Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[robnox]

@ernesjohnson Wasn’t so much my siblings it was more that my mom couldn’t afford all of us but had us anyway. She meant well but who really wants to keep that child at 16? Sorry I’m salty for what it’s worth I’m super close to both siblings (middle child) but they are not close and never noticed that. Overall I wanted to break the cycle and generational poverty by having one .

 

[gwwhaley]

@ernesjohnson I’m an only child but my husband has no relationship with his sister. We used to. But at this point we likely wouldn’t even attend her funeral. It’s been almost 7 years no contact.

 

[cookiedough7177]

@ernesjohnson Brother who is 15 months younger than me… haven’t talked in 10 years since our mother died. That’s a lot of life to miss.

My younger sister is perhaps the closest with me - but we are still very different people. Sometimes I wonder if we would even hang out or talk if we weren’t related.

My youngest brother is almost like a child to me sometimes - he’s needed a lot of help, ranging from college to early adulthood and our dad pretty much sucks at anything parental and financial-related so of course I have to step in and help.

Siblings are definitely over-rated.

 

[roxana123]

@ernesjohnson I would say this describes me and my sister. We don’t talk to eachother a whole lot except to exchange memes. Rarely hang out if it’s not with our parents. We don’t fight or anything. But we are two very different people and I actually think she’s one of the reasons I struggled with self esteem because she would bully me or act better than me. And there was someone to compare myself to who was traditionally doing better than me. And in some ways still is! I was the late bloomer and shy. She’s been more of a firecracker and “on time” with things. Even ahead of the new norm for timelines. So that can be a downside. Comparison. One sibling getting more spotlight.

Other than that, I would say the upside is having someone to back you up against your parents. 2 vs 2 is better than 2 vs 1. Having someone to play with is nice but I had friends too. I’m sure as we get older and our parents age, we might lean on each-other more. But once you’re out of your parents house, you probably won’t see your siblings as much since you’re both living your own lives.

I never really considered my sister as a reason for being one and done (I have none yet. But leaning towards one). It’s more about financials and my own stress levels and knowing my limits. But maybe there’s something unconsciously motivating me that could have to do with my relationship with my younger sister. I’ve always wanted to just devote my energy to one kid.

 

[scientartist]

@ernesjohnson Close as kids, drama of adulthood made us amicable when together but rarely talk. He’s 2.5 years older.

My husband and friends are my chosen family

 

[jrchristian]

@ernesjohnson I'm the oldest of 4. Two of my siblings I get along with but one I do not at all. We all live hundreds of miles apart through so it's all through text.

 

[divinejourney]

@ernesjohnson Best friends with one. Haven’t seen the other ones in at least 10 years and don’t feel even a little sad about it.

I’m one and done because of financial and personal reasons, but I also know having siblings doesn’t mean they will be best friends.

 

[jane_doe]

@ernesjohnson I basically don't talk to any of my three brothers. We're not on bad terms, we get along fine, we just don't talk lol my relationship with them was unrelated to my decision to be OAD, though.

 

[clivei]

@ernesjohnson I have an older brother and sister and I don't have many memories of my sister and I doing anything together when I was a child. She was 4 years older than me and she never played Barbie's or anything with me. She didn't have those typical big sis protective instincts, so she would be with her friends all the time and never wanted me to tag along.

We got along better as young adults and bonded more when she had her first child, but shortly after she joined a religious cult and our relationship was devastated from it, leading to some very hurtful conversations and her moving to another country with her husband and kids to be with this cult. That was six years ago. I have visited her there once and she has come back for Christmas twice, but we can't have deep conversations without arguing. It's a surface level relationship.

My brother and I are 1.5 years apart and he was my best friend growing up. Now he lives 5 minutes from me and has 4 kids. He's pretty busy but we always make time for family dinners and outings a few times a month.

 

[gracielynn]

@ernesjohnson I was very close with my younger brother when we were growing up, he is only 2 years younger. We went to school together most of our lives. We had a large overlapping group of friends and very often went to the same parties and events together.

Long story short, he's now an alt-right "libertarian" (but claims to not be "republican", as if that distinction matters) -- while I'm a very left-leaning socialist feminist. He listens to Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, etc. He talks down to me and is even patronizing to our very intelligent mother at times.

When we do hang out I try my best to remember those days when we were in high school and share fun little stories about the people we knew. But his weirdly young girlfriend (most likely will be his wife one of these days) is equally conservative (pick-me) so he's pretty stuck in that world now. I miss the old him.

For context, our family was always pretty non-traditional. My Mom was the breadwinner and my Dad was the "sensitive" parent and did most of the cooking and cleaning. It's odd that my brother turned out the way he did, but I mostly blame YouTube algorithms.

 

[mnzrt]

@ernesjohnson I’m OAD, and it’s definitely (at least in part) bc of the poor sibling relationships I have with my 2 sisters. But, there’s a lot of mental illness, trauma and personality disorders at play (for some background). Given that I don’t enjoy or value a relationship with my siblings, I definitely did not see it as a “must” for my child.

 

[mariamelody]

@ernesjohnson I am the first of 4 and was pegged as the stereotypical pushy oldest kid. That might be because my parents would give me a list of things to force my siblings to do while they were at work. Don’t think I had the skills to get them to do that work and it was a lot of stress. I also did not ever feel like I could talk to my parents because they always had to worry about my younger siblings.

Fast forward to today and I still feel like an outsider in my family. I am often the butt of most jokes. I wish I had a closer relationship with my siblings, but it often feels very one-sided. It makes me very sad. I take refuge in my found family of friends.

 

[jordankovacs1]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre for sure. My brother is 4 years younger than me, we honestly get along fine on a very surface level. But we are completely different people in almost every way humanly possible.

My husband is the youngest of four, he’s much younger than his siblings and the rest are all very close in age. Again, we get along fine but on a very mediocre surface level. It basically feels like he’s an only child with older cousins, not much of a sibling relationship there either.

We have a lot of factors influencing OAD, infertility, not wanting to give up being financially comfortable, and overall valuing my sanity. However I certainly don’t feel obligated to “give” my unborn child a sibling, because I know firsthand that there’s no guarantee they’d be friends.

 

[believe_n_the1]

@ernesjohnson I have a stepsister and a brother. Neither of which I’m close to. My brother has autism, and we have never been close. Its just the nature of things at 30 and 32.
My stepsister and I are the same age, and just over the years we’ve grown apart a ton. Not bc we don’t like each other, but life is busy and we have different lifestyles. We primarily keep up with each other through our parents. But, when we get together it’s like nothing has changed.
My husband and I decided to have two, even though I was convinced I was OAD during my first pregnancy. But, the reality is they may not be close forever and that’s okay. We parent to their relationship with us, not with each other. We hope they are close, but we can’t guarantee that.
My husband also has two siblings that he isn’t close with either. So, it could go either way.

 

[jesus_christ_our_lord]

@ernesjohnson I do. And I have four of them.

 

[angelface5076]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre at best, distant at worst. One sister moved across the globe, the other married an abusive asshole that she chose over all her family and friends.

 

[eagle123]

@ernesjohnson Huh. Never thought of it that way, but yeah actually that’s not a bad assessment. My husband and I agreed to be OAD from the get go.
We BOTH have mediocre relationships with our siblings lol. I think, in part, due to the age difference between both my husband and our siblings. Also, as much as I do dearly love my brother (and husband, his), my brother was hard to grow up with bc of misdiagnosed developmental disorders.

 

[ablessing2u]

@ernesjohnson I have 5 siblings: a combination of whole siblings and half siblings from both parents.

I would describe most of them as good. I guess age is a factor. I'm the youngest and my siblings are 4, 14, 16, 18 and 19 years older than me. So some were already in college and away before I was born. We get together a few times a year, but we don't talk on a regular basis.

So we all pretty much have separate lives, other than my next youngest brother.

I saw them a lot on school breaks and holidays and things like that. Sometimes I'd have overnights at their houses and we'd go out and do things.

My closest brother in age was too cool for me, so he left me behind a lot. Now he needs me a lot in adulthood. He also has a lot of mental health issues and is... just very selfish. No other way to say it. So he changed as a teen and our relationship has changed as a result. I miss who my brother was, and I always wonder how our lives would have been different if he was who he was before.

Our relationship is kind of "meh" now. Brothers children are in limbo and might need to be adopted out, so I think that's a factor now.

I would say overall that sibling relationships are what they put into them. And I think that parents can be both a help and a hindrance at any age fostering the sibling relationships.

I have 3 kids and they all have great relationships. I have one bio child and I adopted my son's younger half brother and sister. (I wanted to be one and done. Life had other plans).

2 boys 11 and 10 and a 5 year old girl. Our little girl is very... spirited and she can definitely keep up with the boys.

Our boys are so close because they basically grew up together, and still choose to share a room, so that's a factor too. At times they're nice to their baby sister, and other times she beats them up (there is no manual for that), so it all just depends

 

[pard]

@ernesjohnson I get along well with my siblings and whenever we visit we have a great time. I talk to them on the phone a maybe every-other month. We don’t live near each other and we are not best friends. It’s basically a distant friendship that is great when face-to-face but hard to keep momentum when away. So better than mediocre, but not the ideal “BFF for life” people talk about when saying you should produce more kids.

 

[shepherdgirl]

@ernesjohnson My older brother and I are NC (he’s basically a narcissist) and my little brother has Down syndrome. So, my OAD having siblings doesn’t matter to me in some ways— it’s still going to be me alone (and my sweet spouse) caring for my parents/younger brother in the end. We still are OAD not by choice (tried IVF, surrogacy, all the things) but I do remind myself why we stopped trying after one round of each.