Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[darien%E2%9C%9D]

@ernesjohnson I have two sets of half siblings from my mom and dad. On my moms side no relationship with my brother and an okayish relationship with my sister. On my dads side I’d say it’s fine for there being a 18+ year age gap.

 

[mpromptu]

@ernesjohnson I had a fairly mediocre relationship with my sister (nothing *bad*, just sorta non-existent), until my wife and I had a baby, and now she is an amazing aunt to our boy - they love each other dearly, and she will drop everything to come look after him.

Having our son ended up making her a bigger part of our lives than otherwise.

 

[librarianjojo]

@ernesjohnson Your sibling relationship sounds a lot like mine. We’ve never had much of a relationship, until about a year ago when it turned extremely tense. My husband also has a strained relationship with his younger sibling even though they used to be close.

This didn’t really influence our decision to stop at one but it’s helped me feel confident we aren’t necessarily depriving our son of anything magical.

 

[joyfulme]

@ernesjohnson Im the youngest of five. 2/5 dont talk to the family at all, completely no contact. The other two siblings I have a good relationship with but we aren’t super close.

 

[1972]

@ernesjohnson My sister is and was like my child...I worry about her like she is my own child and sometimes I even accidentally say her name when I mean to say my son's name. This says a lot because our age gap is moderate (6 yrs) and now that we are in our 30s , it doesn't feel like much. I deeply care for her and her well being so while that was the goal for my parents it takes away from my capacity to have more children... I would be spread too thin. I acknowledge that this is my personality but in some ways I have this personality because I was parentified.

 

[sogon]

@ernesjohnson The more kids you have the high likelihood that one will be a total fuck up. We have 1 out of 3.

 

[billie230990]

@ernesjohnson I am close with my “full” siblings, but that is the result of a lot of trauma bonding.

 

[corta]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre here. We were pretty close growing up but in early adulthood he started distancing himself and I realized he just liked playing the role of “protective older brother” more than actually caring about me. Our politics are very different and he couldn’t reconcile that, while I was able to separate our opinions from our relationship. We grieved some big life events differently and he’s never been more distant than in recent years. We text approximately 4-5 times a year (including birthdays and Christmas) and I see him even less despite living in the same city. He’s never provided anything but stress to me in times when I needed support.

 

[cloudvii]

@ernesjohnson My sister and I only exchange formalities at weddings and funerals now. Yes our relationship now did encourage me to stick to just one kid because I’d personally rather miss a sibling that never was than one that ignores my existence.

 

[axoflegend]

@ernesjohnson Mine is a mix. I'm the oldest of 4. My brother is next, and we're not super close because he lives across the country, but we get along and enjoy spending time together at holidays. Then comes a sister, and she's one of my best friends. We're super close and text every day. The youngest is another sister, and she's like a different species from me. We have nothing in common, our personalities are completely different, and if it weren't for the fact that I adore her kids, I'd avoid her entirely. I just don't like her, and being around her makes me really uncomfortable.

 

[miamor]

@ernesjohnson Me and my sister are closer now. But growing up she would make my life hell.

 

[2c710]

@ernesjohnson I’m somewhere in the middle. Literally the middle child. My older sister and i barely talk, but my younger sister and I are inseparable. We even bought houses like 6 houses away from each other. I love having a sibling but you’re right, having a sibling absolutely does not equate to having a friend for life.

 

[discipleofchrist1]

@ernesjohnson A slightly different perspective. If my sister and I were not related, we would have nothing in common. We share a trauma-bond, and love each other. Our relationship has had many different forms, one where I was more mother, one where I've been more of a big sister, times when she stepped up to help (saved!) me, and now, she is my best friend. However, I'm also extremely close to my best friend, in that I can talk to either one of them about anything. If I didn't have my sister, I wouldn't be lonely. (As in, if she had never existed. I'd be crushed to lose her now.)

I have 5 other siblings, and apart from happy birthday and merry Christmas, we don't talk much. It's a shame, because my older siblings and I get on great when we are near each other.

I have an only child. My nephew is an only child and is the one who made me realize it's all okay. He said having a sibling would be cool, but he doesn't feel like he's missing anything. He has friends and cousins and now, as an adult, he has an adult life with a partner and pets.

 

[plentyofpaper]

@ernesjohnson Yup, I have mediocre relationships with my siblings. I enjoy our time together and we have fun at family gatherings, but like you said, I wouldn’t be friends with them if they weren’t my siblings. All three of us are just super different. Same with my husband and his sister.

This does not directly impact our decision to be OAD. Rather, it’s just a fact that happens to support our decision.

 

[robynhymn]

@ernesjohnson I’m not really sure I would call it a relationship at all. Nothing really happened. We just don’t live close to each other and have our own lives. We don’t have much in common either.

 

[dpfocanil]

@ernesjohnson My husband has 3 brothers. They are all so very different to him and parent so differently than we do that I actually can’t remember when we last saw them intentionally. They’re not people he’d be friends with if he met them fresh, so they’re not in our lives. (I actively dislike them for a variety of reasons, but he’s a grownup and can do what he wants, so I’m not restricting his access to them).

We’re one and done because I refuse to be pregnant again and kids are expensive AF and we like takeout and travel.

 

[actor4life20]

@ernesjohnson Not close to my sibling at all. He only contacts me when he needs something and acts like he's entitled to my help. I will invite him to family dinners, but only to appease my parents. Even when he's not responsible for anything other than showing up at the party he's very late (and no apologies), rude, complains about the food, etc. I will add that he does have some learning disabilities and I feel that my parents expect me to cater to him even though he's down right mean to me. The good news is my husband and I plan on leaving the state soon so that will be nice.

Another side note about siblings and the whole "they'll need siblings when you die" BS. No, no they won't. I've seen multiple instances when a parent dies it becomes a full on battleground and non stop fighting and bickering. Heck, one branch of the family ended up going to court to fight over the will. So nothing is promised.

 

[kosherinchrist]

@ernesjohnson One of my brothers passed away after about 8 years of semi-abusive relationship and my other brother is incarcerated. I am solely in charge of my parents well being while mourning what could have been and tryingggg to raise my daughter in a happy healthy and functional family. It is hard. My parents did the best they could.

 

[lake356]

@ernesjohnson I am one of 7. I have 3 siblings from my mom and 3 siblings from my dad. I don't speak to any of them.

 

[mkultra777]

@ernesjohnson I have two siblings, one is very much a bestie, the other I am low contact with because they’re difficult to have a relationship with. They make these “jokes” that are not funny but just aggressive and even mean. They are also very quick to anger, super defensive, etc. I could never even offer kind, constructive criticism without possibly stepping on a land mine.

It’s a crapshoot with siblings! I’m OAD, no regrets. My child has friends who are like family to her, she can choose her family, and I like to think of that as empowering.