and love we give in helping her navigate the world and supporting her - she'll be fine. And if I'll finally be able to focus on myself, I hope both me and my husband will live a long life beside her, leaving her in a good place in life so she'd go on ok.

I'm sure that almost all the only children who longed for a sibling didn't have enough attention from their parents, despite being their only, that's all. When you're loved and cherished, and your needs are addressed, you don't need a home-bound- playmate or someone to commisserate with.

 

[livia21]

@ernesjohnson We decided the reason of ‘to give him a sibling’ was the thinnest argument for having another. My husband has three siblings, isn’t hugely close to any of them. I live relatively close to my brother and we only see eachother maybe once a month if that and we don’t really talk much. I’ve tried but he’s not that great at replying so gave up. I can imagine if someone has a great relationship with their sibling it would make them want to replicate it with their own kids but it’s such a risk and I know more siblings that aren’t close than are so for us it was never a reason to have another one.