The 'not your birthday present' tradition my M.I.L started

[belovedsone]

@jackiecline I’m with you OP. Birthdays are for the birthday kid. Sorry you didn’t get a say in this one, it has to be hard to swallow every year.

 

[robster1981]

@jackiecline Seems from the original post/comments you're doing all that you can. I don't agree with the practice either but if you can't talk to your family (much as having those conversations are necessary) all you can do is discuss with your little ones that it's unusual for others to get gifts on someone else's birthday and really lean into how special each of their birthdays are to you when they come around. Maybe the birthday girl doesn't get a typical gift from you anymore but gets to make a request of you/spend a day of her choosing with you, etc.

Just means you'll need to get more creative to make someone feel special, provided they're not feeling special to begin with.

 

[jonathanbchristian]

@jackiecline Learning to be happy when your friends and family succeed and you don't is a very important life skill.

People who can't handle disappointment are a nightmare.

 

[becausegodlovesus]

@jackiecline Yeah, that "everyone gets a medal" kind of child raising is going to be a problem when they get into the working world. I feel for you, OP. Stay strong and keep pushing on that one. They need to be happy for their sibling when it's their birthday instead of expecting a present themselves.

 

[jackiecline]

@becausegodlovesus Agreed. It's sad to see. They get to the point where they get disappointed now when they get like only a board game.

 

[raphelmathew]

@jackiecline Yayy, more shit

 

[flyingelephants]

@jackiecline Yeah not a great idea honestly. I get where they’re coming from but probably shouldn’t even do a token gift much less something elaborate.

 

[djkatt17]

@jackiecline I don’t believe in stuff like this… treating kids equally doesn’t mean that everybody gets a present just because one of them does.

I had a family member who didn’t celebrate Christmas so we got their kid presents the week before Christmas and didn’t put any Christmas themed wrapping on it.

I think that was nice but I don’t agree with giving kids presents on someone else’s birthday lol, or even if it’s a random gift I don’t see why everyone needs one as long as one person is the only one getting treats from time to time.

 

[suneynamine]

@jackiecline Oof, i'm with you on this. I had to veto this with my wife.

Conversely in an extended effort to calm down the selfishness of their own birthday and christmases we've started to do a charitable donation on each of these days. Our daughter gets to help us choose where the donation goes and we'll discuss how important it is to help others, even on our birthdays.

Added bonus to this you get to discover some new and pretty interesting charities. I had no idea that guinea pig refuges were a thing until she decided she wanted to help guinea pigs this christmas.

 

[lackinininsight]

@jackiecline Totally with you. My wife gives presents from the frickin Easter bunny.

 

[derekh]

@lackinininsight My wife brings presents home for no reason at all and it irks me to no end. Presents don't mean anything if they're given all the time.

It's an ongoing back and forth in our house. She's slowly coming around.

 

[kimberlylynn]

@jackiecline Start buying your FIL not your special day gifts for your MILs birthday and for Mother’s Day.

 

[mattthestampede]

@jackiecline this post is giving me second hand anger. im gonna go for a walk

edit: just to make sure, im with OP, this is just infuriating

 

[adesolution]

@jackiecline Ultimately, it's not a big deal.

This won't make your kids spoiled or any other such nonsense.

But, if you don't like it, don't do it. Your kids, your rules

 

[y2suh]

@jackiecline You're in the right. That would bother me as well. It's the same thing with Christmas. Buy my kid all these presents and say it's from Santa. I'm a firm believer of Santa gives you one present and the rest are from us.

 

[crystal1672]

@jackiecline I think you have a point, and I would directly ask my MIL (or insist my wife do so since she has the better relationship with her) to stop doing it. Birthdays are supposed to be about celebrating someone else. It’s important for kids to learn that it’s not all about them, and that some days someone else gets presents while you just smile along.

The closest example I have is when one of my kids earns a treat for something they did, like my oldest gets a snack from the vending machine every time he scores a goal in hockey, and my middle gets an M&M every time he goes peepee on the potty. At first the other would get jealous and ask where their treat is, but I would explain it’s the other person’s moment right now and that sometimes they get something when the other doesn’t, and sometimes the other doesn’t when they do.

There was one time where my MIL was at hockey too and offered to get the other child a treat from the vending machine too since he was getting upset/jealous but fortunately my wife step in and said no.

 

[giveitachance]

@jackiecline Yep, MIL does this too. Wife tried doing it but I put my foot down (not really, we’ve honest conversations where I made her realize it’s not appropriate). I understand doing this when they’re young, like 2 or 3, since they don’t understand why their sibling is getting all the attention that day, but overall it’s just teaching poor attitudes and habits.

 

[calmcacil]

@jackiecline Also with you. Albeit we have done this before. The girls are pretty young so sometimes the non birthday girl will get some very small, nothing she couldn't get any day of the week. This is over now that they are 5&4 about to turn 6&5.

 

[jackiecline]

@calmcacil My mother in law will get the non birthday girls 2-4 gifts each. My wife will get them 2 each. It's just ridiculous.

 

[calmcacil]

@jackiecline That is absurd lol