Struggling with ST culture

[riseup]

@jujus Such a beautiful summary. Thank you for sharing. I think you’ve hit the nail right on the head. It’s much easier to turn a blind eye, or choose not to know. And having had some absolutely shocking nights for months on end, I can absolutely see why people would pay $ (and therefore see perceived value) in paying to receive a good nights sleep for themselves.

It can be tough and hard work. But no one can dispute responding to our children and the benefits it provides us

 

[jujus]

@riseup Couldn’t agree with you more for what it’s worth I’ve heard from a lot of parents who do attachment style parenting that they have excellent sleepers in a few years, sleep training only lasts until 2 years of age, at that age our children will have a secure bond and feel safe sleeping rather than starting to become terrible sleepers who associate bed as a bad place rather than a safe one.

Stay the course we are in this for the long game all research very clearly shows that attachment parenting best leads to independence.

 

[riseup]

@jujus it is true. Although anecdotally, I am seeing friends toddlers around the age of 2-2.5 who were sleep trained who are now calling out and crying overnight. Unfortunately they believed that sleep is a “skill” and that they taught their children to be “independent”. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

My LO sleeps so peacefully. And whilst they will still occasionally wake, they are easily able to fall back to sleep. They are not frightened because they have had that support.

 

[jammiowen]

@riseup I often forget about this point! Im also in Aus and bed shared with my now-3yo until I was mid pregnancy with my now-4 month old (as I had a lot of musculoskeletal pain etc). I was pretty nervous about transitioning her into her own bed and room but she did amazingly and has pretty much slept soundly through the night on her own ever since! Has occasionally called out when sick etc and we always respond immediately, but it was pretty incredible how well she slept - having total trust we would come have a cuddle if she needed. Versus my niece who was ST and now as a 4yo wakes a lot overnight upset etc. I’m just really glad I did things the way I did, and am doing now for my second.

 

[margaretjankowski]

@jujus Go mumma! You're doing a fantastic job!!

 

[jujus]

@margaretjankowski Awe thank you

 

[sunflowers24]

@jujus Great work!! Thank you for all you do, and for sharing your perspective.

 

[jujus]

@sunflowers24 Awe thank you!

 

[nobody2016]

@riseup I’m originally from the Middle East and I live in an EU country.

The other day I was told “not to let my baby manipulate and test my boundaries” cause I refuse to let my child starve if they didn’t like the purée.

I was also told by a paediatrician that my 1 month old baby at the time has a “self regulation disorder” cause this one time she was crying for several hours, and I was extremely worried that my child was in pain (turned out she had silent reflux and gastrointestinal problems)..

I was told by another paediatrician that “I can’t help my baby with everything” when I insisted on CMPA test.

I was also told that I shouldn’t respond to every cry my baby lets out cause she’s “manipulating me” to carry her.

You find stupid people who can’t think for themselves everywhere. I was very surprised and confused why people are so obsessive about sleep/wake windows, screen time, feedings like it’s clockwork while completely ignoring natural instincts. Maternal sensitivity/telling cues is there for a reason.

 

[victor2021]

@nobody2016 I'm also from the middle east and live in sweden! So far ive only heard about sleep training via the internet, so glad it's not really thing here.. but I don't know many parents with newborns either. I'll be advocating against ST culture when my friends and family have babies

 

[debbiety]

@riseup i’m an infant Nanny in the US and i hate, hate HATE sleep training but i’m not in an area where i can be super choosey about it and i don’t want to get fired for voicing too strong of an opinion but with the baby i’m nannying now it is having a genuine affect on my mental health because every single day my nervous system goes haywire listening to this poor poor babe cry for 45+ minutes at a time. i get migraines every day and it’s from the stress, not the noise! if i feel this bad, i can’t even imagine how awful he feels and all I’m allowed to do is go in every ten minutes to pat him and shush him. i can’t even rock him or bounce him before putting him in the crib. i just leave him all alone in his crib in the dark. it is breaking my heart. i just can’t wait to have my own baby someday who i can nurture and hold and snuggle to sleep every day and every night. i honestly think it’s going to be really healing.

 

[riseup]

@debbiety Oh my goodness… this would be so tough. You are so strong for being able to do this. I’m sorry you have to experience this

 

[harmony96]

@debbiety I would not be able to endure this. I would probably lose my job because I would cradle and love that baby so hard. Sure it’s not my baby and it probably wouldn’t be as hard as hearing my own, but tbh does it really matter if the baby crying is mine or someone else’s? Isn’t it still instinct to help such a helpless little thing and pour every bit of love onto him? How can anybody be so cruel?

As an example, I’m currently in intensive care with my baby for RSV and another mom is struggling with nursing her baby. On an emotional level I have had the thought of nursing her baby more than once, because he’s crying and hungry, but I know they do have everything he needs here in hospital to feed him. Still the instinct is there

 

[racooracoo]

@harmony96 Well I would ask her the question directly because you never know, she might be grateful. My baby always had issues latching and one day during a group outing at the pool, someone I barely knew from a large WhatsApp group in the city I live in offered to nurse my baby in the hope he would learn how to do it, and she offered me to nurse her daughter so I could also learned on my side as her little one was a pretty good latcher. There is no full success story but it did boost my confidence for a while and we had some successful attempts. I am grateful FOREVER to that mom who spontaneously offered her help

 

[davidnoble]

@riseup The dichotomy causes a lot of cognitive dissonance. Just know that there are other parents in the world who feel more like you. Sending love

 

[riseup]

@davidnoble

 

[cjegan2014]

@riseup I am the rude parent. I flat out tell people I judge them for ST. It’s lazy parenting. I can’t tolerate it tbh.

 

[riseup]

@cjegan2014 Proud of you! Out of interest, how have they responded?

 

[cjegan2014]

@riseup Some don’t know there are other options as silly as that sounds. Others become defensive because they have no rebuttal to the argument.

 

[nhlanhla]

@riseup They are probably too well-rested to care.