Currently over here sleep-deprived and questioning every parenting decision I've made... Send help!
- Thread starter pickledcarrots
- Start date
@pickledcarrots It’s hard to identify a rough patch when you’re in the middle of it, but that might very well be what you’re dealing with.
samuelharper91
New member
@pickledcarrots You got this! Not much advice to give because I’m still in the 4.5 month phase... sending love! It does sound like she’s in a growth spurt! I don’t like CIO but I did gradual weaning from soothing methods like being in the rocker etc, and it definitely worked! It just needs persistence, patience, and time. I preferred to do that vs CIO, but each to their own!
itsthethreeonesix
New member
@pickledcarrots We do a floor bed in her own room. Nurse to sleep, then I roll away. I've found for all of my kids they are more likely to wake up if someone else is sleeping in the same room, rolling around and making noise.
The first 2 times baby wakes up I go nurse to sleep and them come back to my own bed. If there are more wake ups then I go sleep with them. (Teething/sickness/vaccine days etc I know to expect some extra wake ups.) It's a good compromise between cosleeping and independent sleep.
Btw I sleep much deeper when I'm not sleeping with the baby (which makes sense) which means much better sleep.
The first 2 times baby wakes up I go nurse to sleep and them come back to my own bed. If there are more wake ups then I go sleep with them. (Teething/sickness/vaccine days etc I know to expect some extra wake ups.) It's a good compromise between cosleeping and independent sleep.
Btw I sleep much deeper when I'm not sleeping with the baby (which makes sense) which means much better sleep.
einstein56
New member
@pickledcarrots That sounds like a really rough couple of nights, I'm sorry. It's even harder when you are already sleep deprived! We were in a very similar place around 9 months and it was rough. In our case it went on for a while (like.. 3 or 4 months?) so we did end up making changes. My understanding is that temporary sleep disturbances usually last between a couple of days and a couple of weeks so if you would prefer to keep things the way they are you can see if things settle back down soon. If things don't get better I would think about making some changes but that doesn't necessarily mean CIO.
We did end up doing sleep training. Baby and I were already sleeping in his room on a floor bed; we kept that setup and it was a little rough at first (for the first month or so baby would wake up after an hour or two and crawl around) but after baby settled into everything it's been great. He's almost two now and is great about staying in bed--almost too good, I wish he would get up and entertain himself in the morning but he won't get out of bed until we come get him. We did sleep training just for the initially falling asleep step, after baby woke up I would cosleep with him. I know lots of people think that's a dumb idea but it worked for us. Eventually baby slept in 4+ hour stretches and at that point I started sleeping in my actual bed and just going to baby when he woke up. That step really helped, I think that my presence would wake him up at night and encourage him to stay awake (for hours, it sucked). I guess we could have switched cold turkey to sleep training/no cosleeping and that transition might have happened faster? But this felt more gentle to me and I didn't have to agonize about the 'right' thing to do in the middle of the night. He still wakes up once a night so he is far from a great sleeper but it is leaps and bounds better.
We did end up doing sleep training. Baby and I were already sleeping in his room on a floor bed; we kept that setup and it was a little rough at first (for the first month or so baby would wake up after an hour or two and crawl around) but after baby settled into everything it's been great. He's almost two now and is great about staying in bed--almost too good, I wish he would get up and entertain himself in the morning but he won't get out of bed until we come get him. We did sleep training just for the initially falling asleep step, after baby woke up I would cosleep with him. I know lots of people think that's a dumb idea but it worked for us. Eventually baby slept in 4+ hour stretches and at that point I started sleeping in my actual bed and just going to baby when he woke up. That step really helped, I think that my presence would wake him up at night and encourage him to stay awake (for hours, it sucked). I guess we could have switched cold turkey to sleep training/no cosleeping and that transition might have happened faster? But this felt more gentle to me and I didn't have to agonize about the 'right' thing to do in the middle of the night. He still wakes up once a night so he is far from a great sleeper but it is leaps and bounds better.
pickledcarrots
New member
@einstein56 /@einstein56 I like your username! 
It sounds like we're both using a strategy that's basically, "do what works until it doesn't, or isn't sustainable anymore."
I'm definitely going to reduce her dependence on a boob for falling asleep, and hopefully this weekend we can try soothing her back to sleep without some of the overnight feedings. I don't need to night wean yet, but I'd love to get down to maybe one or two feedings, instead of 3+.
We've also been talking about me co-sleeping in her room with her, because my husband is working nights right now, and so sometimes she wakes up when he comes to bed. He'd sleep in the other room, but it's a whole thing with geriatric special needs dogs, etc. Our lives are very full right now, haha... I feel like the "this is fine" dog.
It sounds like we're both using a strategy that's basically, "do what works until it doesn't, or isn't sustainable anymore." I'm definitely going to reduce her dependence on a boob for falling asleep, and hopefully this weekend we can try soothing her back to sleep without some of the overnight feedings. I don't need to night wean yet, but I'd love to get down to maybe one or two feedings, instead of 3+.
We've also been talking about me co-sleeping in her room with her, because my husband is working nights right now, and so sometimes she wakes up when he comes to bed. He'd sleep in the other room, but it's a whole thing with geriatric special needs dogs, etc. Our lives are very full right now, haha... I feel like the "this is fine" dog.
bornagain95
New member
@pickledcarrots Not sure what your (or her) stance on pacifiers is but when she starts to fall asleep while eating I quickly put the pacifier where my nipple is and do a quick switch. It makes it much easier to then stand up and get her in her crib without having her wake up too much or complain for too long. I’ve been doing this since week two and it nearly always works!
pickledcarrots
New member
@bornagain95 Great idea, except she cares exactly zero about pacifiers, unfortunately. Maybe tmi, but I think they're maybe too big compared to my nipple? Plus no milk.
bornagain95
New member
@pickledcarrots Is there such a thing as TMI on a parenting sub lol
Yeah we are still using the newborn size seven months in. The six month + ones make her gag and she hates it. And it must be Mam. All other brands are beneath her apparently.
Yeah we are still using the newborn size seven months in. The six month + ones make her gag and she hates it. And it must be Mam. All other brands are beneath her apparently.
hayley1980
New member
@pickledcarrots So I have had a lot of success giving my baby what they think they want when they are in any transitional phase. I wait to introduce new stuff when all the other variables are vibing, no tooth pain, no sleep loss...etc. if they want to nurse, do it. If they want to party at 3 am. Let them do it without you engaging them at all. Signaling its quiet time. Especially whiten co sleeping. Mine would liked to wiggle himself out I mean real gymnastics but then lay back down and sleep after 10 minutes of looking like Freddie Mercury on stage.
None of the things really stuck like nursing to sleep when he was in pain, didn't lead to sleep nursing becoming a thing. I say make them feel as safe and comfy as possible. Frozen blueberries for teeth is awesome.
None of the things really stuck like nursing to sleep when he was in pain, didn't lead to sleep nursing becoming a thing. I say make them feel as safe and comfy as possible. Frozen blueberries for teeth is awesome.
@pickledcarrots We had a similar experience and timeline with one of our twins. We were cosleeping with her on the floormat and then she just started rolling all over, being unable or uninterested in going back down with milk. My parenting style is do what’s easy until it’s no longer easy and for us, it was a sign that we should try other things.
We started a gentle sleep training method that I completely made up by reading all the books and picking what I liked. We went super slow. We decided to go to the crib with ours so I basically just started out by moving the crib into our room and sleeping next to her. Then getting her used to going down without milk. Then not doing the overnight milk buffet thing (precious little sleep has great tips here). Then we moved the crib into her room, I slept in there, then moved out. Just very slow and not forcing anything but gentle nudges. We did have to do a slight CIO the first night we put them down and left. One cried hard for about 8 minutes and passed out. One sort of complained for about 30 minutes. It was really rough on us honestly but I think it would have been longer if I hadn’t done like 2 months of preparation. Totally understand why some jump straight to CIO though because after that first night, putting them down was cake. Now they sleep independently and go down without us.
I’m grateful we did things this way and didn’t rush it. I think it was what was best for us. But I think everyone has different priorities and difficulties. I loved our time going to bed together early and snuggling. But now I really cherish my time with my husband after they go to sleep. I think the timing was perfect.
We started a gentle sleep training method that I completely made up by reading all the books and picking what I liked. We went super slow. We decided to go to the crib with ours so I basically just started out by moving the crib into our room and sleeping next to her. Then getting her used to going down without milk. Then not doing the overnight milk buffet thing (precious little sleep has great tips here). Then we moved the crib into her room, I slept in there, then moved out. Just very slow and not forcing anything but gentle nudges. We did have to do a slight CIO the first night we put them down and left. One cried hard for about 8 minutes and passed out. One sort of complained for about 30 minutes. It was really rough on us honestly but I think it would have been longer if I hadn’t done like 2 months of preparation. Totally understand why some jump straight to CIO though because after that first night, putting them down was cake. Now they sleep independently and go down without us.
I’m grateful we did things this way and didn’t rush it. I think it was what was best for us. But I think everyone has different priorities and difficulties. I loved our time going to bed together early and snuggling. But now I really cherish my time with my husband after they go to sleep. I think the timing was perfect.
pickledcarrots
New member
@jd4christ Your parenting style sounds similar to mine. I was not sleeping training because it was easy enough, and when she sleeps solidly other than brief periods when I pop a boob in her mouth, it's fine. I'd love longer stretches, but I just figured we'd get there.
Well, that's not working anymore, and we've been slowly having a harder time with sleep until it took a sharp nosedive this week. So, time to change.
Also, I can't even fathom how people manage with twins. You must be some kind of superhero, seriously.
Well, that's not working anymore, and we've been slowly having a harder time with sleep until it took a sharp nosedive this week. So, time to change.
Also, I can't even fathom how people manage with twins. You must be some kind of superhero, seriously.
randall1022
New member
@pickledcarrots Honestly 9/10 months is when we did night weaning and moved out of the room. We didn't co sleep, but our dude went from 1 wake up to 4 or 5 despite drinking 40+ounces of formula and 3 meals and 2 snacks during the day and was waking up 45+ minutes early.
We moved out of the room and that first night was just seeing how many night wakings he had with us gone to determine how we'd night wean. Well it was 1 wake up, and by the time we got up there with a bottle, he was back to sleep, and then slept an additional half hour past normal.
For us we did do CIO the first time for sleep training when he was younger, and we responded to all wake ups, even though some were delayed responses. When we night weaned, we waited 5 minutes after the first night, and then went in if he was awake still with a bottle. Then 8 minutes. Then 10. After 3 days we haven't had an issue and he's slept through since and he's 20 months.
We moved out of the room and that first night was just seeing how many night wakings he had with us gone to determine how we'd night wean. Well it was 1 wake up, and by the time we got up there with a bottle, he was back to sleep, and then slept an additional half hour past normal.
For us we did do CIO the first time for sleep training when he was younger, and we responded to all wake ups, even though some were delayed responses. When we night weaned, we waited 5 minutes after the first night, and then went in if he was awake still with a bottle. Then 8 minutes. Then 10. After 3 days we haven't had an issue and he's slept through since and he's 20 months.
@pickledcarrots 8-10 months is honestly often the worst part of the first year, sleep wise. NORMAL. But so hard! (Credentials... I’m a holistic sleep coach, no CIO methods, pro-bedsharing for those who want to.) I would say that if you want to try to get your little one into a crib... you’re right on the edge of your window. It’s pretty hard to introduce a crib to a baby over 9 months who hasn’t had one before, unless they are super easy going. But you don’t have to. There will be ups and downs and you can keep co-sleeping and it will most likely get better. You could also consider a floor bed for baby? All this to say, there are many options you could try that aren’t CIO. But even if you do nothing, this is most likely a rough phase and it won’t last forever. Sleep is so all over the place for many kids, for at least 2 years. Hang in there, try to get a sleep-in yourself at least once or twice a week.
inventor4yeshuah
New member
@pickledcarrots I have a 26 month old and I followed pretty much the same routine/setup as you have. My LO was a terrible sleeper and I always envied other mums who talk about their sleepy babies. But we followed the parenting style that fit with who we were and we have no regrets. Despite all the advice here and stuff that you will research upon, always follow what YOU think is right foe YOUR situation. Don’t just try something because it worked for someone else, I’ve done a lot of that out of desperation and never saw the returns. Here’s my journey.
- I’m still breast feeding and co-sleeping at 26m. There’s an odd feed in the night and most nights are okay on sleep. LO goes to bed around 9pm and wakes at 7am and these are decent hours for our routine. A mid day nap can be anywhere between 30mins to two hours. On some day we wake up rested, but there will always be an odd night that makes you question everything you’re doing.
- We were co-sleeping on a floor bed for a few months (LO was around 8-9m) but it didn’t work for us as LO kept running out of bed, and switched to a child cot with guard rails next to our bed with one side open so it was a continuous sleeping space. The bigger annoyance with the floor bed was that my husband and I had to sleep separately due to the arrangement.
- We now have a really wide bed, (single and a king attached) so we all have enough space, with kicking, rolling and other movement no one gets hurt.
- Never used a pacifier as it wasn’t something anyone in my family used. I think we had a long comfortable breastfeeding journey because of that, with no biting etc. But I could just be lucky. If the pacifier works for you, totally go for it.
@pickledcarrots Can you make your husband get up with her for a while? I have been co-sleeping with my 15-month-old son his whole life and making his father get up with him every other night when I need to sleep in has made all the difference. Even if he just brings him back to bed to nurse for 15 minutes and then takes him downstairs again is really all I need to get enough sleep to feel sane.
scottpilgrim
New member
@pickledcarrots The best parenting advice I've ever received has been not to create long term solutions to short term problems.
I don't have any great sleep advice, I had a horrible sleeper who flipped a switch (on his own) one day and started being a great sleeper. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure it's a solution that won't make things difficult for you all long term.
Good luck!
I don't have any great sleep advice, I had a horrible sleeper who flipped a switch (on his own) one day and started being a great sleeper. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure it's a solution that won't make things difficult for you all long term.
Good luck!
@pickledcarrots I vote give her a dose of ibuprofen before bed. She's in pain and basically taking it out on you. This is probably just a bad week/temporary situation & hence a temporary solution like baby pain relief is a good idea. I see nothing wrong with your routine/choices whatever you want to call it. I have a similar set up with my Bebe, now 2 1/2 years.