Stupid Inlaw Rant or should I say DuHsband Rant?

[bolfun4k]

As I said previously, I gave up alchohol coffee and inlaws for new years, still going strong! Yes, I am inflatable pool lady. (LPT: Never give your MIL an inflatable pool)

My husband does lip service to supporting my decision, and then he tracks mud all over my nice clean floors.

Yesterday he went to visit his mom, took my kid with him, Super! Fantastic! I get a couple hours of peace and quiet, I give myself a pedicure and catch up with a friend. No problems there. The problem is when he comes home, it goes like this.

Duh: Greetings from mom!

Me: Nice, did you already have dinner?

DuH: (sigh) I didn't eat anything there...

Me: Oh. I have x y z and a b c and p q r, are you hungry?

DuH: (sigh) Well, kiddo also didn't eat anything, except a cup of milk, Mom wasn't interested in her.

Me: Oh. Are you hungry?

DuH: (sigh) I know you don't want to talk about this, but ... Oh never mind.

Me: Ok. Well I'm having some beef stew.

DuH: It's just that... Oh never mind..

Me: Ok. Should I warm some up for you as well?

DuH: She was just complaining and complaining... and I know... well never mind.

Me: Ok, well ... want to watch some Portlandia and go to sleep?

DuH: It's just, if you could only just explain something to me... if it's not too much, it would make things so much easier.

Me: ....

DuH: Never mind.

Me: ok. Carrot sticks and hummus?

DuH: Because she ignored kiddo the whole time, and she was complaining so much... and I understand .. well .. I .. never mind.

Me: OK. Tomato salad with avocado?

DuH: I mean, she's.. she just... she just wants to be respected. She wants to be appreciated for all the help...

Me: ..

DuH: ... ...

Me: Ok. Sheep cheese with dates and walnuts?

DuH: I mean... she did so much after kiddo was born, and now you won't even talk to her...

Me: Goodnight.

DuH: Please. For our relationship. Just explain. I know you have reasons, I just forget them.

Me: Ok. Your mom did not 'help' me, because if you want to 'help' me you need to know what I want and need. She did not know or care about what I wanted and needed, she used stuff and gifts and favors as a way to demand control over me, she caused me massive ammounts of stress and very unnecessary problems for ALL of kiddos life, and she did not give me the one thing I wanted and needed, which is to have my back and give me company and give love to the kid. She gave us obligations, not help.

DuH: But you have to understand, she has more experience than you.. and.. she wants to be respected, that's all, she wants.. respect. You could have shown more gratefullness and respect.

Me: No. I have more experience than her. I had 4 younger siblings. I can run circles around her with child care. She had a baby 35 years before kiddo was born and forgot nearly everything. She didn't need to give me advice, she just needed to sit on a couch, play with kiddo and not say anything mean, that's all she needed to do. Not iron my diapers. Not mend my period panties. Not hem my motherfucking pants. Not call CPS on me for ppd, again for cleanliness, and again for diet. Kiddo was always safe, kiddo was always happy and healthy, MIL was always the biggest threat to my family, and it was her choice to be there.

As for gratefullness? Sure, I did, at first. I say, "thank you for hemming my pants, but I had them long for my boots and I would rather you don't go through my closet" but after that it's like going to a grocery store and she puts stuff in the cart and then I have to pay for it. I am not grateful because I didn't want her to do those things and I said so.

DuH: it's also...

Me: ---

DuH: Never mind.

Me: Ok. Apple dumplings?

DuH: You know, she gave you the appartment...

Me: Ok. No. No she did not give me an appartment because I never lost an appartment and I do not have an appartment. I live in your appartment. I am your wife.

DuH: but .. she did put down a lot towards the downpayment...

Me: Ok. And then we took out a loan to bail them out, and then we took out another loan to bail them out...

DuH: Wait wait wait, that has nothing to do with you, it wasn't your money.

Me: It's not my appartment either.

DuH: But she DID make it possible for you to live here, and you ..

Me: maybe I shouldn't be living here...

DuH: Please. Please don't say that. Please I didn't mean that... Please.. I'm so sorry.

Me: Ok. Fruit? pears, apples, maybe a mandarin or two?

DuH: But if you don't give her a chance? how can things ever get better?

Me: ... Ok. How do you want me to give her a chance?

DuH: Well, you could thank her for everything she's done, then she would feel more welcome.

Me: Goodnight.

DuH: Ok. I'm hungry.

 

[megalovaniac]

@bolfun4k She called CPS on you THREE times??? Wtf, that right there would be enough for me. I'd just loudly be repeating that over and over any time she was brought back up.

 

[bolfun4k]

@megalovaniac She was convinced I had PPD because I 'didn't eat anything', in other words, I did not want to have oatmeal, an omlette, bread and jam AND joghurt for breakfast. So she told on me. I was screened for PPD and kept on a tight leash for months. As an expat? it was not great.

Then she called CPS on me because I refuse to use those toilet inserts which put the little bit of cleaner in every so often. CPS lady was like "umm, not the cleanest appartment I've ever seen, but those toilet things are dangerous for toddlers anyways..."

Then she called CPS because she was convinced that I was vegetarian. By then we were able to have a good laugh. Funny story, they gave me a surprise visit during lunch, and as luck would have it I had JUST deep cleaned the appartment and we were eating pasta bolognese.

 

[katrina2017]

@bolfun4k Luckily we're not on the mil sub because I can tell you here that your husband needs to get his shit in order. She's like a cartoon villain and he's acting the irritating sidekick part in this nonsense. She is 100% an asshole and he's wanting you to rugsweep her awful behavior because he wants... what? What is it she's doing for him that is so important? It's infuriating.

 

[bolfun4k]

@katrina2017 She's not exactly an antichrist, she's just one of those women who gets a chip in her shoulder and will never give up no matter what forever and forever till death, and that person she's fixated on is me. Maybe if my dearest DuH would lay it out flat that she's being a massive bitch, she would understand how destructive she's being, as it is, it's like trying to reason with a teen.

 

[katrina2017]

@bolfun4k Ask him why she's deserving of your respect, but you're not deserving of hers. She's shown you none this entire time, quite the opposite.

 

[michaelsoothing]

@bolfun4k Am I missing something here...? She called CPS on you... for THINKING that you're vegetarian. What makes this a CPS-worthy event? Is she just that dense?

 

[bolfun4k]

@michaelsoothing She is dense.

She sees what we're doing and comes up with stories to justify that, and that becomes the truth. Sometimes it ends up with a bizarre conclusion... like, when she is convinced that kiddo is severely anaemic because I refuse to feed her meat, (both of those things are wrong, kiddo has absolutely no dietary deficiencies, she is also not vegetarian, also being vegetarian doesn't necessarliy give you anaemia).

 

[nehsewokayydocyelad]

@bolfun4k My pediatrician is from India and she said women raised vegetarian babies for decades and all was fine. I’m vegetarian but my son eats meat. Either way that is no reason to call CPS.

 

[bolfun4k]

@nehsewokayydocyelad As I understand it, if you are raised vegitarian, your body somehow learns how to make the most of iron in veg, if you're raised on mostly meat, you might have trouble dropping the meat suddenly, BUT you'll adjust. If you even eat just a bit of meat it's virtually impossible to get a dietary deficiency of iron, especially at age 2.

 

[soteriologist]

@bolfun4k What. The. Fuck. I am so sorry. That’s insane!

 

[niq1983]

@bolfun4k What did your husband say for all of these “helpful calls”?

 

[bolfun4k]

@niq1983 They all conveniently occured while husband was out of town for a week or more, so he usually said "but... what IS the condition of the appartment" and "but.. have you been feeding kiddo meat?"

 

[godisgood22]

@bolfun4k Omg rage.

 

[nehsewokayydocyelad]

@bolfun4k Holy shit. I would throat punch her.

 

[cfh2k5]

@bolfun4k Ok I know i’ve said it before but it bears repeating.... fuck that dude suuuuuucks!!!!

He needs a big fat reminder that you don’t call CPS on half of a married couple. She may have thought that she was siccing them on you, but if they had found anything to be truly concerned about they could have removed LO from BOTH of you. They wouldn’t say “hey this house is gross, but since it’s the woman’s job to clean she’s the only one we’ll punish, carry on good sir!”

It’s nice how his version of you giving her a chance involves you abasing yourself and grovelling for her. And that even under threat of your moving out, he still keeps pushing. Sorry, burning fury of a thousand suns over here.

 

[iadams4]

@cfh2k5

He needs a big fat reminder that you don’t call CPS on half of a married couple. She may have thought that she was siccing them on you, but if they had found anything to be truly concerned about they could have removed LO from BOTH of you.

So. Much. THIS.

 

[bolfun4k]

@cfh2k5 OMG I MISSED SUCH A BIG POINT.

HE should be offended about the social service visits too! It's a threat to HIM.

 

[meantformoreacts2024]

@bolfun4k She posted his response in another comment above...sounds like it was always while he was away and his response was suspicion that the calls were justified because I guess his crazy mom could never be wrong...

 

[cfh2k5]

@bolfun4k Right? If you were such a big danger to your kid, then HE would have been just as responsible for not protecting kiddo from you. How irresponsible would it have been of him to leave his child for over a week with an unfit parent? Is it ok to leave your child with a drug addict just because you’re not a drug addict yourself? CPS doesn’t think so, they would think you’re an enabler with bad judgement. What did he and his mother think would happen? Oh, it’s ok, we’ll just crate mommy in the basement while LO is awake, then let her out after dark so she can clean up the apartment to MIL’s standards. Besides, it’s pretty disgusting that he seems to think that it was ok that she called, because she must have had “reasons” and she was doing it to just you, not to him.